I think we all reach a point when we HAVE TO KNOW the truth. I think it's very normal. The point where we face the elephant in the living room. Sounds like you have reached this point.
It's the point where we want confirmation, but, for me, it was the point where I already knew the truth. I was tired of feeling like I was being made out to be crazzeee when it was my spouse who was acting in all manic sorts of crazy.
What are the facts?
You know he is having an affair.
You sense he is having her at the house. Does he admit that she comes to the house as a "friend?"
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Well - while it does sound suspicious, just washing your own sheets is not absolute proof he's sleeping with her there.
If you want proof so he can't gaslight you when you tell him he can't have her there - get one of those Nannycams and set it up in his room. (This might not be legal in your state though.)
But really, you already know he's cheating with her, and if you were in a better financial state you would probably make him move out, right? If you're not in a place to do that, you need to figure out how to get to a place where you can. And meanwhile, just stop and ask yourself about any action: "Will this get me closer to my goal?"
Scooby - yes, I think it's time to set some type of boundary. Make it extra clear that cannot and will not happen in your house. My H and I have a vacation home 3 hours away, and I'm beginning to suspect the same thing. I haven't been there in several months (it was closed for winter) but am planning a visit next week, and won't be telling him much ahead of time. If she has been there, I WILL know.
Time to have a very serious talk with him Scooby. Thinking good thoughts for you -- must be extremely stressful daily existence at your house at the moment...
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
I wasn't very clear. If you suspect he is cheating, he probably is. I wasn't questioning the cheating. I was wondering, however, if he had admitted to having her over to the house before.
Regardless, go with your gut.
Take good care of yourself tonight.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
So, he gets angry when you are gone with the kids and he doesn’t know where you are. What about times when he knows where you and when you would be coming home? Could it be that he needs to know because he can bring OW to the house?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
