I think I belong here #3

[praying_in_GA]

He came to the gym meet yesterday. Forgot to buy her flowers, missed her floor routine going to get the flowers, looked irritated at being there, left early to go "work on his project and help his brother" but actually stopped back by my house to work out since he left half of his clothes, books, and weights here. He said he would call our daughter last night since he didn't get to talk to her during the meet. I'm glad I listened to my intuition and didn't tell her he was calling because for for the 2nd night in a row they received no goodnight phone call.

Last time he called every night to talk to them. Now we don't hear from him at all.

I have discovered that life goes on without him. Things are different and even a bit harder. Of course, it's only the weekend so no work to deal with yet.

I miss him and I still love him but my feelings have changed. I just don't want him around. It's better when I don't have to see him. I have cried but not much. I don't want him here when he doesn't want to be with me and is just texting her. I want him here because he wants to be here.

[praying_in_GA]

Well, he popped in this afternoon to workout and do his laundry. He left his weights and rack so I guess my house is his gym. I asked him to text me before he shows up from now on so that I can decide whether to stay or leave. Plus I was half dressed. He gave me some money for groceries. He also said he did try to call but the phone just rang.

I do so much better when I don't have to see him.

[Matt165]

Hi praying.
Don't "ask" him to call before he comes over to use YOUR home as his gym. He is STILL cake eating here. He wouldn't just walk in a friends home without so much as is this a good time. He can do his laundry at his home, workout at his home. What would happen if you decided to store some of your stuff at his brothers rental and came and went as you pleased? Might cramp his dating plans!

Tell him to get his weights out of there or join a gym. He can't think of anyone but himself right now, that is clear. If he wants to act like a jerk he has to pay the consequences. Until than, why change what he is doing?

Hang in there. You're getting stronger and it can be seen in your posts. The best thing you can do now is get your a your kids life's together. Learn to live without him and do well. Teach your kids that strong people keep their promises and responsibilities. Show them the RIGHT way to be an adult. You can do this. Stay strong!

[TL72*]

Hi Praying
D is definitely not the end of the world - just a piece of paper and it does enable you to rebuild easier I think. check out your local area for a divorce group. I'm in one now and it's only 6 weeks and it's free, one night a week. Well it was 5 dollars for the books, a really good deal and it has helped me tremendously. The book is "rebuilding when your relations ends" by bruce fisher - if you don't find a group i highly recommend the book. Job is right, you won't have to walk on eggshells any longer and your home is your own sanctuary once he is out. rearrange furniture, paint, change out pictures, i got rid of all reminders. now I enjoy coming home, i can eat what i want, when i want, i even sleep better. It's painful but you know that, actually the D wasn't painful to me so much, the BD was the worst and when he moved out, that was the worst possible day for me, but I knew if I could get through that first night, I would be fine and I did and each day I can heal a little more. Divorce day was just like any other day to me and now I can move forward and continue working on me. He thinks this will make everything better for him, he'll realize soon that it doesn't make anything better. this doesn't mean that someday he won't come out of this and want to start a new relationship, but you should go on "as if" that won't happen and focus on you and the kids and your new life. letting go is pretty difficult, like detaching, but it is something we all have to do for our own health. journal, journal, journal and I think it was bklynmom that mentioned listing things you're grateful for - that does help, I do that too, there are so many other people that are in worse positions than we are. We are so blessed in so many ways, focus on the positive and those blessings. we're all here for you (((hugs)))

[praying_in_GA]

Today is not a strong day.

He is talking to another lawyer this week (he didn't want to go with the distant friend). I know he wants to be friends and to be able to move past this soon.

I have been crying a lot today. I have been sad a lot today. I think too much and I look too far into the future.....which is causing a lot of my problems, I know.

He is talking to her a lot more now. 5-6 hours a night. He is planning out the terms of the divorce and getting ready to file. He has a job interview next Wed and he will more than likely get it since it is with his sister in law. He is already planning on his health insurance since once we are divorced he will have to leave mine.

This is real.

I just need to figure out how to come to acceptance in my life. Let him go on his journey and find happiness here in myself. I love him. I miss him. I want my kids to have their dad. I don't want different man to raise them. I don't want step kids. I don't want them to have a step mother. I hate my life and I hate my situation and I hate being sad and lonely. I hate missing him and I hate loving him. I hate everything about this.

My heart of full of sadness and hurt and pain. Even my moments of happiness are filled with regret because he's not here for them. I married for life. I married for better AND for worse. I married until death. Not until something better came along.

He has been in my life since 1999.... 15 years I have wanted him. I have always wanted him.

[job]

GA,
Breathe. Try to keep your focus on you and your children and the present...not the future. A lot can happen before the future gets here, but it's not in your control, so let it be.

I do understand where you are coming from and it's h@ll to be in limbo and possibly facing a divorce. Acceptance will come, but it's not going to happen any time soon. You have to go through the stages of mourning the loss of your marriage and it will take time to do so.

No one knows what the future holds. He may not remarry, you may find someone who is wonderful to you and your children, or you may opt to remain single. There is always a possibility that he could wake up and want to reconcile, but those are questions and answers that are in the future and the future has not been revealed to you or him at this time.

This journey is not something he chose to do. It's something that happened within him and again, it's not about you or your children. This is a painful, emotional journey for him and one that he can't describe to you except to say he has to do it, even if it's the wrong decision. I know that this isn't helping, but he would have been going on this journey whether he was married to you or to someone else. It's not YOU, it's HIM. There is something broken within him and you didn't break it, therefore, you can't fix it.

I know you are in pain and you are hurting terribly, but you must find a way to work thru that pain and hurt. Your children need you now more than ever. You are the only stable parent that they have right now and they need reassurances that everything will be okay.

GA, I'm very sorry you are having a terrible day today.

[praying_in_GA]

This is a painful, emotional journey for him and one that he can't describe to you except to say he has to do it, even if it's the wrong decision.

Job, he has said that to me before. He said he knows he is making the wrong decisions but he is going to make them anyway because something "up here" (him rubbing his head) is going on and it's like an itch he can't scratch.

I have had some strong days recently but today just hit me hard.

I miss the man he used to be. I know he is not that man right now. I love him so much.

[praying_in_GA]

I feel like I got what I was asking for. I always put the kids above all and now all have are the kids.

[willbwell]

praying, I know your pain. Your children are gifts. For me, the kids are what keep me going.
I know your sadness. We did not want this, we did not choose this.
Look for a blessing of this day.

[praying_in_GA]

Thank you WBW. Today hurts. It hurts so bad.

My kids are the only things that keep me waking up and putting one foot in front of the other.