Thank you! Thank you! You just described my husband. I have been questioning, MLC, bipolar, a cheater, or something else. It sounds like MLC is it. His IC was starting to probe because she thinks he is bipolar. He figured it out pretty quick and stopped counseling.
I am terrifed because I think he means it when he says he is divorcing me at the end of his situation. i don't want a divorce. He is so into OW too. The month she was with boyfriend he was coming back to me - which I find very odd. I wonder if she was gone if he would come back. H has never been one to be alone. Also, he is stubborn and once he says something he does it whether he wants to or not. I am hoping that I am looked at as the friend and she is looked at as the nag. LOL
We are roommates now. Seperate bedrooms, no affection - no hugs, no kisses, no physical contact, small talk when together, no texting/no phone calls unless kid related. All of this is instigated by him - he gradually has taken all from me - it is like he is doing the detaching from me. UGH!!! I hate this! He said I started it by abandoning him for a decade - odd now he does not want any affection.
Scooby, You can't control your h and if he wants a divorce, he'll get one whether you like it or not. Some of them think that by getting a divorce it will make things better for them. I can tell you that they are all in for a rude awakening when it comes down to the amount of money, time, paperwork, etc., that is spent on getting a divorce.
In their minds, they think that after the divorce everyone can be friends...unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way.
Some will say they want a divorce when they feel like they are backed into a corner. Others mean it and will follow through very quickly and others will drag their feet. The best thing to do is listen and observe. He may not do it, but we don't know which way he'll go.
No, it's not odd that he wanted to return to you when his girlfriend was w/her boyfriend. Some do this cake eating waffling back and forth. Had he returned, the minute she was free, he would have been right back into her arms. They like to keep us on the back burner in case things don't turn out the way they think that they should.
You need to stop drinking his Kool-Aid. He loves to project on to you about abandonment. If you had abandoned him a decade ago, then why has he stayed so long? He's going to say or sorts of things to pin the blame on you. Don't drink that Kool-Aid. He's miserable and doesn't want to look within to find the real reasons for his misery. You didn't break him, therefore, you can't fix him.
Nothing you say or do will make him change his mind during his crisis and that's why it's important for you to focus on yourself and your children. Stop focusing on the ow. She's taking up head space and not paying rent.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for being my sounding board. I have been awful last couple of days. Did you get a divorce in this craziness? H still sleep walks trying to get intimacy. I don't allow it because I know that he has not used protection (he has always been dumb about that.)
You are right I need to stop with the kool-aid drinking. I just don't get how he can be so nice to me and talk to me, and still want a divorce - seems dumb. But as I have found out there is no logic and he is in delusional land. I could make lots of money of this wack ball story, as I have been journaling about the craziness from day 1.
I am so glad that I found a place to vent and figure things out. I spent 4 to 5 months crying and begging for him to stay.
I am hoping the kids are enough to keep him grounded. H was a good dad, and still is pretty good. H just does not see that his late hours make him want to nap too much on days off and disappoints kids because they want to play with him.
I am going to have to put up some strength. I have family that is really pressuring me to file, and won't quit. I told him I will not do that until I am 100% ready (I don't think I will ever get there.) It is wrong - he is sick, why would I leave? Yes, he is treating me like crap and yes that hurts my family. I know they are just looking out for me, but I am tired of the argument.
Scooby, To answer your question, I am divorced. My xh filed and we moved forward.
You can't make rational out of non-rational behavior. You can try until the cows come home, but you can't make them see the light.
The kids will not keep him grounded if he goes into full blown replay. Right now, yes, he's a good father and maybe he'll be one of the lucky few that remains a good father, but a large majority of them walk away and the kids are the ones that don't see their parent for more than a few hours each week. So, please be prepared for him not being as attentive as he is now.
You are the only one that can decide what to do w/your life. No one else can live it for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
thanks. I cannot imagine him being a horrible dad or leaving us, but I could not imagine the rest of the crazy stuff he has done in just 6 months. I am wondering what is left for him to do. He has done everything under the sun. From the first swear word - he was toast. He tells me that it is just stuff he has wanted to do last 2 decades (since he changed to being conservative.) He needs to start living his life for himself. UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM - you have a family that needs you too. DUH!!!!
So Job, since you have an X are you still standing? How long has your X been in MLC?
Scooby, My xh began his MLC right around 1997. Full blown in 1999 and onward. He married the ow, she died in September 2013. He's one of those that is stuck. He's still acting like a 16 yr old.
No, I am not standing. After all of the destruction he created and I had to clean up, there is no way on God's green earth would I ever consider reconciling w/him. He wanted the illusive happiness and I opened the cage door and shoved him out the second time that he threatened to leave. If I had to do it all over again, I would never have allowed him to return home after he left the first time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry to hear your story. How long did you end up standing before you realized there was no hope for him? I hope that if you have kids, they are ok. My kids are quite young for my age. They have no idea because we play nice. I am so worried about them, as they are very close to both of us. My oldest will never recover.
That is said that your X lost his wife. I am sure that sent him further into the tail spin. Are you dating or did he destroy everything for you?
It sounds like you are real put together after the hell that you have been thru. You are quite strong, and I hope someday I a can be half as strong as you.
Dipstick told me that he wants to watch OW relative that is a kid tomorrow and she can have fun playing with our kids. Just so you know - he claims they are only friends. I said I don't think so. He asked me why. I said because that is his life only and I don't want the kids around it. so far he has killed every boundary I have tried to set. UGH!!! I see there being a battle this weekend! HELP??/ ADVICE??
