He came home around 4. I don't want yo stay out all night because he keeps telling me he is gaining evidence on me. There is nothing to gain on.
Starsky- he is claiming they are only friends. If he did stay out all night he would lie about where he was of coarse. Ay this point there is no way to set boundaries. He wants a divorce and won't leave the house, he says he knows his rights. I did get him yo move his toothbrush. I am not sure what to do. I have a thread in mlc too. That one has more stuff. Scan it and see what you think. I seriously need help.
Do YOU know what his rights are? Have you talked to an atty about it? If you fear for your safety, for instance, you could get a temporary order to have him barred from the premises. In any event, there are ALWAYS ways to set boundaries, Scooby -- you don't just have to let him walk all over you.
When my wife was having her affair (7 years ago; we have since reconciled), she came home once about 11pm after saying she'd be home much earlier than that. So I said something like "I was worried about you; if you're going to be much later than what you had anticipated, please just call or text me and let me know." Then, the next time she said she would be home around 11 and didn't come home until after 2am. So I shut of all the lights in the house, locked everything up, and turned the house security system on.
She got the message, and never did it again.
This is your marital home, not a motel. You can't stop him from having an affair, but you can -- and should -- lay some boundaries that would be more emotionally healthy for you and your children.
I did set the same boundary and locked the house tight. But he just does whatever he wants. He does not text or call and when I say I was worried - he smarts off don't worry about me, we are no longer together, I want a divorce.
I have been mowed over even on simple boundaries. I am still thinking about what I could do to make a stand that he will listen to. I welcome suggestions too.
I basically can do nothing as far as his rights. I have no proof of the craziness. I am waiting for him to step over the line, and then I will have proof. I also don't want to make him mad because he will seek revenge majorily. We have kids together, and he will divorce me and make it nasty. But I do need to talk to a lawyer again. I always have more questions, and then call another lawyer for free consult.
I also don't want to make him mad because he will seek revenge majorily. We have kids together, and he will divorce me and make it nasty.
is your mindset, you're going to continue to get walked all over. The fear is debilitating, and until you lose it, you're going to be stuck. Divorces are BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS, sadly, and you have to treat it as such. Ours is an adversarial legal system, and there's a reason why they put that little "v" between the names of the two parties.
You bring up an intersting point. At first H said he wanted a divorce but was staying for kids, because I was not ready for D, and because he wanted us to be friends. The next reason was that I was pretty sick from all the stress so he could not leave me (yeah right! OW went back to boyfriend at that time.) Now it is that he will not divorce until his situation is figured out. UGH!! I hate this all.
Yes, I am very passive and have never had a backbone. It is hard to get when you have lived half your life without it. If I stand up to him - monster comes out more often. If I just let him do his own thing, we don't fight. The way I have been getting a backbone is GAL - going out with kids. H does not like it because we are not at home when he expects. I am normally a home body.
I have posted in MLC too. He is doing all the behaviors and fits the age, but does not seem to get angry like MLC unless provoked. I saw the monster a lot in the beginning because I did all the wrong things. I have this fear that he just does not want me anymore and it is not MLC, bipolar, or something else. He definately is on a rollercoaster. But there was a time in the past he completely changed his life because he was so into a girl. He seems to be morphing himself to his OW (but does not admit she is OW.)
UGH!!! I am sure whiney yesterday and today. Sorry. Believe it or not, I am better than I used to be. Found this site about a month ago, and it has helped tremendously.
My W did. She downloaded cell phone records to prove to me and our family that I was texting ow hundreds/thousands of times. Hope that's what you were asking?
When she was still trying to save our marriage i argued the fact that we can't move forward if she was going to keep the past in her hip pocket to always hold over me. Obviously said to convince her to burn them. At that time I was faking/manipulating or something. Now I truly don't know what was in my head. Yes I had ea and was caught red handed. Like book says be sure you wanna know in case it's worse than you think.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Is the records showing phone calls and text enough? It just shows numbers, not the content of the text. My H went from 50 texts a month to 12,000 this last month. And like 11,000 were to OW. Would that be enough to fry h and OW butt if needed? I am guessing the content could be subpeoned - which would completely toast both of them.
I am not going to do anything now. I just want to pick up stuff just in case. There are some very strange turn of events lately. My life continues to be more days of our lives soap opera than I would like.
Dipstick told me that he wants to watch OW relative that is a kid tomorrow and she can have fun playing with our kids. Just so you know - he claims they are only friends. I said I don't think so. He asked me why. I said because that is his life only and I don't want the kids around it. so far he has killed every boundary I have tried to set. UGH!!! I see there being a battle this weekend! HELP??/ ADVICE??
"Dipstick told me that he wants to watch OW relative that is a kid tomorrow and she can have fun playing with our kids."
I'm unclear about one thing. Are you trying to save your M? If you are, being disrespectful to your H (even if he is an @$$) by calling him a Dipstick, etc. is not going to do anything but build resentment in you.
The reason why he's with the OW right now is because he feels respected by her. Do you think he would go back to you after you call him names or think he's an idiot? Would YOU go back to someone like that?
If you think he's that dumb, then why do you want to reconcile? Might as well file the papers yourself.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
