It is normal to not receive many posts from other people on this board?
I know most of my posts are me just getting it out, but I do have some questions thrown in there and I do need some support.
If anyone has some time, read my posts and give me some feedback.
This is very hard and I'm not trying to discuss my thoughts with my friends or SIL or my mom.
So Im posting here would like some feedback ,,,,
Right now I want to ask H to sleep in bed, for me and for him to get some rest, the couch is not good for sleeping.
I know I should not approach him with this thought.
I'm also struggling with wanted to be initmate (another reason to not approach him about sleeping in bed).
This is very very hard.
One of his complaints was I was distant and did not show emtions,,so now that I want to and cannot,,,this is weird it seems wrong,,going against what I think I should be doing.
Even though when I was trying to, H was distant and does not want to be affectionate at all, last thing I can still hear over and over is H saying the does not want to be A Husband.
Why does detaching work? Why does stop pursuring, stop saying I love you etc,,why does this work? Especially when it was used as one of the reason my H wants to leave our M.
Why does this work? Oh I know,,its not promised to work, it works for some and not for others.
How will I know if this is working for my M? What if I should be GAL but also trying to spend time with H?
How does ignoring spouse work? It is just about giving them the space to figure out what they want, it is about being a spouse that is desirable and wanted. Is it the working on yourself and giving the spouse the space needed, that sometimes work?
How often does it work for those of us trying to DB?
I know this will not be easy, I know its not promised to work, I know it takes TIME, and it not even a week for me, since my last blow up.
I know that even if H does not change his mind, I will be a better person.
WOW this is painful.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I'll take a look at your post when I have a minute. Please be patient. As you can see there are ALOT of people who need help on the board. Unfortunately yours is one of the many.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
2B- people do comment on your thread. Sometimes threads get lost in the shuffle. If you post a short "hey, can someone help me out here?" , it will bump your thread to the top of the list momentarily so more people can see it.
Some of your posts don't ask for advice, though. If you want specific advice about something, do what you did in the post and ask it out right. If you don't get an answer, bump it to the top like I mentioned before.
Be patient.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
I just read up on your situation and I'm sorry you find yourself here. However, there are many wonderful, supportive people here that offer great advice.
I would suggest not asking your h anything. Be pleasant but use caution in any type of "question" unless it concerns logistics. For example, when you asked if he had a good time he said it was good not to be home. Focus on you and detaching. Focus on your son and things you enjoy doing.
Rings, no rings.... It doesn't matter. Your old m is dead. And while that may be painful, this is your chance to think about what you really want.
Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Sex life is pretty much gone, he said now you see how I felt when you ignored my sexual needs.
Yes, I'm very sorry that your here and just wanted to let you know that your above quote is almost word for word what my h said to me!
But I didn't simply ignore h needs, he is an alcoholic , but of course that part is not considered. I am following your sitch since some of what your h said to you is similar to my dilemma. I am also new but one of the best words of advice I have had decent results from is No R talk! Helps so much ,
Its the start of the weekend and I have no plans. I have not actually seen H since Monday, he is home but works 2nd shift and sleeps in basement now, so he has seen me asleep when he comes into bedroom to get pillow and put on PJ's. But I have not seen him. We have talked every day for like 5 mins, he calls me to all conversations are about our son or the our house or bills.
Weekends are harder for me, since I see him in the mornings before he goes to work, unless I have something to do early and I can get up and leave the house.
Last Monday he did ask me to come watch a movie with him and our son, I did but I dont read anything into that.
H does still appear concered about where Im going, he ask, I answer nothing more is then said.
Old M is dead, WOW both sad and glad. I admit there were things I was not getting and was not happy about, but I was willing to work it out so we both could compromise and get what we needed/wanted.
It's horrible how he can go so cold?
I miss my H. I'm very lonely. I like relaxing at home, but now I force myself to get away so I dont ask questions, or beg, or pursue. I feel alot better about myself, I'm losing a little weight.
Our son is starting to notice that H and I dont sleep togther and that we no longer kiss goodbye when H goes to work.
I did not know what to tell him, so I just blew it off. Not going to say anything to H, cause for a while H was pretending in front of our son, coming up to bed before son woke it. Kissing me bye if son was in room with us.
I know that once I leave for work in the mornings, H comes and gets in our bed, so son can only be talking about the weekends we he stays up late and notices dad is sleeping on couch.
Sometimes I want to throw in the towel and just tell H to get out, file D and move on. H said I controled every major decision in our lives, so I guess I will back off and make sure to not control this phase this choice in our M.
I'm nervous about being home with H tomorrow and sunday morning. I will pray and if I feel like Im losing control I will leave house until H goes to work, even if I have to drive around town, or go someplace and window shop.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I did ignore H sexual needs, sometimes out of anger, cause I was not getting what I wanted. I also had some medical female issues for a period of time (which H felt like I could have still had sex) I went thru early menopause and that was a TRIP, that I just soon got back from. SO I know H dealt with some issues with me, and I have been cold to him and distant when he was still involved in M. He acts like this is my payback, but I never mention to him D, or that I did not want to be a W anymore.
Not that it matters H is a different person , so I can not expect him to behave or think like me.
I've grown soo much in these last few months, all in good ways. I know H does not belive I can change or even cares at this point if I did change.
It has only been 1 week since my last blow up of begging pleading aruging threats,,,but to me if feels live forever.
I have thought about going to stay with my mom some weekends, she lives in same town. I would have to take son with me and he would be BORED. SO not sure if that is a great ideal, plus my mom would ask soooooo many questions and I have already told her what I wanted her to know and dont want to tell her more of hear her advice.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
OMG I ask my H to come to bed for sex. I ask 3x's H 1st said he did not feel like it, then he said maybe before he goes to work.
I don't think I can do this. I went for a short drive to not start to cry. When I came back H had left the house.
I don't think I can do this?
Where do I get the strenght from to not feel this pain? I'm thinking about asking H to leave the house and file for D.
My breaking point is like a week, then out the fool comes, I make a fool of myself once a week.
Im tired, tired of all of this.
Why is H staying?
I dont't think I can do this.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
H just came back home, Im staying in my room until he goes to work or start chores in the yard. I dont feel like I have any control over my feelings when around him right now.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I dont feel like I have any control over my feelings when around him right now.
Is that what you want?
If you want to control your feelings, you actually can. The easiest way to do this is to listen to them, accept them and NOT act on them, they will pass
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
