She left - 3

[HollyAnn]

It's too late now, but I would have brought up the book comments.
It is concerning that she has p!ssed someone off, and you don't even know who.

Plus, it was delivered right to your door; kinda creepy and scary.
There are people who really go off their rockers and can get violent when they are betrayed.

Just watch Snapped if you don't believe me.

[Barrybran]

You seem to be doing well in your situation so you need to ask yourself this: can you move forward with your wife and let the book slide or will you need to know what it means so you can move forward?

Did you work out what will be a dealbreaker for you? If you need to know about the book and:

- You feel there could be something that is a dealbreaker, why put it off until things are better with your wife only to break it off later? or

- You feel that you may be disappointed/angry/upset but there aren't dealbreakers, do you think you could put the book on the backburner while your relationship with your wife improves and deal with it when there is more trust between you and your wife?

[gogofo]

I think a deal breaker right now would be a continued affair. But, a big but at that is I think I can put the book on the back burner for a while and wait for trust to improve. I know there was an EA, but much after that I don't have any ideas or evidence to anything else besides the book comments.

I am reading a book on dealing with A, even has a cover blurb from MWD. I will see where the book takes me with new knowledge and coping skills contained within.

I never thought my W would remove the book from the house so if or when I decide to bring up the subject it will be a little different than just handing it to her.

[ye21]

I think a deal breaker right now would be a continued affair. But, a big but at that is I think I can put the book on the back burner for a while and wait for trust to improve. I know there was an EA, but much after that I don't have any ideas or evidence to anything else besides the book comments.

I am reading a book on dealing with A, even has a cover blurb from MWD. I will see where the book takes me with new knowledge and coping skills contained within.

I never thought my W would remove the book from the house so if or when I decide to bring up the subject it will be a little different than just handing it to her.


Gogofo think about what the universe is telling you now:

You have trust issues.... You are not trusting your W, if you dont have any proof that she is lying or in an A why are you not trusting her?

At the end if she is having an A or not its her problem, and she is gonna have to deal with that.... I had told you this before, you guys are not together now so its not important for you to ask, its a way your trust issues are telling you: I was "right" I could not trust her......

My advice, work on your trust issues and develop strenght in that field, if she is in an affair, it would ended coming up and one day you will know, the way that you react that day will be different if you work on your trust issues....

The problem its not what she is doing, the problem is your flaw or not trusting, so far you have zero proof, once you are confident in yourself, the fact that she was in an A will not matter after what you went thrue, so thats my little advice...

If you confront her, she might dennied it maybe because its true or get upset because its not true and you dont trust her....
So its a lost lost game no matter what.

Hiwever, think about this, if she is in an A she might took the book because she realized she is doing something unfair and maybe she is fighting her way out of it to be able to give the new Gogofo what he deserves ( thats an option)

Let things die out of important by their own wait, dont interfere, the universe its taking care and as you told me many times....how will telling her something help you on the long term?

[labug]

LA, are you saying distance myself because of the morning we spent together or because I was going to open communication a little more?

By taking an action and expecting an outcome involving another person we're back to our old controlling selves, trying to manipulate an outcome.

I was referring to this, sorry that I wasn't clear.

Well I just forced myself to not do something that I really wanted to; I did not invite my W to Easter dinner. I really wanted to, but I didn't.

My reasoning being that she needs to miss me, amongst other things.

[labug]

The speak now or forever hold your peace ship has sailed. Love to mix metaphors.

Why did you hold on to your knowledge about the book (especially the threatening msg) knowing that an affair could be a deal breaker? Why would you bring it up now? Really think that through.

[Positivespin]

Go-

[Positivespin]

Go- Do not invite you W to any extended family type events until you take care of the Elephant in the room. How do you think you would be able to make any decision about your future without knowing what the hell is going on?

No snooping - The book was delivered to your house. Have the nasty talk and get it out of the way- If not move forward assuming, and being accepting of, the worst......and never ever bring it up

All the books and all the steps toward R will be for nothing unless you choose one of the above two options............

[Wonka]

The speak now or forever hold your peace ship has sailed. Love to mix metaphors.

Why did you hold on to your knowledge about the book (especially the threatening msg) knowing that an affair could be a deal breaker? Why would you bring it up now? Really think that through.

GoFo...^^^ is the crux of the whole matter. What are your thoughts?

[gogofo]

Why did you hold on to your knowledge about the book (especially the threatening msg) knowing that an affair could be a deal breaker? Why would you bring it up now? Really think that through.

I did not bring it up because I wanted to move forward with building trust and bring up the book after were possibly in a better position. I also did not want to derail us possibly moving forward. I didn't know if I could bring it up with a non-threatening tone. And the last reason is that I did not want to create more chaos before Easter, I wanted it to be smooth for the kids.

A continued physical affair during our separation would be a deal breaker for me to continue contact. I would have to set a strict boundary. It being a permanent deal breaker if a PA was stopped, I still have to work through these feelings.

No snooping - The book was delivered to your house. Have the nasty talk and get it out of the way- If not move forward assuming, and being accepting of, the worst......and never ever bring it up

All the books and all the steps toward R will be for nothing unless you choose one of the above two options............

The infidelity books are to help me through this and figure out if I need to bring it up or if I can accept the worst and never bring it up. I will probably bring it up with her, just want more knowledge of my emotions and a way to bring it up without attacking.

I am pretty positive that she is having a continued EA and or confiding in a male friend for support during the separation. I don't know if this is a boundary setting issue for me or not. I am in a mental stalemate about what to do about bringing up the book and setting boundaries.

Any tips on bringing up the book since I don't have it now. I assume it would be best to do it in person but our schedules are crazy and don't think it is appropriate to text about the issue.