husband wants to bring kids around ow

[twinmom]

Prayers please from everyone, because damn it I am a wreck tonight.
While I was at work he went and picked up the kids from the babysitter (his mom at my house) and had them back before I got home from work.
I called him on my way home from work and said I was having a formal parenting plan drawn up for him to sign by the end of the week. He flatly said "no" I told him it wasn't a question.
He starts in that I am inconsistant saying one minute that three days in a row is too long for the twins to go without seeing either one of us (I agree and the parenting plan I have figured out addresses that) and that I always tell him I will never keep his children away from him (again I will never keep the kids away during a regularly scheduled visit, not this bullshit of seeing them for a few hours every day when it fits his schedule)
He started to scream at me on the phone and I reminded him I was calm and he needed to be too, he said [censored] You (has never said that to me EVER) and I hung up on him. I got a "I am sorry" text about 10minutes later.
I then get a text about 30 minutes later asking if I made an appointment for Vivian's hair cut and if not he was going to do so.
His mom is there overnight tonight so I went to the library to use the computer in peace just telling her I had an appointment. I get a text from H asking me to call him when I am done with my appointment. No clue what he wants but it's most likely to say he wants to file ASAP or something else to hurt me......
I have decided I don't want to be friends with him right now and I need to have as little contact as possible but I am VERY concerned that in doing so he will just see it as a chance to completely move on from the marriage and be happy in his dream world with her..... GAH! Ok, going home to take an anti anxity med and any and all comments are MOST welcome and I have my last (that I can afford right now) phone session with my DB coach thursday morning.

[unbidden]

My prayers go out to you and your family. My DB coach used to say that anger only made our sitches worse and never leads to anything good. Any when we're punitive towards a S it leads to a parent/child relationship. I see both in what you've tried to do to your H on this. I know you're hurt, but you need to proceed calmly and coolly. See if you can regain your footing here. Take a breath. This isn't a hill to die in, is it?

[Starsky309]

I have decided I don't want to be friends with him right now and I need to have as little contact as possible but I am VERY concerned that in doing so he will just see it as a chance to completely move on from the marriage and be happy in his dream world with her..... GAH! .

Just about everyone who DBs has this thought, but it's actually kinda the idea. Let them have each other -- bad moods, bad breath, warts and all. NO MORE FANTASY FAIRY TALE.

You handled his obscenity boundary very well. Stick to your guns, on the boundaries, the parenting plan, the going dim. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. Don't judge the rightness of it by his REACTIONS to it. Those are HIS problems, not yours.

Mamabear needs to protect her cubs, and give them structure right now. They need it more than ever!

Starsky

[unbidden]

Well, I think that Starsky really knows his stuff. So I will defer to him in this ...

[Train]

Ummmmmm yes. Standing strongly behind (beside) Starsky on this.

[twinmom]

so maybe epic fail??? I leave library with research and a drawn up parenting plan. The research is Indiana parenting laws and other states parenting plans based on the age of our twins.
He starts yelling at me that I told his mom I don't want to be friends with him, that I will co parent but who wants to be friends with a person who does "xyz"?Then he brought up $$ and that the money is "his" and I said I would only discuss $$ with a lawyer present. He keeps going to I hang up on him.

He is waiting in my driveway when I got home. He doesn't think the parenting plan is fair and he doesn't even want to see the research. He wanted to know why I was crying in the phone earlier and I said I didn't want to talk about it. He said I needed to tell him. I said I would be glad to listen if he wanted to talk but I didn't have to tell him why I was upset. (Crying because my husband left me pregnant duh)

I finally shoved the papers at him told him he had a chemical dependency problem(addicted to affair) and I wasn't responsible for fixing him. I walked inside and he left.

I get a phone call an hour later that I didn't answer and a text saying some changes need to be made to the schedule but can be discussed later.

[unbidden]

I'm so sorry, tm. You did so well under the circumstances though.

[twinmom]

The twins birthday is coming up we have tickets to go to see Seasame Street live and their party planned at a train restaurant the next day (only his immediate family know the situation)

I forgot to mention that in his conversion withrme outside last night he said he doesn't think we should go together to Seasame Street (tickets have been bought and he knows I can't take them by myself) and we aren't having their party together.

Ugh......

[twinmom]

How is he supposed to miss me when he contacts me every day?
The twins have a cold, runny nose/cough. Nothing life threatening but he sent a text this morning asking how they were. I feel like a bi$@# if I don't respond because maybe he is just being a concerned father. I responded with "same as yesterday" he then proceeded to ask me if I gave them any meds... I answered very short and to the point on what "treatments" they had been given. He responded "ok"

I just feel like if he is supposed to miss me he isn't even getting the chance. Bad day already feeling like I am at the bottom of the hole with no way up.

[Georgiabelle]

TM,

I'm sorry you we having a bad day. Don't worry about your h missing you. This isn't a quick fix. Focus on your kids and try to enjoy your pregnancy. Don't worry about your h. He's a big boy.