Bonding for men with their children is very different. No question. I noticed it early on with my son. The bonding was very different with my mother in law's intrusion vs. when my daughter was born and it was just the three of us. To me, the first few days are incredibly important as a family for bonding. If anything interrupts that, it can be difficult.
But father/child relationships, while different are no less important to both. It's been my experience that people insert themselves, albeit with good intentions, between father and family. Depending how that is handled by the father, it can be catastrophic.
Perfect child? What's that? I've never in my life seen one...
Bea, I think most of what you see is more or less socialogical vs. physical. It's the age old question of which comes first though - the social bonding or the physical bonding with the other followed.
After watching my ex walk away from her kids, let's just say I have questions... I've seen several women walk away from their kids while the father stayed. I guess if you live long enough, you may see a lot of things.
Yeah Heather. If you're first reaction is to equate things to smokey, then a) you may not have much social experience to draw from that mutes that and/or b) you may not be ready to take a chance on dating.
You'll continue to "compare" others to smokey until you have more experiences under your belt. It's kind of how people make sense of the world - by comparing it to past experiences. It's different than getting a visceral reaction to a "trigger" that comes up in a normal relationship (whatever that is). So you'll need to create more experiences, right? More of a bag of experiences to draw from.
You don't have to date for most of those experiences. Just so you know
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I could spend hours, days, months, years... trying to figure out what's going on with Smokey's lack of interest in parenting...or maybe inability to parent right now is a better way of putting it. I still won't get it.
He always had a hard time connecting with the girls. I think it's safe to say he has difficulty parenting, regardless of the child's strengths/limitations.
His parents were very controlling and abusive. He has always had a hard time negotiating this approach with mine, which is the opposite. I'm gentle and understanding, he wanted to spank the Asperger's out of D11.
And, frankly, like many people with addiction, he simply didn't want to invest the hard work required, consistently, to make progress with either child. Our children, to Smokey, have always been inconvenient and too much work. I don't think he EVER invited them to a Home Depot or lunch or anything, UNTIL he left and I made a point of his spending time with his kids. I was a single mom wayyyyy before BD.
Years ago, a therapist warned me. Your husband has a huge mountain to climb in front of him. I think she saw the writing on the wall and was trying to warn of me of what could be ahead.
Day off from students. I'm putting some things in order. Working on summer financial plan.
I'm thinking a combination of workshops and writing.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
1. Take Joy! Enjoy a content, balanced life with friends, family and love. 2. Take good care of myself (physically, mentally, spiritually). 3. Be present and available for my kids. 4. Earn at least $60,000 per year by 2019. 5. Have a reliable car I'm proud to drive.
I'm adjusting the goals. I still need to be specific, but I also need to loosen up a bit on myself. I make it too hard.
Filling out the Legalaid form for dissolution/divorce.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I am puzzled as to why it would take you almost 5 years to earn $60,000/yr when you can easily do it in a year or so? Just trying to understand your thought process here.
Then change your thought process then take action toward that goal. If you TRULY believe that you can earn $60,000/year, then all of your subsequent actions and synchronicity will follow.
You would want to check Craigslist as well as more and more companies place their work orders through that site. Other options to explore are through Linkedin account. Gotta utilize every resource at your disposal to generate income flow to your bank account.
