I think I belong here #2

[TL72*]

Mine has an EA too, it still hurts. I snooped too in the beginning, and could not see the texts but saw where he was texting her on the bill and saw him smiling when he'd walk in the room after reading hers, it was all over his face. "We're just friends" but I wanted to be the one he shared things with, I was his WIFE. Yeah that really stung. Shortly after I unfriended him on FB and got the phones separated so I wouldn't be tempted to snoop anymore. Just have to let him go through it and see that the grass isn't any greener over there. Nothing you can do to stop it, he'll get bored with it eventually when he figures out that he's missing the one person who actually KNOWS him. You're the mother of his children and that will never change. He will always be part of your life on some level. Try not to focus on it, thinking of it just hurts more. I try and push those thoughts away when they start to snake in my mind. I do wear a rubberband now on my wrist to snap and you can visualise a stop sign if you find yourself wondering about things. A lot of times what our minds make up is worse than it is in real life. Hang in there. You're not alone.

[praying_in_GA]

Logically, I know those things. I know. Stop snooping, step back, give space, reflect on what he's doing so I can decide if I am willing to wait it out, and (most importantly) work on myself so I come out of this stronger.

It is so much easier to say that than to do it. This morning I was all "who cares, it's not important, it won't last, let him go, give him space, don't worry about it." Now I am feeling that broken feeling again.

Last night I did a lot of reading about MLC and how to relate/communicate/treat yourself/treat your spouse. It was funny because I read it and digested it just this morning at work. He is slowly fitting into more and more of the characteristics of a MLC spouse. I am starting to truly see it with open eyes.

He has started leaving the car seats out of his van now. He took the kids to lunch with his parents this afternoon and removed the seats as soon as he got back home. Just more of him hiding his true life from his friends. No ring, no seats....what wife and kids?

[nyk]

Good afternoon. What/where did you read about MLC? I strongly believe my wife is in MLC and could use more resources.
I understand the "feeling positive and great in the morning/broken feeling later in the day" I wonder if being more tired has something to do with it...

[Georgiabelle]

Praying,

Yes, my h tells his new friends that he quit his old life and left his responsibilities and obligations behind. They try to erase the "old" life.

[praying_in_GA]

Nyk - I Googled and found so many articles on MLC. They all said pretty much the same thing. I saved a few that paralleled DB so that I could go back a re-read from my phone.

[praying_in_GA]

I'm so tired of the ups and downs. One min I can joke and laugh about my sitch the next I am hiding in a corner bawling.

I'm still broken. People say I am strong to stand by while he is doing this. I don't feel strong. I feel destroyed and broken.

[job]

I'm sorry you are still having ups and downs, but I can assure you that it will get better in time. When you are overcome w/emotions, feel those emotions and then release them. You'll begin to notice that after each emotional downward slide, you'll begin to grow and become even more stronger.

Please gentle w/yourself. Take some time to pamper yourself and remember, you are human and your heart has been broken and needs time to mend. I promise you, it will get better.

[praying_in_GA]

I have received so much amazing advice here. I have read other threads and gained awesome advice. Why can't I make myself put it to use? I know what I have to do but I cannot force myself to do it.

The most recent gem I picked up was this:

"Keep in mind that things can still change. Don't give up hope but also don't dwell on getting your H back. Work on yourself and in time your H may realize what he's losing. It can take a LONG time but it does happen. There are people who have reconciled after being separated for years.

If you can be happy on your own and overcome your own issues you'll be ok no matter what."


This is what I need to work on

[job]

It takes time to start moving forward. The grieving process can be a short or long one, depending upon the person. Please do not judge your progress and/or your situation against others. Why? Because it one is very unique, just like diamonds...no two are exactly alike.

Be patient w/yourself and know that you are exactly where you need to be at this time.

[job]

Edit the last line of the first paragraph to read:

"Because each one is very unique, just like diamonds...no two are exactly alike."