It's taking everything I have not to go to him and try to get him to agree to work on our marriage. M 2005- T 17- dd 11- bomb 3-22-2014 -ilybnilwy -i still want to be friends - your not the woman I fell in love with - this is all your fault - i drink more because you make me want to drive my truck into a wall - i dread coming home after work - your not any fun - all you want to do is complain - IM DONE - I cant live with you anymore - you treat me horrible... Well you get the picture We went away last weekend for our anniversary and after a terrific night together with no problems at all, he gets angry first thing in the morning at me for me telling him he should have woke me up before he got dressed to go down for breakfast and began ranting about being done, and our r is dead, how in his mind this weekend was going to show him if we can make our marriage work or not and I failed. Almost immediately telling me I can have everything because he decided his happiness is more important than monetary things. We have in my opinion gotten along fine prior to this past jan, but it lacked intimacy and I woke up one day and very badly wanted my husband back and started practicing db tech and spending time with him. I did all the things he liked, drank a beer with him (that never would have happened before my enlightenment) , initiated pt and intimacy , bought him event tickets and gifts, was staying up late with him even though I work extremely early in the a.m.. I told him I wanted our marriage back on track and ask him if he was willing which he said yes, and if he still loved me and he said yes again. Things were great for a minute but he started calling me fake, and a butt kisser. Said he knows for a fact I will just go back to my old self so he isn't going to have his heart smashed again by me. Than a few weeks into it he starts doing things to deliberately sabotage all my efforts like staying out all night with his phone turned off , saw his truck at the bar when I was worried and went looking for him at police station, but at closing time he still didn't come home. He flew in here acting mad at me saying he woke up in the Kroger parking lot and I make him so miserable that he'd rather sleep in his truck than come home. Mad at me? A few nights after this he said he doesn't know if he wants to be married, doesn't believe in marriage. A few nights after that he tells me he is trying to get his feelings back for me that I killed long ago, and that our aniv weekend will make or break it. I told him that fixing our r is a process not an event, but he was adamant on us being alone together for the weekend will be a test if he wants to go on with me. I guess when I thought we were ok but just lacking a intimacy, he felt I rejected him and hurt him and this went on for 3 years without me knowing how bad it was to him. Now he is saying I've treated him badly almost the whole marriage. So I spent the last day of our aniv weekend with him getting so drunk he was acting crazy, and treating me terrible in between saying he loves me in between saying we dont get along in between saying he doesn't love me along with initiating sex. I came home and locked myself in the bathroom and just let out all the tears i held back and laid down to rest only to wake up in a panic because I instantly knew he wanted a divorce. He built himself a man cave in the garage and stays out there until he goes to sleep, and has done this for a few years. I thought it was so he could watch what he wanted on the tv, be loud, smoke etc... He now calls me stupid and says it was to get away from me. So I've had almost no contact since he dropped the bomb, and yes i at first cried, begged pleaded with him to give this more time. I ask him to give this a year and the best i got was " I'll try" but I know I wont make it two months. M Help!!!
Update: I have been keeping busy by doing housework for two days and decided last night I would go out to the garage to fold some laundry and see what he would say , or how he was going to act with me there. He pretty much ignored me, looked uncomfortable and i ask one question about a tv show and his response was mean and he said I am doing it again. (Talking nonstop and or questioning him to death) I left him be after that, but feel worse now that I realize he meant what he said about not wanting to try anymore, and I've been in a panic all night and this morning. He doesn't say goodbye, goodnight anymore, he doesn't call me pet names as he did just last week. My heart races all the time now , and when he comes home for work or comes to bed it's worse. I cant stop thinking and dissecting all of what he has said to hurt me, trying to remember tiny bits that went unnoticed that says he doesn't want a divorce. I feel sick inside and just don't understand why it has to be like this?
I just sent him an email stating that "i dont blame him for the way he feels and he is correct" I also went out to buy the 5 languages of love but they didnt have it so I bought divorce busters, the divorce remedy and one other book for the time being. I am not suppose to have another phone coaching till Monday but i set up for my second one today. I guess IM panicking
After my second coaching session i feel a little better today. I am reading the divorce remedy and trying to gal. Going to fill my own bucket as the coach suggested to me. Also I was having difficulty knowing how to interact with my h so my coach told me to act like a good friend only and nothing more, until his perception of what he thinks I think about him changes to good things. Makes since.
You have helped me so I wanted to come read your story.
How are you doing today with R?
How are you holding up?
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I'm much better than even a week ago, and thank you for asking.
If you can afford it i defiantly would hire a db coach, mine will explain the whys and what's that h does that confuse and hurt me. She also tells me word for word what to say, or how to interact with h.
Helps so much!
I get the best results when I dont hover and behave as if im doing me.
Men hate questions and lots of talks about r, it never works out the way you want it to.
I never ever drank, but now I will sit and have a beer with him, this seems to help me be more relaxed.
As far as intimacy mine wouldn't touch me after the bomb, so I just did nothing for a few weeks, and than one night I laid in the bed really close to him, testing the water , and kind of worked my way nearer and closer and fell asleep that way. But at some point in the middle of the night he had snuggled around me. But he was right back to the alien by the next night, so I waited a few more days and tried it again with good results.
Actions not talk in my case, dont ask for sex just initiate it and see what happens, but he might reject you so you have to just remember the response of "i understand" and be able not to react hurt.
What they say on sat might not be what they say on Sunday.
SO your H is still at home also. I guess this helps?
DB coach not in my budget right now. In case H leaves I need to be able to handle the house hold bills on my own, so Im being very careful what I spend my money on.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
