Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[Barrybran]

Tomorrow is a week! Way to go!

[Upwards]

Tomorrow is a week! Way to go!

I know!! Honestly that for us in AMAZING as we used to talk hourly every single day. Can stop wondering if he's missing me though or how he's feeling about it, suppose its only natural though.

Hope your doing ok Barrybran?

[Upwards]

Just had a text from H and not sure what to do, do I agree to sit down in person and sort these things out or should I request we do it over the phone instead (which would be more difficult i'd imagine). I'm worried seeing/speaking to him will set me back but I also know that these are things that need to be discussed.

Hi W, I need to sit down with you and discuss the finaces that I mentioned yesterday

[Barrybran]

All good here. Wife doesn't like me but I'm happy :p

[Barrybran]

Get him to email what he wants to know. Stick to your guns.

[Upwards]

We need to meet up at some point to sign some paperwork to do with the business so i'm going to have to see him at some point at the end of the week. I replied with this:

Can you email me please so that I know what was discussed? We can sort out a meeting at the end of the week if it's needed. Thanks.

[Upwards]

All good here. Wife doesn't like me but I'm happy :p

Glad your happy, that's the main thing. Your W is 'work in progress' so dont worry about that lol!

[Barrybran]

She's a work alright haha. She'd probably say the same about me though.

[Upwards]

Think we're probably all hard work at times, I'm certainly no angel haha!

[25yearsmlc]

Breakdown-

Don't mean to hijack the thread here, but what is the squirrel analogy and the blanket outside of the castle? I googled, but didn't find what you may be referring to.

I won't do either of them justice (so if someone has it, please post!), but basically:

Imagine you are trying to feed a squirrel from your hand. Clearly, any sudden movements will send them off running, so you must move slowly. You make your hand seem as inviting as you can, without scaring him off. And it's going to take an awful lot of patience on your part before he'll even consider it.

When the squirrel finally works up the nerve to come to your hand, again, any sudden movements will send him scurrying....you can't immediately start petting him or anything. If you do something to scare him, he may never come back. So patiently, slowly, over time, the squirrel will built trust to come to you repeatedly.

The castle analogy is the same concept, except your spouse is inside a castle, behind a moat, drawbridge, etc. You set up a blanket outside, start enjoying yourself, laugh, have a good time. Eventually, the spouse will get curious and start watching. They may even sneak out of the castle for a closer look. If it turns out you're faking it, or you try to grab them, they'll return to the castle and may not come back.

So the idea is, if you detach, start working on you, find yourself, etc....there's a decent chance your spouse will notice, and may come to check things out. You have to be extremely patient....before they come, and even after. You cannot apply any pressure, or they will bail.

Know that if they never come out, YOU must still have yourself a good time.

This knowledge is KEY. And darn attractive/attracting.


Up, you KNOW you have broken your own boundaries and each time it hurts and you say "lesson learnt".....

We all make mistakes. Making the same exact mistake is the most harmful kind b/c it makes your spouse doubt your changes,

and makes you feel like you have to start ALL over again....go from this day forward, and keep those "learned lessons" in mind.
KNOW and BELIEVE you will be happy again. See a STOP Sign when you next think of using your h as your self esteem booster. That is not his job anymore...and actually it never was. IT was always your job to boost your self esteem.

Please check out those TED talks by Shawn Achor and Amy Cuddy. One is on positive psychology and the other is "faking it til you make it/Become it"...

both videos are short, yet reflect profound findings.

Good luck