Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[Upwards]

They both have iPods so he usually uses FaceTime or iMessage but I asked him to not use that for a couple of weeks so that I've got space as he often asks the kids if I'm ok or says "hello to mummy" etc which is a bit naughty & I know it's cos he's missing me but it's not really fair.

I would never stop him having good communication with the kids & will do everything I can to support that, just not for a couple of weeks. They see him regularily so it's not like they have no communication.

I'm pretty sure he's only text thinking I'll reply cos it's about the kids - I've asked him to not call/text and only use email but he's just ignored that.

[Upwards]

Well H emailed me this morning regarding work and started the email "Hi W, hope your ok , I'm worrying about you" - what's that all about, why is he worrying about me, because I'm actually sticking with the NC and not falling for his attempts to pull me back into his web?!! Hes also called (ignored) & text, one of the texts was very playful and how he used to speak to me when we were together.

I'm feeling a million miles better since going NC, it's certainly what I needed to do. I've implied to him that I'm done with him & our marriage & I've begun worrying that I'm messing up any chance of R although I know that if he did want that I'm sure he'd let me know?

Since reading 5LL I feel like I need to share what I've learnt with him but don't think now is the right time, it's a shame we hadn't both read it before we got to this stage!!

I'm pushing forward with getting the house ready for sale & been looking today at buying myself a new DSLR camera, yay!

[Breakdown]

It's a push/pull dynamic. The more you pull away, the more he'll pursue. This is completely normal.

Since reading 5LL I feel like I need to share what I've learnt with him but don't think now is the right time, it's a shame we hadn't both read it before we got to this stage!!

Focus on you. You don't need to tell him anything....he'll see your changes.

I'm pushing forward with getting the house ready for sale & been looking today at buying myself a new DSLR camera, yay!

Good for you!

[Tarheel]

Upwards, sound like your actions are working, both for your well being and for the possibility of R! Keep it up and stay strong!

[Upwards]

Yeh for sure, this is the only way forward now - I've learnt when DB that if something feels "wrong" or "different" then I'm doing the right thing!

My 180s have certainly got his attention, over the past few weeks I've slowly increased their intensity up to this biggie which is complete NC and knowing him as well as I do he'll most likely feel like he's lost his arm right now as his 'safety blanket' has been removed - most importantly though the 180s have given me the strength & self respect to stand up for myself, be my own person and set healthy boundaries that will help to make ME happy.

I'm by no means healed, but I'm beginning to feel like I'm moving in that direction.

[Upwards]

Right I'm missing H tonight so many things have reminded me today of the fact that things are so different now, went to buy Mother's Day cards today (it's this weekend here in uk) and realised that my mother-in-law might not be that for much longer I bought her a plain card from me but it just felt really strange & hit me like a tonne of bricks. Feeling very sad this evening.

On Friday he's having the kids overnight (at my house) as I'm going out with friends/family, it's my opportunity to show him the "new me" and it will also be the first time he's seen me in over a week which is a huge break for us - bit nervous though!

[3boymom]

(((U)))) It is the little things that come out of no where that hit the hardest sometimes. I have received a lot of great advice on here that your R with your H's family does not have to end even in the event of a D. If you are able to avoid talking about your H and the sitch, you can still remain a part of their lives. Again, you cant control how they will respond, but you can continue to reach out. My H's family has been my family for 15 years (almost half my life) so I struggle with this alot!!

Make sure you are looking HOT on Friday

[Upwards]

Thank you (((3bm))) much appreciated.

Yes I intend to look KILLER For once I'm off out enjoying myself whilst he's at home with the kids!

His mum is fantastic, she thinks he's an idiot & he's making the biggest mistake of his life - she's sure he'll come creeping back - she's also dropping off the kids for me when he's had them so I don't have to see him for a while so I see her regularly. I will always keep in contact with them regardless of what happens & they've said I'll always be their daughter-in-law.

It's the little things that have hit me today - his email saying he's "worrying about me", seeing a "wife" mug in a shop, seeing couples in the street, found a note in a drawer saying "I will always love you" etc.

[Breakdown]

Hang tough girly....one day at a time.

[Upwards]

Well I didn't contact last night even though I was struggling, go me! Its been 6 days today and I'm really proud of myself, the only contact we've had has been via email except a short meeting last Friday. Woke up lots through the night having dreams/nightmares about him so not feeling at my best today, yuck!

I'm struggling because I want to know how he's finding it without me around, the only time we've ever had this much NC in the past 12yrs is when he was in rehab so its a big thing for both of us - he's contacted me lots and been ignored so he's clearly trying to break me & hoping i'll back down on the NC like I have in the past.

I need to stay busy today as I'm not feeling great & so i'm most likely to contact - need to remember that I wont get what I want/need from the contact.