Take Two ...

[Train]

Turns out H and OW have had bad days today. She was in court for losing her cool at home. She was ordered to chill out. I think OH wanted her ordered out.

And H found out about how much he's looking at having to pay in support/alimony. He sent a smarta$s text, asking if I told L about his average income from his second job. I just didn't take the bait. I haven't responded.

Smart?

[Starsky309]

Avoid answering, agree, but if you get pinned down at any point (like in person), just reply:

"I'm letting my atty handle all that stuff. I trust him/her."

[Train]

Good talk, Starsky. Good talk.

[Starsky309]

Ha! Griswolds!!

[loualea]

Hi Train

Understand the beating your head idea.. it hurts don't do it.. I know..
The affair thing is so hard to understand. i have been living in its shadow for 6 months..
My H decided the marriage was over before he started the affair.. so his logic is it is not an affair.
He forgot to tell me the bit about the marriage.

I wonder if the WAS is scared and also uncomfortable in their own skin My H is reading something on affairs.. I had things lieing around.. His comment..The writers are so negative about the people who have affairs.. use negative words like Walk Away spouse.Betrayed and . I was gob smacked. but agreed yes that is a word that is used..
He used to be the one being critical of men having an affair.. now it is OK if you decide that you separated.


somehow I think the staying away or low contact is for your benefit.. I too talk too much. I make a list before we meet to remind myself ( which is about once a month) keep quiet... , calm

My next goal is to not cry.. that makes him scared... and he runs away.. not sure how to do that.. I think avoid R talks and run away myself before I cry.
I know I am not detached.. dont even pretend to be.. but I am more accepting I guess.. and realise it will take time..

Accepting helps this is a crappy situation.. I am a good person but this situation is crap.

[Train]

My FAVORITE!!!

[Train]

Loualea,

I am so happy you dropped by. Thank you. And I'm sorry you are dealing with this crap, too. It's gut-wrenching. I'll find you on the boards once I'm at my computer and have a moment to write, and let's stay in touch.

Hang in there!

[loualea]

My thread is not so good.. sometimes posting helps other times I realise I have spent hours living other peoples misery...so stay off.

but I am back at a place now where trying to straighten out my thinking ..so posting helps..
and reading other situations..
hope the money thing gets ..you have children to consider ...
I hate negotiaitng money but it is not for you but them

as to trusting your lawyer my H was his most eloquent in 6 months when trying to logically argue that just because I have a lawyer.. does not mean I should listen to her ( especially when she is a pretty assertive and on the ball woman and scares the $$$$ out of him.)

I nodded and said "hmm let'S see" his standard PA answer..

good luck

[Train]

H told S7 last night that he's bringing a truck today to finish moving everything, all at once. I'm glad it'll finally be over. But it still hurts EVERY time he's here, moving more things. It's a painful, visible reminder that I've lost my lover. And my best friend. I'm going to try to find a reason to get out of the house for a while, but I have no idea what time he'll be here because he didn't talk to me about it at all, of course. He's pouting.

For some reason, I have had a VERY difficult time the past couple days. It's like, no matter what I do, I'm obsessing. I cannot keep myself in the here-and-now. I'm staying plenty busy and trying to thought-stop. But I just cannot shake the thoughts I'm having and the questions I have: Did I *really* make him that miserable? Were we *really* lacking THAT much? I have created a beautiful, peaceful home for him. We often had fun times as a family. We laughed almost every day. I wish I could show you guys what he made me for our anniversary: a beautiful tabletop sculpture made of metal built around a piece of wood I wrote my phone number down on the first time he asked for it. That was on my anniversary. That same night, he stayed up, texting OW. I discovered the affair 5 days later.

I just don't get how they can blow up two families like this. I don't understand how I don't have one of those Hs who is apologetic and remorseful and KNOWS better than to think this A is going to last. We JUST went through this 8.5 years ago. He's already showing ambivalence; he has since D-day. Why will he fight for HER love and affection ... and not MINE? We have a history together. I am the mother of his children and his biggest cheerleader and staunchest defender in life, and he KNOWS this, deep down. I have walked miles through hell to PROVE it to him. Does he really think this A is different than the last one?

And why couldn't OW be more apologetic and remorseful toward OH? I mean, she stands to lose custody of her own daughter!!!

I know, I know. Everyone has these questions. It's answered in two words: Affair fog. Right?

H is gung-ho about moving forward and "being done." He seems almost prideful when saying, "I left YOU." But yet he'll say, "If we ever get back together again, we're going to start all over."

If he loves me like he has SHOWN me he loves me (even if that love is buried deep in his psyche right now), how the he!l can he be doing this? How can he live with himself? How can he look at himself? How can he face ME?

And, what's more: Did he REALLY think this was going to be easy? What? He gets to leave and destroy his family, run off into the sunset with his putrid OW AND withhold his income so that he keeps 75% and *I'm* left with only 25% to support and raise his two beloved biological children and two stepchildren he vowed to help raise?? Does he understand that I'm thinking about his kids' needs 10 years down the road while he's apparently thinking only to the end of his you-know-what? Did he seriously think this was going to be THAT easy and that he was going to leave me with THAT little? And that I was going to "play nice"?

He treats me like I'm to blame, like I caused this, like I deserve this. And he gets all p!ssy when I stand my ground. (Even if my L is actually the one standing my ground for me.)

It is like someone has ripped my heart out and is stomping on it. Almost every minute of every, single day.

[Train]

(And you're right, Lou, posting helps. Sometimes, it's like my own little journal. But I so love the feedback and support here that I'd rather journal here than always in my own private space.)