So, I've got a couple of things coming up that I could use some opinions on.
The first is this coming weekend. My kids will be with me and as usual my W has mandated that the time with them is to be spent in her home town where they're living. The time is to be from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. I am thinking I need much more time with them than that and that I can't just go along with whatever my W is telling me. I am planning to bring my kids back to my province Friday afternoon and keep them here until Monday afternoon. My oldest D would miss a day of school.
Besides that, my W's bday is coming up in just over a week. I think I should at least wish her a happy bday and help our kids get their Mom a bday present and card. Besides that, I had thought a considerate gift would be to give my W an external hard drive with all of our pictures and videos on it from the entire time we were together. She has none of them and I would think she would like to have them, even if only so she has pics and vids of our kids.
Thoughts?
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Your W does not get to tell you where or how to parent your kids. If you want to take them back to your province, that's your call.
As far as missing school - are you supposed to have them on Monday or are you wanting to add on another day? If you are supposed to have them on Monday anyway, then I think it's your call whether your oldest D misses school. Would your W care if she missed school?
I think that would be nice of you to help your kids pick out a bday gift for Mom, and for you to wish her a happy birthday. I think the photos and videos of your time together is a bad idea - not only because it will seem to her like pursuing, but because I think you are attaching some expectations to that and you will be disappointed.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Going by my W's schedule I would not have the kids with me on Monday. That is her schedule though and not something I've agreed to. My W would likely get quite upset about my D missing the day of school mainly because it is something I am doing. I don't want my D to miss school either but since it is 8 hours of driving to come back home adding a day to the weekend makes sense.
The videos and pics would be seen as pursuing I agree. I don't know that I'd have any real expectations of anything positive from my W though, I know right now that pretty much anything I do won't be taken in a good way by her but I had thought giving her something like that is the right thing to do. I also want to show my kids that despite anything my W has done or said that I still will do the right thing when it comes to her.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
I see you are trying to be the bigger person here and do something nice for your W, even though she is being a PIA, but I would still say no way on the videos/pics. Why is it the "right thing to do" to give her pics and videos? If she wants them, she can ask for them, and if she does, THEN giving them to her is the right thing to do.
I will let the vets with kids chime in on the Monday issue. On one hand, I don't think that your W gets to make decisions about the kids based on her preference. On the other hand, I think that it may not be worth it to start WWIII over the missed day of school.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Not to confuse you Scorp but I feel that you should see the kids in your wife's town as per the current schedule. I agree with melissag that your wife doesn't have a right to tell you how you can parent the kids and there will be a time for this. I feel that now is not that time. You are trying to come to an agreement with your wife about 50/50 time, she's asked you some questions, you've responded and she's considering her answers. Don't rock the boat now. Keep to the schedule, earn her trust, get the parenting plan in place and then start making your own plans. As I mentioned in your last thread, you've got your lawyer in your back pocket if your wife doesn't play ball but for now, keep your wife happy and get that parenting plan in place!
The hard drive is a terrible idea and thankfully you see it now. If your wife wants those pictures, she'll ask for them. She no doubt has a camera on her phone so she'll be taking her own pictures anyway. By all means, help the kids celebrate your wife's birthday but make sure it is from them and not from you via them. As for how you reccognise her birthday, a simple "happy birthday. I hope you enjoy your day" by text will suffice.
I didn't see you here over the weekend so I hope you had a great one.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
I will not text her for her bthday, in my opinion.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
^^ Good stuff from the other posters. I wouldn't text or even email W to wish her a HBD. She's demanding and dictating you how to parent the kids when she just upped them and moved 4 hours away. Perhaps have the kiddos cut out a homemade HBD card for W from them....just throwing out an idea here. Make it about the kids and their Mom.
One question...do the kids have Spring break vacation up in Canada? Or some scheduled holidays/days off from school that is happening in the next few days/weeks?
I'm skimming this, but from what I see, I wouldn't take your kids back a day late. Get them there in time for school. If you don't, it show lack of responsibility, which doesn't help you.
Mel, the pics were just an idea on something that would be a thoughtful way to acknowledge my W on her bday without being too personal or gushy. A way of saying I'm thinking of you, I care but not thinking of her in a romantic way. It still would be seen by her as pursuing (safe to say I think) so I likely won't do that right now.
Sorry if I missed something - what is the status of the parenting time discussions, and what is your L saying now?
My W said she needed time to consider my responses to her questions. In the mean time she wants me to go along with her schedule. My L is preparing the D papers as well as the custody documents. They will be ready to go to be served to my W if she doesn't agree to 50/50 in the next week or so.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
