Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[Breakdown]

"Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do."

Forget the talk...it's meaningless. Watch the actions.

[Upwards]

Very true Breakdown.

I went to work this morning to arrange things there so we dont have to see each other - naturally it moved onto talk about "us" and we talked alot about what we've been through and how he feels he doesnt love me but fully admits that he cant allow himself to feel love as it makes him vulnerable. He said he's realised that he does want to be with me & his family and that he thinks he may be making a big mistake, when I asked why he's doing it then he said "fear"

When I was going he picked me up and cuddled me & said he's going to miss me so much, that he thinks about me all the time & doesnt know how he's going to live without me & he feels sick to his stomach that its over... it was on the tip of my tongue to say "thats because you love me" but I resisted. I cried, he shed a tear then we went our separate ways.

This is going to be SOOO hard but I know its the best way to get myself into a better place plus I think it has given him the kick up the bum to look at his fears and figure out what he wants from life. How i'm going to resist contacting I have no idea but i'm going to try my best.

[Upwards]

Day 2 of no contact (except for this mornings meeting) - very proud of myself, its been much easier this time than last time. Sounds like nothing but to say we used to speak hourly on the phone its a really big change!

Feeling slightly anxious but trying to just let it pass, feeling a little relieved not to have the stress/confusion and feeling a bit more positive about things too - overall a good day!

[Barrybran]

It's a good boundary and you're doing well. Remember that advice about what you'd say to your daughter.

[Roberta]

This is such an encouraging post. Keep up with the divorce busting techniques.

[Upwards]

Thank you I actually feel in control of my life for the first time in a long time, not fully in control but more in control than I have been recently!

Going to have a read through some bits in DR again tonight to keep me on track thanks for the support everyone I couldnt have got to here without you all.

[Upwards]

Must have been the calm before the storm.... I fell apart, completely overwhelmed & ended up ringing H - arghhh I never learn!!

I AM HUMAN - must not beat myself up!

[melissag]

Don't beat yourself up.

What happened when you spoke with your H?

[Upwards]

Not a lot really, we talked a little & he said how he has a lot of figuring out to do and maybe his feelings will change in the future but right now he knows he has to be on his own to work through his issues - same as usual really.

It made me feel much worse afterwards so hopefully lesson learnt! It's so hard as he's always been the one to support me but I need to realise that he isn't my husband in that sense anymore.

Woken feeling upset & anxious after barely any sleep, need to try and turn this day around.

[ye21]

Hey Upwards, have you checked any al anon meetings?