Hello this is gonna be my new thread for when I feel down, like today... Yes today its one of those days that I feel down...that the questions come back to my head....reading so many threads and posting my opinions its healing me....also I see posts that hurts me....
Some of you know my sitch.... I have good days and normal days....I am improving things and taking one day at a time...going to 90 meetings in 90 days in my debtors anonymous program its helping me as well....she hasnt go there anymore...she is the one that introduce me to it...
Its hard because I have doubts of how to deal with financial issues, today a conedison bill came as we own $304 dollars...she said she was going to pay that bill and it looks like she never did....
I know thats not the real reason for me to be sad, I know that what its hard for me its that now that I sm working...i see couples coming to the restaurant and having a great time...and I see girls by themselves and I wonder if my W its doing the same and that puts me back into pain.... Its just a though and I am getting better at accepting them and not giving them power but today I feel sad....
I feel that the other day when I was reading my 4th step and my notes from the past in all of them I complained about the same: I want my W to communicate with me, I want my W not to insult me, and I would like to have a simple talk about what you did in your day I never had that with her... Never a chat about buying a house, or having kids, she would always shut down about this...
And its not the fact of not having kids....its the thinking of why I was never able to cross that wall of her not communicating, what could I had done differently? And all that comes to my brain is: she didnt wanna to talk...nothing you could it done different, you are not a T you were her H....
Even when she left her reasons for asking for a D still not had been communicated to me.... And to my brain tonight the words she told me the other day keep coming.... I dont care that you suffered, you should suffer more, all the pain in yhe world...I dont care.... And I dont see what I did so she can tell me those things....
Tomorrow I am going to bike for a few hours...I am confident that this will pass... Its just that affected me that I was never given a chance...some people here had the chance to talk in person in the BD, I didnt....she left accusing me of immature and thats all....
Cant wait to wake up tomorrow and feel strong again... I know this pain I sm feeling its recovery and its necessary... Just needed to vent.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
I woke up feeling sad still...freaking healing proccess At least I learned today that when I am feeling like this, I cant think straight and clear...everything goes to negative and I loose hope...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
? Don't understand this...and how this fits into my sitch... Could you explain please?
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
God knows I am trying... I went for a 64 miles bike trip today, I get home completelly exhausted and the roomate who moved in 3 weeks ago without waiting for me to take a shower or nothing communicates me that she is leaving the apartment april 1st.... Seriously I dont know what els obstacles I can face... Its too much, I need to vent this because receiving so many slaps in my face its way too much...way way too much
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Ye, a little tip that helped me when I would be overcome with emotion like you are.
Do you have a smart phone or a tablet, etc? What I did was get the Pinterest app and create a secret board that only I could see. What I put on the board were inspirational quotes. Just do a search for them, there are tons of them.
I found that searching for them improved my self esteem. When I would feel down I would go back and read the quotes and even add more of them. I often read them before falling asleep so I would end the day feeling strong and confident. They became my personal motivational speaker.
Hang in there, we have all been there so you don't have to feel alone. With each day comes new opportunity.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
I never had that with her... Never a chat about buying a house, or having kids, she would always shut down about this... 
