Yes, that's the same realization I had as well. She just wanted to check with me first before doing it. It will go on the LOC. We have never carried any debt, but with floating two households here, we have taken some on.
I was wanting to argue with her on the other financial stuff she complained about. She was able to purchase whatever she wanted really. But I realize arguing is pointless right now . My actions speak louder than my words. Need to constantly remember that.
One more thing that I'm questioning. Wife has birthday dinner with kids tonight at restaurant. I've been invited, not sure if I should go or not . Anyone have thoughts. It's just my W and kids. I'm pretty torn.
I don't see why you wouldn't go. Might be nice for kids to see you together. But cut your tongue out and leave it at home before you go. Practice smiling and nodding.
Things have been going ok, but not great. I've been doing my GAL, and 180s, and they have been noticed. My WAW said something about now living with 100 ironies because I am so different. I just brushed it off, and didn't get into it.
I've been away with my kids, and came back. Minimal contact with my WAW wife and kids. She had been off on holidays as well, but had returned to work this week.
Now, as we are physically separated, I have been doing LRT. She complained she feels vulnerable when I don't respond to her texts, but I don't care. I've gotten advice from a L, who told me to maintain finances the way they are. However, I feel this really contradicts with LRT. I also know time is on my side according to lots of vets, but I'm not sure if I should be pushing to file, get a mediated agreement etc. I have determined what I want, and that is my kids. Of course it may not be that simple.
I'm trying to be aloof and mysterious as well. Bit of a funny question that I think I know the answer too already . Any harm in meeting women for coffee etc. Just as part of getting out. I understand I'm not in an emotional state to offer anything, but I just want to go out and feel good about myself. With the kids staying with me all the time, I don't get out much. I do know the bar scene violates Sandi's rules, and that's not me anyways. Of course if I was only doing it to make my WAW jealous, there would be no point I know.
So with respect to LRT, given where I'm at, I know this may take awhile. I need strength, courage and a belief that I can achieve my goals. I am trying to measure my results. I feel I had better results when I was playing nice before, she was questioning her decisions more . However clearly not enough . She still moved from her friends to her own place. So the strength and encouragement to stay on the LRT path is what I need , and continued detachment. Thanks to everyone for reading my rambling thoughts.
I've been following your thread because it seems so similar to mine, and we seem to be having the same questions at about the same times.
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I've been doing my GAL, and 180s, and they have been noticed. My WAW said something about now living with 100 ironies because I am so different.
I'm in the same place here - WAW says she sees suddenly I've become an interested parent - wonders where I was for the last 10 years, and she thinks it's all fake.
I think all we can do is keep going. Maybe they will eventually accept that it is real and not fake. That may not affect outcome of M, but it never hurts to be a better man.
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I've gotten advice from a L, who told me to maintain finances the way they are. However, I feel this really contradicts with LRT.
I did the same last week, and got the same advice. Being a harda$$ will soothe your ego, but it will be bad in D proceedings if you get there.
I don't know that it contradicts LRT - in my case, I think it makes her life entirely comfortable without me, and she can cake eat all she wants. I feel I want her to feel consequences for A, but that has to happen in a way that isn't me punishing her, it's got to be the consequences of her actions. I am still confused on this.
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Any harm in meeting women for coffee etc. Just as part of getting out. I understand I'm not in an emotional state to offer anything, but I just want to go out and feel good about myself.
Yes, you are right, you know the answer. Slippery slope, my friend. What I did was join a wine/dinner club. There are singles, solos, and couples. I enjoy it immensely. You will meet other people, women included, but it is in a safer environment. To stay honest, I imagine bringing my wife with me some day, if we get to that point. That helps me keep any relationships with the individuals in that group in bounds.
In my case, anyway, I know my WAW is still convinced that we are dysfunctional and cannot fix things. She has no interest in doing any MC together. She is working on herself and discovering bad behaviors that predate me in her life, but I am still to blame. She is fixing herself for her future without me. I have to give W time to get to a better place with herself; it can only help.
Meanwhile, I am becoming a better parent. I need time to perfect this.
I am becoming a more supportive H. It seems to be working. She sees it but doesn't believe it. This needs consistency over time.
I'm GALing and building my future support group. That needs time.
So, my advice is to use the time wisely. Is there a need to rush to an undesired outcome?
I'm not rushing there until I know that time is no longer helping.
Figure out for yourself how the time is helping your situation, and apply yourself to those areas.
Thanks for your insights. I have been following your stich as well. Quite a few similarities, except my wife has physically left .
I couldn't agree with you more on the time factor. I also do not want to rush things at this point. It's very difficult to be so patient, but becoming a better father and future partner are things that take time
Like your W, my W has had several issues predating us, as well as when we were together. In her mind, her IC will be done when she doesn't blame me for everything. This tells me she recognizes that she has a responsibility in what has happened. But right now, she said previously, she is skeptical that we can bring out the best in each other. Sounds very similar to your sitch
Meanwhile her escape to her A in relationship Disneyland continues, and I just focus on myself and the kids. As easy as that is
Thanks again for your insight, and best of luck with your continued DB ing!
In her mind, her IC will be done when she doesn't blame me for everything. This tells me she recognizes that she has a responsibility in what has happened.
Well this sounds positive actually.
I think in my W's case, she thinks her IC will be done when she's figured out why she let me make her unhappy for so long. [even though I can pull out last year's love letters that she wrote, or fb posts about going out to dinner with her love...]
BTW, did you say English was not your first language? It's very good -- wondering what your primary is?
Thanks for the English nod Zew, but while I am fluent in Spanish and Portuguese, English is my first language
I was just thinking to myself, probably the biggest problem for me is that my wife thinks she could just come back if she choose to. I don't think she feels like she has lost me at this point. Not sure if that means more GAL, and tough love. It's a fine line, that's for sure.
