Unlearning conflict avoidance - 11

[25yearsmlc]

I made the "Spiritual problem" statement a bit generically, b/c I know it can push buttons for people with various views & fears about religion, or what was intended when I made the comment.

But to me, anyone who cannot justify their LIVING on the planet, has a profoundly fundamental problem within, & that goes far beyond relationship issues,

yet it could also cause many of those^^ R issues.

Luke, there are many reasons you seem stuck to me. But the superficial ones are just that; superficial. Luke, what's up with your IC?

I'd pay out of pocket if you find someone good, if the problem is related to some insurance issue.

You need to work on this b/c it's the big obstacle to most of your progress.
You can make those behavioral changes and if you watch those TED Videos, you'll see that they can change us, within, as well. (Did you watch them? The Shawn Achor re; Positive psychology, and Amy Cuddy's talk, are not very long and they are on point here).

In your case, Luke, I wouldn't suggest only changing behaviors -- b/c you are in your head so much, I think you need some "mental clarity" in there too. And that's why I harp so much on digging deeper.

Make sense? And fwiw, this whole DB ordeal was painful as he11, but it brought out a spiritual side to me that I had ignored since my early 20s. It was deeply renewing for me. A book called "The Gift of Change" by Marianne Williamson had some useful parts to it.

For some, she is too "new agey" but for me, parts of that book, and the premise of it, really resonated. Lose the fear, and move forward with optimism. Luke your life could improve so much, so soon, I wish you could see that.

You need not find a specific church for this fellowship, (but it sure helps) and you can seek out fellowship in other places.

But for me, fellowship is another word for being with people with whom i have a deeper bond than mere acquaintances.

Like the other participants at the workshop, THAT was fellowship. You need that a lot more in your life Luke.

You once told me that our conversation was unlike any other you had had, in decades. Luke, I kid you not, I have those at least weekly.

I'm positive you would love having more of those, and for that reason, I urge you to JOIN something, this month. A class, a club, something...Pretty much anything that allows for connection and genuine communication...but JOIN with others...soon!

((((( )))))

[LuckyLuke]

Action: asked d16 out to see Budapest Grand Hotel and she accepted. Am having lunch with an American living here in town next Friday. Am having dinner with fellow alumna in Stockholm that same Friday evening. Have registered for 4 Meetup groups, all of which sound interesting. Talked to my sister yesterday, who has been very kind.

Probably going to work in Budapest for a week in two weeks, visiting my German relatives before that, including my favorite cousin, with whom I had a falling out a few years ago. Will probably be in the States all of May.

I have a work interview scheduled for Monday, for a job in NYC, to where I can't really imagine moving just now, but it is good to stay in practice and see what is out there.

Watched both YouTube videos you recommended, MLC, and have been reading From Shy to Social, which has good ideas.

Yes, fellowship would be wonderful. This may possibly be slowly coming to be with my French friend. I just need to take that step...

Thanks, all -

Luke

[LuckyLuke]

Action - walked to cinema and saw Grand Budapest Hotel with d16, a good movie. Her favorite superhero is Wolverine. Brought up going to Stockholm, which now looks to happen over Easter vacation or possibly next weekend. I got invited by two different people to dinner last night, but was already booked with d16.

W had a dinner party with 2 girlfriends last night, fwiw, so going to movie with d16 fit perfectly.

Hard running on schedule for today.

Luke

[LuckyLuke]

Action - I joined a political party whose platform I agree with. We are getting to be enough people in the province here to form a working group, which I have volunteered to join. I found the party via Meetup.

Luke

[MrBond]

Alright, so now you know that if you're there with your D, you can take her to the new XMen movie opening this summer.

What type of ACTION have you been doing in terms of your W?

[LuckyLuke]

All quiet on the W front, who has been civil recently (and latches the windows properly). The focus is more on GAL for me just now. I have invited the dance teacher, who needs to lose weight, for a walk and dinner tomorrow. He knows things about living well that I can learn from.

The XMen movie sounds good - thanks - Luke

[25yearsmlc]

Sounds like you are GAL Luke, and that is great news.

Keep up the good (hard) work, b/c it is SO worth it.

((( )))

[KenF]

while having these conversations with D16, start listening to find an activity you can do with her that can be recurring. movies and shopping and dinners are great, now find what can you "your thing" that the two of you do consistently.

dont let up, dont get complacent.

[MrBond]

Ok but what have you learned to interact positively with your W? I mean she still lives with you so the interactions you have together could grow into positive ones. Not necessarily for you to get a good M, but so you can actually grow in that area.

[LuckyLuke]

d16 will be home early this afternoon and hopefully hang out a bit with me. The little outing to an early flowering south facing hillside that we had discussed is probably on hold given the unfriendly weather outside (typical Sweden is March stuck in the 40s and overcast, a windy, shifting, April, and a beautiful May).

Yes, complacency is a danger...

d16 has a new instrument home to test (she needs to upgrade what she plays on), so I'll certainly have some thoughts for her on that. She and W had her parent-teacher-student interaction last night, about which I haven't heard much yet, so I'll hopefully get the lowdown today.

Interaction with W is still an upstairs-downstairs/oil-water thing just now - we don't mix much - I mostly see her at dinner, after which she goes back upstairs and I stay down, in my office, doing a mixture of work and play. I am not sure how to develop it beyond being friendly and interested.

Luke