Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[Barrybran]

So far so good, Upwards. Just keep telling yourself what you have to do and why. You'll get there.

[Upwards]

So far so good, Upwards. Just keep telling yourself what you have to do and why. You'll get there.

It doesnt feel like it right now but thanks.

[ye21]

Upwards , you are doing great, you are a very worth it person to fight for... And what you are feeling now its normal...you are not alone, we are with you....

Even the cry that you seem so sad, its healing you... We dont know whats going to happen in the future but now, today at this moment you are doing great.... Keep doing what you are doing

[Breakdown]

You're doing great. It's ok to have those feelings....just don't hold on to them. Let them pass thru you.

NC is extremely hard. As I mentioned, I waffled many times over the last year. Each time I pulled away, she chased. Sometimes I was simply weak. Sometimes I felt hope. Sometimes I told myself we could be friendly without problems. Never did she show true commitment to change or to give up OM, and each time not only did I get hurt, my trust diminished, and my resentment grew.

It's only now that I see by not holding my ground, I actually hurt my chances of R. She has never truly lost me (until recently), and it's probably gone on too long now to ever recover. So each time you feel that weakness, that loneliness, that hope, or convince yourself you're ok with it, stop and really be honest with yourself.

[ye21]

Sadness? ... Are you sure or is it love?

[Upwards]

Upwards , you are doing great, you are a very worth it person to fight for... And what you are feeling now its normal...you are not alone, we are with you....

Even the cry that you seem so sad, its healing you... We dont know whats going to happen in the future but now, today at this moment you are doing great.... Keep doing what you are doing

I appreciate the support more than you could know. I know crying helps process everything & is normal, I feel a little better this afternoon and already feel more in control of my life.

I just need to take each day as comes & try not to think any further than that right now. The future is scary right now, but also a tiny bit exciting.

Sadness? ... Are you sure or is it love?

Not sure what you mean?

[ye21]

I am showing you to separate your feelings... You are sad because you love him...
Now somebody its probably dying but I dont know them, its sad that its happening but I dont love them so it doesnt affect me...
Can you see it now?

[Upwards]

You're doing great. It's ok to have those feelings....just don't hold on to them. Let them pass thru you.

NC is extremely hard. As I mentioned, I waffled many times over the last year. Each time I pulled away, she chased. Sometimes I was simply weak. Sometimes I felt hope. Sometimes I told myself we could be friendly without problems. Never did she show true commitment to change or to give up OM, and each time not only did I get hurt, my trust diminished, and my resentment grew.

It's only now that I see by not holding my ground, I actually hurt my chances of R. She has never truly lost me (until recently), and it's probably gone on too long now to ever recover. So each time you feel that weakness, that loneliness, that hope, or convince yourself you're ok with it, stop and really be honest with yourself.

Thank you Breakdown, your posts always help me so much.

My IC has told me to do the NC and even if I waiver when having a bad day and end up contacting, dont throw the towel in just get back to it - so that's what i'm going to do instead of beating myself up if I do end up contacting him at some point.

I know I need to do this to get myself into a better place and to detach from the situation - I also believe it gives my M the best chance as it will put a stop to H having everything he wants and being able to carry on without making any decisions or facing up to the reality of this.

He's just emailed me saying how sorry he is & if I need anything to let him know, he's making promises of dealing with his fears and has booked to see his counselor on Monday so maybe its given him a kick up the bum too - either way that isn't my problem to think about!

[ye21]

When we say I am sad...we involve other feelings... Dissapointed, angry sometimes, resentfull...
Switch that sadness towards love...i love the way things are because this is helping us both grow... I love this experience that I am having because its a gift others dont get...my life its getting better even if I cant accept change as a positive outcome...

[Upwards]

When we say I am sad...we involve other feelings... Dissapointed, angry sometimes, resentfull...
Switch that sadness towards love...i love the way things are because this is helping us both grow... I love this experience that I am having because its a gift others dont get...my life its getting better even if I cant accept change as a positive outcome...

Yeh I understand what you mean now.

I'm trying to see the positives its very hard when your in the thick of it though isn't it. I know this is an amazing opportunity for me to grow into the person that I used to be; the strong, confident and bubbly girl who took no crap off nobody and loved to have fun - that's the girl my H fell in love with & it was his actions that caused that girl to shrink away, now its time to revive her and be ME again!