So, I'm sending off my latest message to my W tonight:
W, I note that you have not responded to my repeated requests that we work out an amicable timesharing arrangement that allows us both to share time with our children equally. I will discuss the financial matters between us when we have a parenting agreement in place that provides for us to share time with the kids equally.
S2's car seat will need to be replaced no later than November of this year.
I have all my paperwork ready for my L for tomorrow.
I'd considered that I need to go against the schedule my W has dictated of having my kids with me every other weekend. If I kept the kids with me until Monday this weekend it wouldn't be a huge departure from what she's pushed on me but it would say that she can't just do whatever she wants when it comes to the kids. It could definitely put more fuel on the fire though.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
BTW, the last line of the message to my W is "S2's car seat will need to be replaced no later than November of this year.". Looking at my last post it looks like I'm send her info about my L and going against her schedule, hehe.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Hi Scorp! I am the seedy character that Mach referred to in Part 5. My apology in the delay as I couldn`t find part 6 yesterday.
I had a similar situation when mine went down in 2010. Granted, my ex didn`t change provinces but....
She arbitrarily did not return w my daughter as scheduled and announced that she would be staying at xxxx and I could see my D3 any weekend I wanted. No separation agreement or parenting agreement in place then.
So I just called the police and informed them that my wife had stolen my child. They called her and informed her that what she was doing was illegal.
yes, she called me and screamed. I simply told her that if she wanted an amicable D that was best for D3, `you don`t start by stealing her``
The big problem here Scorp (and a L won`t tell you this) is that the greatest principle of law is "The Law of Precedent" If you let this go on, she will have upper hand as this current sitch will be the new norm and it`s an uphill battle to change it.
Wherever she is now either has city police or RC`s. CALL THEM and explain the situation and ask what they can do. Inform your L before you call them. And it sounds like you may need another L as I`ve seen a couple posts suggesting he`s not exactly a go-getter.
You said that Alberta is best financially. Are you near C, E or FM?
I'll watch this thread.
Control is impossible Detach from the emotion of this Be your natural self Earn back your self-respect Assign responsibility equally Realize this process will improve you
Hi Scorp (again) I read part 1 and 5. I have a WAY better feel for this now.
Scratch what I said earlier as the police will be of no help at this point in my opinion. This has been going on too long.
|Your threads are PILED with awesome advice!!
I've noticed that you are finally coming around to playing it a little harder.
The key here (and repeat it to EVERYONE) is YOUR kids.
EVERYTHING you DO and SAY has got to be framed as in their best interest.
This is not about your W. An interesting thing for you to know (and feel free to Google it as I don't recall the source) is that the MOST important influence on a female under 10 is HER FATHER!!!
You got two, my friend. And every day that you aren't there to be a male role model is affecting them. How you behave (take charge; get it done; strong and fair, etc) as a male role model will affect their future in ways you can't imagine.
I hope that puts enough fire in you to stop waiting and start doing.
What your W wants is immaterial now. She "acted" to show you what she wants. "The kids, the money, and a doormat"
You fully control number three. And that's her key to the first two.
If your L doesn't respond with the urgency or passion required to get it going, GET ANOTHER ONE!!
In any contact w your W (and let her come to you!), you stress that NOTHING will happen about anything until the custody issue is resolved.
I'm actually surprised that your L advised you to keep paying her. Cutting off her unofficial support would have changed her tune pretty quickly. My ex was told by her L to stop contributing to our mortgage to force me to capitulate.
I did not play that game. Tightened the belt and kept going.
The hardest part you face is the time that she's had it her way. See my comment in first post about Law of Precedence (Status Quo) The longer a sitch has been a particular way, the harder it is to change.
You should feel an unbelievable urgency to change how it is right now.
It's time to DO.
Your kids are counting on you. And watching.
What has your L said about the BS arrest she had made on you?
Control is impossible Detach from the emotion of this Be your natural self Earn back your self-respect Assign responsibility equally Realize this process will improve you
Can you please un-moderate "CDBear" so that is posts can show up here. Thank you.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
LOL Scorp! I was like, why the heck are you telling your W about your L?? When I got to the next line I kinda figured that was your commentary.
I'll be interested to see how she responds now that you have made it clear that you will no longer be bullied. Great email, good for you. Make sure you keep your resolve even when she blows a gasket, which she is likely to do. You have drawn a line here - make sure you enforce it!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Thanks Mel I know I'm doing the right thing but it sure feels wrong. All I want to do is give her a big hug and tell her things are going to be ok, no matter what happens. I'm guessing she'd run away if I tried that right now, lol.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
I'm doing the right thing but it sure feels wrong.
Reframe this....
instea of "wrong"....it feels "different".
Fighting for your kids is NEVER "wrong", standing up for yourself and having healthy boundaries is not "wrong", consulting an atty to secure time with your kids is not "wrong"....
It just feels different.
DB is counterintuative. Remember that. The wanting to hug and wisper sweet nothings in her and ear and tell her everything is going to be okay...is not counterintuative. Practice reshifing your focus.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks Eric. I still seem to have trouble separating fighting for my kids from going against my W. Fighting for my kids definitely doesn't feel wrong of course.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
The problem IMO, is usually the level of detachment. For a while you will continue to think of you and your W as "we", when in reality - today it is YOU and HER.
I know how bad this sounds and I know it [censored]. Here is the thing though....a lot of times, you need to really let something go in order to get it back.
Letting her go and really focusing on YOU for once and for all will help address some of these "wrong" feelings.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
