Thanks for making me a fighter...

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ.

Perhaps it is depression. I don't think it's drug use. At least I hope not. I haven't seen any evidence of such.

H was angry when I picked up D. Accusing me of not paying the lunch account (not true) and of not paying daycare (not true). I didn't get involved in the argument. H didnt have D's coat I bought her (left it at OW's) and didn't have her ballet shoes. I called him right away on that. He said he would bring the coat by tomorrow and he didn't think she had ballet tomorrow. I told him she had class every Monday. He said oh.

I picked up S at youth group and he looks exhausted. He told ms H was taking them (OW and boys included) to his brother's timeshare in the Wisconsin Dells for spring break. I said that sounded like fun. He said he didn't want to go. I told him to relax and he might have fun. Nothing I can do about it, so I might as well chill out.

H did ask me to help him out this week. D has dress rehearsal on Thursday and S has a soccer game. So H is pretty awesome but he has t yet mastered being in two places at once. So he conceded that he needs help. I had asked him to put some mousse or something in D's hair if he gave her a bath Thursday since I have to get her hair ready before her performance Friday. He looked at me like I was from another planet. Whatever.

So the anger is still there for H. And it's still coming out at me. You would think I would be used to it by now.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

So S just came running in my room crying hysterically. I asked him what was wrong and he showed me a text he just sent his dad asking why his dad felt the need to split up the family and how he feels. I asked him what made him text his dad so abruptly and S said he couldn't hold it in any longer. Then I saw H text back "S, I already told you why". I asked S if he wanted to continue the conversation with his dad and he said yes. So now S is behind closed doors with H. I don't know what to think??

I know H will just turn around and blame me. And here H thought once I was out of the house his problems would be over. I guess they are just beginning.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

I was right. S showed me the text from his dad blaming me for the divorce. How he couldn't take the abuse and the constant yelling and the constant anger from me. S told him how he knew I was trying to change and not yell so much. S said he knew the real reason for the divorce and how H refuses to see anything good about me because he is too focused on OW and her kids. H told S they would discuss it in person.

I read it and smiled and told S to get some sleep. It's been a long day for everyone. D is clinging to me. Not sure what is going on there. She seems to be a little freaked out.

I'll go back to praying. It's the only thing I can do.

WH

[AJM]

If it helps, WH, my ex started by saying she wanted to leave but didn't know why. Then no feelings (there's a name for that, but it escapes me), etc, and finally re-remembering the past and blaming me for wanting to leave.

It's easy to get turned around and over and under when you're near them. But as the distance grows, you start to really see what's going on.

I can't imagine your ex being able to allow himself to see it. He just doesn't have the tools.

As for your son, he is expressing himself. You can see how hard this is on him. He's angry. Really angry. Therapy might be a good investment of time sooner than later....

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ.

Yes, with H it was "I just don't have THOSE feelings for you anymore". Then it was "All you did was yell" and "We have nothing in common". All excuses. But it doesn't really matter. What has been done cannot be undone. There are two sides to every story. Now he just tells mutual friends that still talk to me that he is hurt because they believe "my lies".

H is a classic narcissist. Gaslighting, projection, switch and blame...he learned these tricks eons ago. I am dealing with a pro. He tells S they will have a discussion, but there is no discussion with H. Either he will avoid the topic completely or else tell S a bunch of lies and preach excuses to him rather than discuss. That's how our "discussions" used to go.

I did have S in counseling, but his counselor was being treated for cancer and she is no longer working. I was hoping she would come back, but I don't know if she is or will. Otherwise S has to start over with someone new and I don't know if he is open to that. In the interim, I contacted his soccer coach and asked if he would mind talking to S as a neutral third party. S needs a good male role model to look up to.

I wish I knew what else to do.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

My lawyer's office contacted me and just told me H received a bonus of $6600 earlier this year. That bonus was to be put into my attorney's trust account. It never happened. H also got a raise which was not disclosed.

H filed an "offer of settlement" with the courts and declared that if we did not accept the offer within 10 days he would seek 12% interest and double taxes on any amount awarded to him. My attorney said that is ridiculous and inappropriate.

H still has me taking on the entire marital credit card, but says he will take on the entire amount of S's dentist. He made 3 stipulations about maintenance. One, I take a buyout of $8,000 in two separate payments. Two, we both forgo maintenance. Three, he pays me $400 a month for five years or until EITHER PARTY gets remarried. HA! Trying to pull one over on me. It's supposed to be until I get remarried, not H.

I told my attorney H is setting this up to go to trial. My attorney disagrees and says H is just grasping at straws and trying to force our hand and agree with his proposal. My boss said he is getting desperate.

I am just at my wits end with this garbage.

WH

[job]

Your h is trying to pull rabbits, not out of a hat, but through a keyhole. He's desperate and he's going to dig his own grave deeper and deeper all by himself. Now he's gone and screwed your lawyer over and lawyers don't take kindly to not having money put into trust accounts when they are suppose to.

I know it's difficult, but you have to step back and really look at what your h is trying to accomplish. He's trying to say that if he gets married, the maintenance will stop, which we all know it's you, if you get remarried. He's really looking more stupid by the day.

I've got a nice bag of popcorn for you and I want you to come sit down on the curb w/us. The show is just starting and we need to sit quietly and wait for the ending.

Hang in there!

[wishing, hoping]

I'm trying to distance myself from this situation because I know it's ridiculous and stupid. And I cannot see that the judge will be in agreement with how H is handling this.

I think H knows he has been discovered in hiding money from the courts and is bluffing his way out by threatening me and the attorney.

As far as the 12% interest and double taxable blah blah blah, my attorney said that is common practice in settlement cases with insurance claims, not divorce claims. Typically a party will say if you pay me such and such amount I will drop my case but if you don't agree and we go to court and the judge gives me a settlement then you will need to pay the interest and etc.

I don't know where H is getting these hair-brained ideas from. Apparently he and OW plan to marry ASAP? So he probably thinks I will go for the $400 per month deal and they will be married this year or next and he will only have to pay me for six months? Does he think I just fell off the turnip truck?

My attorney is drafting a response. He is taking H's new wages and figuring out a new support amount for me. Also, he is updating our marital balance spreadsheet to see how much of the credit card H will have to take on.

WH

[job]

Yep, he thinks you are stupid enough to take that offer and because he's talking out of both ends w/lots of bs that doesn't even apply to your situation, he's hoping to scare you into a panic and you'll accept. Unfortunately, you've got a lawyer who is doing his job and is going to take him to the mat. I do not think it's wise to challenge your lawyer because I think he's strong enough to take your h on.

WH, keep on driving that turnip truck...the one that fell off of that truck was your nutty buddy! LOL!

It's going to get very interesting. I have a chair waiting for you on the curb, come sit down and watch this all play out. Popcorn, anyone?

[wishing, hoping]

Yes, Job. I do believe H's house of cards is crumbling even faster than before. He is desperate. That is why H wanted me to sign that agreement ASAP that I don't get any of his bonuses. H KNEW he was getting a bonus and he KNEW how much it was going to be. This is the second bonus that he has failed to disclose to me and my attorney. My attorney found a bonus last year as well by looking at H's paystubs.

H hates my attorney, and this is why. My attorney does his job. The attorney has my best interest at heart despite H telling me my attorney is out to screw me. The puzzle pieces are starting to fit together.

This is far from over. H will have another trick up his sleeve. He will claim I am in contempt of court for something or another. But $6600 is a lot of money to hide, doncha think?

WH