Yes, I agree the filing is just a piece of paper. At the end of the day as long as you can honestly say you did all you could do, that is all that matters.
It has been my personal experience that what we feel or think are negatives turn out to be positives.
The D, as I know you know does not mean this is over. You and only you say when it is truly over.
I have no doubt that whatever you do...will be the best for you.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
T, I have been checking in on you since forever, I guess it has been awhile BC I am shocked at your current status. I am here for you. I support your decision. I do caution the diy divorce. I have looked back several times and said thank god I had a good lawyer. Get it all covered up front. They know things that will come up that you don't even think about. All I'm saying is I think it was money WELL spent! And I'm a diy guy that barely had the cash at the time.
Hi PW! Long time man! I do agree with you, I think I'll use a L after we go through the forms and such together first, see if we can agree to enough to minimize the costs.
So last night was supposed to be move out night, she put it off, she is spinning with second thoughts per her convo with me (and not just because of the kids, I was included a wee bit, lol). So tomorrow night is the next target.
I even found her some perfect boxes and stuff...
I told her she HAS to do this, take the 2 month break from house/family duties now that she is clear enough to see things as they are and would be.
I said that if she didnt take this break, it would come back later even worse, and/or she would always "wonder" and that she doesnt let go of stuff like that very well.
She said she knows...She did bring up that this is a good time because of her usual "peak" of her SAD in April and May, I had forgotten about that.
As the vets said, I have been experienced feelings and thoughts I thought long dealt with, such as rejection, the BD "gut punch", disbelief that this is really happening, etc.
Then on the other hand, some happiness, some relief, some starting to look forward to it. <--- This surprised me.
I have lots of stuff planned to do with the boys, some changes in a lot of things in the daily house life...structure is coming. Chaos receding...
New rituals, turn this in to a big male-bonding spring!
Fires, camping, projects...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2, I have to agree w/you. She needs to do this in order to see what life will be like or she will always wonder what might have been. I'm not surprised that she is waffling. She's unsure of what this may be like and yes, the possibility of separating/divorcing.
I think you have been handling the situation very well. Sounds like you've got a lot of plans activities that you want to implement. I will say this, if she does move out for a couple of months, you are going to notice a heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulders in the way of stress and egg shell walking. Yes, that's right...even though you've been doing wonderfully, there has been a certain amount of stress on you. Enjoy your new found freedom and definitely take some time for yourself. You've earned it.
Enjoy your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Then on the other hand, some happiness, some relief, some starting to look forward to it. <--- This surprised me.
I'm not surprised in the least, T2. I think it's normal considering what you've been through.
I will say that it won't seem "real" to you until she either comes back or goes away completely and you can repaint/redecorate any way you want.
I suggest you consider redecorating some anyway. It can be changed if she decides to come back. And you decide to let her.
Peace!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Well, she and I together had the meeting. She was good about being honest and putting this on her and her issues, lostness, being burnt out, etc. 2 out of three boys were okay, they thought D at first, but seemed a bit relieved that it was a break for Mom and trial separation.
The youngest I am a bit worried about, but us guys are a team now. I was strong, assured, CHD...I will be watching for any delayed reactions.
Sunday morning was the move out day.
I am glad that part is over. Lol!
And I feel completely okay. At peace.
I made this absolutely awesome vegetarian dinner Saturday night. Red quinoa, baked yellow potatoe fries, braised onions, carrots and cabbage with turmeric and juniper berries off our tree, and beets. The boys loved it, and I put together a package for her first night at her new place so she wouldn't have to cook after work. She was happy, yet teary. I'm gonna make sure she and her roommate know what she is leaving.
If I'm going down, it's with CHD. And compassion.
Planned up a killer week of cooking, interviewed the boys getting their input for what they want to eat....this is going to be fun as h3ll!
Sunday morning when she left she was crying, even initiated a long hug with me. Her voice wavered saying she'd be by Tuesday to see the boys.
The boys and their friend and I had a pizza par-tay, gaming consoles glowing...
My oldest commented on how calm and peaceful the house was...hmmm. And it was.
I have a living room again after 2+ years...I forgot the what the view was like. I stayed in their most of the day and evening when I wasn't doing the needful (cleaning, etc).
I'll be using the time to dig deeper into what I want and need, it may be more productive not seeing her everyday.
New phase in the journey commenced...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2, Very well done. Everything will be okay once the dust settles and your children have already sensed the change in the atmosphere. There really was more tension in the air than you thought. Now, the healing will begin.
Keep up the good work! I'm very proud of the way that you have and continue to handle your situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
