Happy Bomb Drop Day to me! 2 year anniversary today, and somehow we’re both still here! I have to give you, my DB team, credit for much of this. Thank you everyone.
My family recently had a meet-up with my brother from out of state and his new W. My W not only continues to be part of these events, but seems to be getting more comfortable at them. Everyone had a good time. Even so, W was careful not to sit too close to me… Still doesn’t want us to touch... might get cooties I suppose.
A couple of nights ago W and I were at home discussing our pets. As W walked by I gave her bottom a light pat. Not sure why, except that it was right there and I was feeling bold. She continued her sentence without a flinch, and made no comment regarding the pat. (?)
Last night when I got out of the shower I asked her to towel dry and brush my hair, and she did, for a couple minutes.
So, for now the plan is to continue to look for opportunities to touch, when the timing seems right, and build upon it. If at any point I get rebuffed, I’ll use T2’s line:
“That seems to have made you uncomfortable, I never intended to do that”
This will open the door to continue the conversation on the topic, and allow me to listen to her and express my thoughts so we can move forward in the most productive manner.
Keep on Bustin’!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Hey Fy, you are seeing some good stuff from her. I am glad,my friend.
This just popped into my head so I wanted to say it. I absolutely get the touching her more. I am wondering though, if they need to be more like the hair brushing for right now and less of the bum patting, ya know? That should come, without a doubt, maybe a little more down the road. Although if she had no reaction, that is a good thing.
As I said, just a thought. You are doing wonderfully, my friend.
Two years - time does fly! Although two years, too many, right?
With respect to the touches, if you do things that she was OK with before and get no reaction, that could be a good thing. I guess it all depends on whether or not you were a "touchy-feely" couple.
I am wondering though, if they need to be more like the hair brushing for right now and less of the bum patting, ya know?
Yeah I know, right? Heehee. On the other hand I think it's good to not be fearful of doing/saying the wrong thing. Just be our comfortable selves. Especially in a case like mine where my W is still here, doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and is still mostly "in" the marriage.
Having said that, It is also important not to be foolhardy!
Yes, Portia time sure does fly when you're having fun!
I took the day off work today for a routine check up with my primary doctor. Last time I did this was a year and a half ago. At that time I reported several ailments, all off which seemed to have no cause. It likely was due to stress. I'm doing so much better now that I had forgotten about these things!
Jack said that if our spouses are worth it then don't give up on them. W is still worth it to me.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Yep, you should be yourself, absolutely. I was just thinking because of what had happened in the past that time between you and that patting there was a place to work towards.
But you know best. You are there living it.
Glad you are doing so much better than you were in the past.
Thanks UR. Yes, W’s past and our one time incident prior to BD does seem to be driving much of this, so I do need to be careful not to offend her or send her running back into hiding.
Wonka, I do offer words of affirmation but W is not open to accepting them. She’ll often refute my WOA, telling me why her, or her actions, weren’t good enough. I usually just follow with something like “Well, my comment is how I see it/feel about it” and leave it at that. Not sure if there’s much else I can do, except to not give up on her.
Her self-esteem is rather low, but it seems only she can fix this.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Wonka, I do offer words of affirmation but W is not open to accepting them. She’ll often refute my WOA, telling me why her, or her actions, weren’t good enough. I usually just follow with something like “Well, my comment is how I see it/feel about it” and leave it at that. Not sure if there’s much else I can do, except to not give up on her.
When I give out compliments and I encounter some people who appear very resistant to it, I ask them "Why can't you take a compliment?" in a soft voice. That usually stops them in their tracks and they recognize that they're resisting genuine compliments because of THEIR own discomfort. It isn't about you at all.
