I need some quick advise...my wife and I have been seperated for a month but still living together. We'll she recently has been bringing up and asking about my plans to move out. I have told her I respect her request, but I am not moving out. I told her I was standing on the promises of God, and I would be staying and fighting for my family. It's her and I and our three children(3,6,12) She also requested we split our finances so that the money I'm spending on counciling is not coming out of "her" money. So this morning I text her to let her know one more of my checks would be depositing into the account, but I would be making arraignments to have things changed before next week in regards to getting my own account.
Her response was this, "Ok. I know we don't agree on how to proceed right now, I also know that things take time to become a habit: you are on your way to starting a new habit- if and when it becomes evident that you've left your old ways and actions in the past I feel that we may be able to move forward. Anyone can put on a front for a little while, but honest change takes time."
My response was that I respected what she said and appreciated what she said...
What does this mean?????? Is she just making me think that ther is a better chance of us making it if I move out. Is she being munipulitive to get me out of the house?
It's only been a week but she hasn't brought it up again. And nothing has really changed...she is still distant, and I'm still panicking. I have been doing things for myself, like attending support groups, counciling, and lots of church. I would pay for patience at this point...
I agree - do not move out if you are standing for your marriage. My H talked about moving out for over a year before he actually took action.
Now he lives with OW who is divorced with 3 children - she is also 17 years younger than my H. Will it last? I doubt it.
I am standing for my marriage and my family. Don't know if I am going to be successful but my H's affair is over 2 years old now and H has been living with OW for over a year.
My H and I still see each other when H visits my son at our home but my son is going to move to another state around the end of the month. So don't know if I will see H as much. But when I do see H, we flirt and are even intimate at times. So who knows?
If I stand for our marriage and family, I have a chance. If I give up, then we are done. And I am not ready to be done.
I feel that is my spiritual role in my home. With Christ help, to be the spiritual leader as I stand on the promises of His Word. I asked my MC last night if I had homework... And he told me to go home and honor my wife... Sounds difficult when we're seperated and still cohabitating... But there are ways...kinda like when Michele talks about pushing their good buttons without even touching them...
So now she is saying she is going to move out...This game is about OLD. She does hardly anything at the house, I feel like as if she is not even there when she is there. Her cell phone has become her new focus. So that's how i'm living, as if she is not even here. I don't have any expectations of her when it comes to anything. Kids, house, finances, and so on... Don't know if this is right or not, but its all I can do at this point...any one have input...
When we talked the other day, I asked her how she felt about me staying somewhere a few nights a week to give her space, so she didn't move out and displace the children by moving to another school district. We never really came to terms about this idea.
So today she brought it up again. That I had told her I would find a place to stay, and I hadn't done that. And if I didn't she would be going ahead with her plan to move and take the children with her.
I just let her know again what I initially proposed...
But i'll be honest with you, this part of the forum is for the spouse that actually WALKS away. You'd be in a better position if you moved over to the "Newcomers" section.
This section doesn't get much attention, and I think you'd get a LOT more advice over there.
Now on to your question for now. You sounds like your a very spiritual person, and I applaud that. But lets face it, its not really helping your wife when you bring it up, the problem isn't God here. Its ANY communication. I think the most important, and also the hardest thing to do early in these situations is to give you wife time and SPACE.
You have to understand, right now ANY form of relationship talk is going to just push her further and faster away. Have you checked out Sandi's 37 rules?
Have you read Divorce Remedy yet? Its very important right now not to let her try an escalate much in terms of communication. As far as she's concerned your marriage is over. Read that last line over and over, and don't think for a minute its not true.
You've got a LOT of work ahead of you. So put up a new post in "Newcomers" and include things like your ages, time you've been married, and any kids B12 means boy 12 years old. No names.
Write out what you think has happened to get your marriage in this position. The more info you put up, the better advice you can start getting without people having to ask a lot more questions before that will give advice.
Be willing to give an honest assessment of yourself too. It will help. Know that we're here to help you, not break up your marriage, know that some are going to give you the digital 2 x 4 for some of your actions. But know its done so you see things from an outside perspective that will help you.
And for now, the biggest tip I can give you......and I apologize for the language used .............but STFU to your wife for now, your only making things worse talking. Get your story out so we can help you get to work.
Start your OWN thread there, not in one of the sub forums. I see you've got posts in a few places. Get it all in one place and stay there, so ppl have the information at hand, and can follow along much easier without having to bounce from place to place.
I couldn't follow your threads since they're all over the place. Have you actually read DB or DR? You never answered this question, yet keep requesting answers.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
