M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
My personal assignment for this thread is to start letting him go. I have still been trying to fix him and make him all better, pointing out his hurt and flaws like he didn't know this. He knows it, just doesn't know how to deal with it...yet. He may never know how or want to and I have realized that now after our last go around. He may realize it and want to step up, but I may not be around. For the first time, I am ok with that.
I have this gut feeling that this time things will go farther down the path to Dville, and I am ok with that too. I think our sitch needs to get deeper in the bog before anything will change.
I am ready, bring it on.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I get those gut feelings too. Sometimes they are warning me of impending doom, other times, I'm simply doing to my part to create the worst case scenario by dwelling on it and putting all my energy into it.
What about the best case scenario? I've heard tell some people dwell on that and it turns out OK in the end?? I'm more a negative thinking kinda gal.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I know I wasn't very db last night, but that is what happens when I get so emotional. Something I am trying very hard to work on.
Pud,
Frankly, I don't believe you.
In the last several weeks, you have had at least 3 R talks. You have said each time that you know you didn't DB well and that you are going to try to do better.
In this last statement, you qualify what you did as what happens when you get emotional. As if you can't control yourself.
A but...negates anything that comes before it and I absolutly hate buts...
You know exactly what you are doing...although I don't know if you really understand why...
If you look back over your M, a ton of the stuff that has happened that has created problems has been when you have been "emotional."
You need to stop letting that be an excuse and start owning your actions.
You can control yourself. You can work through your emotions, without sabotaging what you say you want, if you choose to...
Nothing in the last several R talks has done much to "wake" your H up.
If anything, you are solidifying his decision to be done by showing him that you really haven't changed at all.
It is still about your feelings and your agenda.
So my question to you is are you really interested in doing what you need to do to possibly save your M, or are you more interested in having your say regardless of the cost?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
So my question to you is are you really interested in doing what you need to do to possibly save your M, or are you more interested in having your say regardless of the cost?
I needed to hear this. Thank you Cat.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I agree with your insight and appreciate your frankness, cat.
I know I say things and get emotional to have some affect on people and no, I don't understand why as a grown-up I still do this. It has always been the only way I knew how to get people to really listen to me. I want it to stop. I just don't know how. How do I apply this? What things do I need to do to change this dynamic in myself? My mind really does not grasp this at all and how to do it.
I can only work on the M if I first work on saving myself.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Everything Cat wrote coulda been written to me too. That's me. I own it.
For me, the pleading and the impulsive regurgitating of emotions to someone who has made it clear--he's can't handle it and doesn't want to--for me it's about being abandoned again. It's a feeling of helplessness... of loving someone, again, who can't love me back in the way I need him to. It's me beating my head against a brick wall until I'm bloody because I so desperately need someone to hear my pain and stop hurting me. I'm asking someone to HEAR ME. Which is really ironic because I think that's what my H is wanting too. Our pain gets in the way of us really hearing each other.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
1. Be aware of my emotions; I CAN control them 2. No more R talks from me 3. STFU 4. Realize he is going to do what he needs to do; his feelings although I may not agree, are his feelings, allow him to have his journey without me 5. No more 'but...' 6. Let him go, let him go, let him go
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
