Son of a nutcracker!

[Takevowsserious]

Hello my DB friends

My thread title has nothing to do with MLC, DB, marriage, affairs, relationships, etc...

I just love the movie "Elf", and quote it often this time of year

Things have been busy here, I've been trying to read along here and there. There's been much introspection on the boards lately, and I include myself in that.

This upcoming Christmas will be my third MLC holiday. The second since bomb - the first was less than a month before bomb at the height of H's anger. Not. Good.

I wanted to share some of my MLC holidays highlights, or should I say lowlights. I've been thinking a lot about my journey so far...

Let's rewind ~

- December 2011. I had noticed for months that H was becoming more distant and withdrawn from me and the boys. He was also becoming increasingly critical of me and irritated with everything. His complaints about me included everything from how I did laundry, cooked, dealt with the kids, and my personal favorite, put items in the recycling bin.

You really can't make this stuff up.

I remember a specific incident that is still upsetting to me. We were at breakfast with Santa, and H flipped out on S5 (who was 3 at the time) for dropping a sausage on the floor - then yelled at him for crying. When I intervened to try to calm things down, I got a mean look and was later told that I was trying to undermine him.

This memory is very sad for me. Sad that S5 was treated that way, sad that he had to feel his father's anger like that. But also sad because I know that my H probably doesn't even remember it, and would be mortified at his own behavior.

H and I bickered more and more. He came home one day, and told me he bought me a nice card for Christmas.

Christmas came and went, I did not receive a card.

Months later, I was sick in bed and went to get a tissue box from the nightstand drawer. There the card was, unsigned. It was very nice, sentimental.

It's still in the nightstand drawer.

Early January, I find H in the garage talking on his cell phone at 3:00 am. I could hear it was a woman's voice. He looked right at me and lied, said it was his brother. I had no idea what had been going on behind my back with my friend. I was bombed two days later

[Takevowsserious]

- December 2012. H was no longer really angry, but had slipped into full- out alien mode.

Every year, we go out to cut down our Christmas tree. We've been doing it for years.

H texted the whole time, hiding his phone often. He was there in body, but not in mind.

Christmas Eve day, he tells me that he bought a few things for the boys - could he give them to them before bed tonight?

Red flags went up everywhere for me. He had just got done complaining that they were getting too much, and he hates when they get candy. It was gifts from FT. (That's Frumpy Twat for those of you joining me - I believe rosa came up with that wonderful term )

H gave them the gifts, and of course was trying to video the boys and take pics of them. I tried to get in every shot - lol! Then he was texting, texting, texting...

I can tell you one thing. This will not be happening this year. I will call him on it if she tries to give them gifts.

Christmas Day, he was extremely down and depressed in the morning while the boys opened their gifts. Showed zero interest, did not help them or take any pictures.

As the day went on, the alien persona came out more. There is a pic that was taken of all if us, and I hate it. It doesn't even look like him - it's rather creepy.

A few days later, his parents had us over for dinner. They had relatives visiting from out of town.

At one point, he was sitting in the kitchen, on the floor, by himself, texting with the most serious and grim expression. I wanted to yell - is anyone else here seeing this?!?!

He was home New Year's Eve, but very distant. Fell asleep early, or at least pretended to so that I would go upstairs and leave him alone. At midnight, I sent him a simple text that said happy new year. No response, even though I heard him in the kitchen. He told me the next day that he didn't get my text till the morning because he was sleeping.

New Year's Day, he claims he is going over his brothers for awhile in the afternoon. I ask him if he would be home for dinner because I was making a nice roasted chicken dinner. He says yes.

He calls hours later and says he's ordering pizza with his brother. He didn't know that I talked to his mom earlier and she said the brother was on his way over for dinner.

He comes home that night with the news that his car had been hit when parked at his brother's. He acted very guilty, and not angry for a supposed hit and run. A few days later, he tells me it will cost $1000 to fix. He and I have it out about money. He takes $1000 in cash out to pay for fixing his car. My theory is he hit someone and paid them.

The 2012 holidays stunk.

[Takevowsserious]

Well, here we are. 2013, almost 2014.

I have found that journaling has been very helpful to me along the way.
When I go back and read things, it does help me to see that there has been movement from my H, but also a lot of growth from me.

H has been spinning more lately. But when I think back to the past two Decembers, it is a big improvement.

This year, he was great when we went to get our tree. Seemed happy, didn't text, sang Christmas songs in the car. He even stayed home while we decorated the tree (he went out the past two years)

Still, seeing some odd behavior from him. He's been acting weird - if you can believe this- about sending out Christmas cards. He asked me more than once who we are sending cards to, and, do these people send cards to us?

??????????

I think he saw FT tonight - you get to a point where their behavior is pretty transparent. The lame lie. The guilty behavior when they come home.

I was feeling down about it, and decided - f that.

So instead, I took the boys to see Santa, out to dinner, and then came home and snuggled with them under a blanket while watching "The Polar Express".

I'm happy now

When the vets post about MLCers acting crazy around the holidays - believe it. Accept it. But also believe that you can find happiness and peace by spending time with the special people in your lives, that you can make sure you and your kids celebrate and have fun to the fullest.

[reachingHigher]

But also believe that you can find happiness and peace by spending time with the special people in your lives, that you can make sure you and your kids celebrate and have fun to the fullest.

That's a beautiful thought, Tvs.
And thanks for updating us.

[job]

TV,
I'm glad you returned to post an update. You and your family have come a long way and I'm glad you decided not to allow his behavior to bring you down last evening. I'm sure the children enjoyed seeing Santa and eating out. I've always loved the Polar Express.

I'm very sorry he's still showing signs of mlc behavior, but I do hope things will get better in 2014 for you and your family.

Enjoy the holiday season w/your family and friends. Live your life to the fullest.

[Raine]

Thanks for posting the update T! It's really good to see where this has come. I remember your stories from Christmas 2012. That was around the time I joined the board. Your H has come a long way, but he is going to continue to hold on to her until the end. That fear of dropping all of the ropes and being left standing there with nothing has to be one of their biggest fears. But he is seeing the light for sure. Seeing what he has and what he could lose. Before I don't think he could see anything, except his hand in front of his face. I have such high hopes for you and hope it will be soon. Sometimes they have to face really losing everything before they realize they have to drop all the other ropes to be able to hold tight and firm to the one that leads to you and the family.

Oh, and I was the one who coined FT. One of my finest moments

[Jack_Three_Beans]

TVS,

It's a good journal. Enjoy your boys, take comfort in their happiness. If he texts don't let it bother you, or try not too, you can always try and have some...fun with it too.

How do you do that, Jack?

Let me tell you.

If you find it bothering you, then play into the lie.

Oh tell your brother I said Hi, and ask him if he liked the Hat I sent him.

When he later says yes he liked the hat, go...oh wait no I sent him a gift card to Outback.

Keep it up for awhile, and you can always go you know I think I'll text him myself to clear this up....with no intention of doing so.

Enjoy your day.

Oh and may reindeer poop on FT heads this holiday. Hopefully she is looking up when this happens. : )

[JuneReN]

Jack, I like the way you think...

TVS, the best to you and your babies

All snuggly warm under the blankie....makes me smile.

[Takevowsserious]

Hello everyone!

Thank you for all the responses

rH, Christmas last year was hard for us in different ways - but look at us now - we both survived and are another year stronger and wiser. I hope this Christmas will be a very special one for you and your family.

Job, you always remind people to live their lives to the fullest - and you are absolutely right. It is difficult at times, especially when the MLCer is acting out during the holidays, to ignore their wackiness and make the most of time with our family and friends. Yet - that is EXACTLY what we need to do.

I love this time of the year, always have, and made the decision that I wasn't going to let my H take that away from me.

I have a feeling that one way or another, 2014 is going to bring some interesting changes to the TVS household

Hope you have a nice holiday job, and maybe even squeeze some time in to watch "The Polar Express" while drinking some hot chocolate

Oh dear Raine... That WAS most definitely one of your finest moments - lol!!!

My H was such an alien last year, his antics really out there. He does seem so much more calm and settled this year. BUT... Still hanging onto his FT lifeline. I'm assuming with both hands, with all of her girth - lol!!

I'm beyond happy for you and all the positive changes that are happening

Hi Jack!
I do like the way you think also! If Comet or Blitzen want to drop a steaming load on FT's cabbage patch- like face, well, it certainly would make my days merry and bright

I also like your idea with the cell phone. Here's my idea (kinda borrowed from uRw )

I would love to secretly film his facial expressions while he texting. When this all first started, you should have seen him - smirking and flirting. It was beyond obnoxious!

I haven't seen any of that in a LONG time. Now, it's a serious and sullen face. Sometimes even contemplative.

Seriously, wth????? LOL!!!!

Hello Ruby
Thanks for stopping by. Snuggling with the boys always makes me happy. I try to soak up every moment with them, time goes by too fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing really to update here, just busy doing the holiday preparations plus dealing with both boys having ear infections and H spinning MLC holiday style

One interesting thing to note...

I have to tell you all that it has been extremely difficult for me to have to see her at work. Sometimes it really wears on me. I feel like there is no escape - I have to deal with reminders of the affair at home and work.

Just as I see my H be moody, I see it in her too. If I take a step back away from my emotions and get my T2 clipboard out (and maybe even goggles too, safety first!), her behavior is quite strange and interesting.

There are times at work where she seems like she wants me to see her, and will go out of her way to make that happen. There are other times where she will seem to avoid me, turn around and walk the other way when she sees me.

Sometimes she is all smiles, other times looks p!ssed. Go figure.

Anyway, on Friday she called my work phone from hers. I saw her name come up, and I got a bad feeling about it.

I didn't answer.

She tried calling again a few minutes later, and I still didn't answer. I can honestly not think of one work related reason that she would have to call me about.

She's up to something. Just haven't figured out what it is...



That's all for me tonight folks, have a great weekend

[reachingHigher]

That's interesting about the missed phone call, TVS. I wonder if you'll find out this week what it was about. Or will you not have that occasion till after New Years?

I really admire you for the fortitude you have to have in order to put up with this affair so long. So painful.