You often hear how difficult the Holidays are for people with relationship issues. How true it is. This week was my first Thanksgiving without my W. Today is her birthday, and she is celebrating it without me. I feel like a piece of my life is missing.
I need to get divorced. I need to move on without her. There is no question that what needs to be done has been done. But, the feelings just don't go away. A friend told me on Wed that I needed to let her go. I asked him where the on/off switch was. I can't seem to find it.
I am told that these feelings never go away. But, in time they become less intense, less frequent and shorter in duration. I wish I was mild Rip Van Winkle and could go to sleep and wake up in a year.
I have been thinking about dating a lot. I went to one of the free on-line dating sites and was browsing. I don't know why. I wasn't going to contact anyone.
A female friend has been texting me a couple of times a day. She asks how my day is going and shares what her day was like. I usually just make small talk, but we have shared some of our deeper feelings related to our divorces. She has been separated for 2 years and has emotionally moved on from her husband. She is ready for a new relationship.
She is always suggesting activities that we could do together. On Tuesday, she told me how much she liked the Hunger Games and how badly she wanted to see the 2nd movie. I finally told her that I was not emotionally ready to date, that my D was not final and that I was concerned with my kids feelings.
She said she understood. She continues to text everyday.
Tomorrow my kids go to my W's for 2 weeks. She had plans this week, so she asked to switch weeks. They have been with me for 16 days straight. Since I won't have any parenting responsibility for the next 14 days, I was thinking about going completely NC.
I really don't know what to do with myself. I don't remember ever being without kids for this long. I play soccer Thursday nights, but that is my only scheduled activity.
I went on-line and looked for ballrooms to start taking dance lessons again. The closest one is 35 minutes away. They have a group lesson and social dancing every Wed night. It isn't very expensive, so I am going to go.
I would also like to play some hockey. I will have to contact all the local rinks and see what nights/times they have pickup hockey.
* I have the terms of my divorce finalized and a firm closure date.
* I have a 3 year financial plan that gets me completely out of debts, pays off my spousal support in 2 years (I agreed to 5 years), and allows me to buy the house I am living in.
* I live in a beautiful house, have the rooms all setup for my kids and me, and have good arrangements for school and child care.
* Me and my kids are all in good health.
* I have a good job that I enjoy, pays very well and comes with 5 weeks vacation.
* I have tremendous support from friends and family (Including my XW's family).
* I am loved and forgiven by Jesus Christ.
I have so much to be thankful for. I know that I have been blessed. Why can't I be satisfied with this?
The die is cast, she is no longer my W. Why does the sight of her, or the hearing of her voice affect me so negatively. Why does the thought of her with other men hurt so much? Why is this so hard and taking so long? I want to move on.
My kids are at my W's for 2 weeks. It is very strange having this much time on my hands. I need to fill my calendar.
I took a ballroom dance class tonight. After the class the studio was having social dancing, but I didn't feel comfortable enough with my dancing to stay. Maybe next week.
The class was Waltz and East coast swing. The lessons are progressive where you learn something new each week. I am not sure how that will work with my every other week custody schedule.
My W calls me a couple of times every day. She doesn't actually talk to me and is always very short, borderline rude.
Monday she called to tell me I had mail at the house.
Yesterday she called to tell me that I have to put her back on my insurance. Our divorce is scheduled to be final Jan9th. She wants me to put her on my insurance Jan 1, and then remove her Jan 9th. For the priveledge of providing her 8 days of insurance, I get billed an additional $110/month for the entire year. I told her no.
I also explained that the enrollment period is over and I couldn't make a change even if I wanted to. She needs to get her own insurance. She told me that she is going to call her lawyer and take me to court. Why this is a bog problem yesterday and was ignored when I emailed her my plans before Thanksgiving is beyond me.
Tonight she called to complain that I am not doing a good enough job helping the kids with their homework and that my D6 is falling behind in reading. She is 6 and can read. How far behind can she be. More threats, this time if I don't do a better job helping her with her reading, she is going to take me to court and take my kids away.
Finally tonight, she called and left a message that D14 was swearing in the house, that she made her go outside, and that I need to come pick her up. She is no longer welcome in her house. I ignored the message. Her and D14 need to work that out.
I am working on patience and forgiveness. I want a better relationship with my wife. It can't be like this forever can it?
I missed my D6 Christmas concert tonight. It is my W's week for custody. The concert is at 7:00. At 6:30 my W calls and tells me that her and D14 got into a fight, that she dropped her off at the side of the road and if I care then I can go pick her up.
I tell her that she has custody, that she can't leave D14 on the side of the road, that she is the parent and she needs to work it out. I get to the concert @ 6:50 and see my W. I ask where D14 is. "I don't know, I told you if you wanted you could pick her up".
It is December in Mi. It is dark and 10� out. D14 doesn't have a key to the house, or a cell phone. She is wearing a light hoodie with no coat. I call home, no answer. I call her friends, she is not there. Finally I leave the concert to go and try to find her.
At about 7:15 D14 calls me from her friends house. 5 minutes later my MIL calls to tell me that D6 is just walking unto the stage and that I missed her.
I have no idea how to handle these situations. Do I react to my W and go pick up my D right away? Do I stay at the concert and let D14 figure things out on her own? Do I take my W to court and fight for full custody. Do I just let things play out, be patient and hope D14 and my W work things out. I have no idea what to do.
I don't understand why she needs to make life so difficult.
W just called and wants to know where D14 is staying tonight. I tell her that she should probably stay here. After making her guest appearance at D6's concert, she is off to her Tue. night volleyball game. MIL is left with D6 and D12 for the evening.
And off she goes without a care in the world, or any appreciation of the chaos she leaves in her wake.
"And off she goes without a care in the world, or any appreciation of the chaos she leaves in her wake."
This is what we were talking about in terms of forgiveness and resentment. You haven't dealt with it yet. Building up resentment only hurts you and no one else.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Actually, I have no idea what you are talking about. Do you ever write a post that isn't critical? What is it you want me to say or do?
Yes I resent her for causing me to miss my daughters Christmas concert. I resent the manipulation. I resent the conflict. In what world do you live in where this is not a normal reaction?
