Yes, I totally understand this isn't your job. I was just antsy because Ive participated in forums for other subjects, and it was just different.
My behavior . He wants me to earn more money. So, I'm looking for another job. His cheating came with the marriage, I just didn't know it. It's his first marriage. I found out a year in that the woman he had been dating before me didn't even know they were broken up when someone told her he was engaged to me.
Broken people I guess. I don't think this one will make it. I've done some homework, he's hidden his money. This has been sometime coming. I just have to let go.
Now, slowly, what are his complaints about you? The marriage?
His age makes him ripe for a mid life crisis. How was his childhood? Parents?
No sex for a year sounds fishy. Any other reason for you to believe he is seeing someone else? If he is, would you still stay in the marriage if he confessed his mistake and reformed?
Lets start there. Please take time to gather your thoughts and be detailed. We want to help you but its hard with so much emotions interfering with your written thoughts.
This is a difficult time and we have ALL been there! Take care of yourself. Eat, breath, sleep, exercise and stay in close contact with your kids. Focus on the things in your life that are not in turmoil. Take the time to smell the roses....
Life is beautiful. Dont forget that.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
His complaint about me is that I don't make enough money, that my daughter and I have run him into the ground. I could spend time here defending that absolutely , but that's not why we're here.
Although he was a serial cheater the first 4 years of our 8year marriage, I think it stopped a few years ago. Sex dwindled as he stopped cheating. Basically stopped two years ago. I suspect it is because of ED. I still do. Although he denies it is a medical problem.
Up until 2 weeks ago, he was very very affectionate and loving. He lost a political election nov. 5th.
Im going to get away for the day today and do what you said.
Mid life crisis is usually triggered by a tradgic or life altering event. The lost election could be the trigger.
In any case, lets not worry too much about his issues that are driving this behavior and lets just focus on what you can do about it.
What behaviors can YOU start to change that will change the dynamic?
I sense a lot of negativity and hopeleness in your tone. Is that how you act when he is around?
You need to work on being positive because it will show on you. People like to be around positive people.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Im interviewing for new jobs, Im proactively financially preparing to leave and be able to care for myself and daughter.
She is starting college in January - so the timeing of this is like pulling the rug from beneath us both. I am having to register her at a local college instead of away, to save money. And I have no idea where we will live.
So, I have a lot on my plate - but Im doing it. Im definitely depressed but Ive been staying busy and not moping around the house.
Some direct questions regarding the 180. We are sharing a bed, given that I had emptied the guest room a few months ago for a remodel. I sleep on a couch when its too hard for me - but what should I be doing here? If I set up another bed should I make him sleep in it?
He doesnt want to tell his family yet, he is generally very private when dealing with them. So, he wasnts me to go to Thanksgiving dinner at his Moms. My daughter, who is 17 - simply wont and I will not make her. This would be difficult on me emotionally as I love his family, especialy his siblings. But I can do it if I should.
I had a question. Do you really want to save your M? I mean, from your basic tone in your comments and from what I read, it doesn't seem like you're whole heartedly in to reconcile. Is it what you really want?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
MrBond has a good question. How much do you want this? Or is it out of convenience?
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
I love him with everything I am. I am fully committed to him . I would like to save this marriage . And I'm going to try until I can't . I'm not hopeful but I have to do this.
I am going to his mothers for dinner and plan on bring As happy with his family as I always am. I told him I don't agree with his Decision to divorce, but that I accept his feelings. I think the best thing I can do is become independent and get happy.
