Acceptance...

[subguy]

I have done FPU and am debt free except for my house. It can be done, it is not easy and takes persistence and well worth the effort. Dave Ramsey is local for me and I use to listen to him when he first started his radio program.

Beans and rice, rice and beans lol, you'll understand that saying intently.

Good luck and work the program, it will help get you back on track financially.

[Live4myDay]

Having a grip on your finances is soooo empowering! I signed my D and will eventually get my S on board to do this together. My X and I had always struggled with money so now that I am on my own I want to dive right in and teach my kids, if its not too late, the importance of how money works in your life.

This is definately be a 180 goal for me. I am doing this for ME!!

On another note, I went to my dragon boat practice this morning and feel a little more confident in it. The coach even commented how he thinks I could really become an asset to the team! Yeah!

Now I just have to give this new guy I'm meeting with tonight the "new" and "improved" me. Kinda like a tryout of sorts. And, NO TALKING ABOUT X!!!

I'm actually starting to like myself again.

[Live4myDay]

Ok so Date Nite Update. I had a wonderful time. I went with no expectations. We had talked on phone so I did feel very comfortable with him. I was nervous meeting him and his expectations of me...you know "great picture but then you see the total package"

I really think I could start a relationship with him. I have met 2 other men and just didn't really connect, but this guy was different. I really liked him and felt completely comfortable. We talked and laughed all night and have a lot in common especially in regards to family and how we were raised.

We are meeting again this Friday, but we had hoped to see each other sooner. Neither of us could work something out.

So I've been thinking...is this moving on dropping the rope so to speak? Am I giving in? Now that I date someone it's ok that the kids dad is with his GF? What if I start R and X turns around...now I have someone else in the picture and I don't want to possibly hurt them either.

I've been saying a lot of prayers over this confusion. I mean seriously, do I even get involved? What is the path God wants for me? I know to be happy. But my commitment with my vows? I mean X was the one who left and I should be free, but emotionally to truly be free...will I always hope X will come back?

What is it that God truly wants of me?

Thought provoking questions...

[JJAC2005]

I think that there is a bit of a misunderstanding here....to detach is to live as though what the ex does in their lives doesn't effect us because it doesn't include us...dropping the rope so to speak is a term used as you are no longer getting involved in that tug of war over things with the ex.

I understand your excitement to get out socially and find a connection with someone of the opposite sex, especially if its been a really long time.
and it is exceptionally enticing if there is a bit of attraction and chemistry to go with that.
One thing is certain...you want to be happy in life. I think that if God places things in our lives that make it better, we need to acknowledge it for what it is and be thankful for it...and if our ex comes back into our lives, if we truly have done the work we need and understand what we now need in a relationship and how to achieve it without a huge amount of tension or drama....it will move us in the direction we need to be

[figgeroni]

I agree with what JJAC said...

God wants us to be our best selves...to be whole...

The people in our lives should reflect that.

Sometimes life hands us difficult decisions to make...the right decision isn't allows the easiest one...

sometimes the right decision is the hardest one to make but...it will ultimately give us the most peace.

My ex came back...he wanted me back. He was the same person. I was not. In working on myself, I realized my own worth and I realized that God wanted me to have the best...and the best at that moment was being alone because my ex is a bad bad man.

[JJAC2005]

L4MD....
I think the question you have to ask (IMO) is what do you really want?
I believe that if your (our) prayers come from our heart....God will address them according to what he believes our needs to be at that time.
In my case, I am getting the message that I need to learn "patience", "humility", "respect" and "selfless ness"
On top of that....I have a lot to get back under control and rolling for my future. I have made huge strides, and am looking really good, but I know that I have a long road ahead still....and its always best to take your time for 2-4 years after such a life changing event like ours.
I'm glad you had a nice time getting out....and being social is essential to staying healthy, happy and engaged in life...
By the sounds of it...your making your way to becoming a new and improved "you".....and that sounds awesome...keep it up!

[Live4myDay]

Well to give you all an update: Had a second date last Saturday. Very nice and felt comfortable. He makes me feel important to him and we have great conversations!

He is also a pretty good kisser and things seem to move a little to fast for me...I had to back off. Got really freaked out about moving any further. I just felt uneasy like I was cheating. Ridiculous I know!

I'm divorced. I'm an adult. I can handle a mature relationship but not on the second date. We talked about it and I think I scared him too. We're going to move a lot slower starting out as dating only. "My" way of dating. Maybe a little old fashioned in this day and age, but I take intimacy very personal and after 25 years with the same man I'm not going to just give it away.

Another kink in the story is I may be moving possibly by the end of November...could be even sooner. Not just moving down the street...moving 2-1/2 hours away.

We talked about that too. I just don't want to complicate his life and get all involved and then I up and move.

So maybe I'm just not ready for all this. It was nice to feel appreciated and even made me feel wanted. Had a lot of feelings I hadn't had in a LONG time.

But, if I walked away tomorrow, I would be ok with it. I realize I still have a lot of trust issues. Trust as in is he telling me I'm gorgeous because he means it or does he just want a nice date to come home from. It's real hard to take a compliment.

Well this is like my 3rd person to go out on date with. This guy a little more serious than the other meetups. I'm getting my feet wet and putting myself out there.

I told my S about my date and he said "then why are you dating?" and I told him to get over his dad and that I have to meet people and move on.

I am feeling a lot more confident as a divorced single woman. Acceptance of the situation is key and I've controlled my thoughts on X and his OW pretty good lately. Making peace with myself and the situation. Nothing "I" can do to the sitch.

Accept and move on. I have a great wonderful life!!

[Live4myDay]

So another kink in the story has become reality...we're looking to move by November. Brakes all on in the dating arena. He basically told me he didn't want to get hurt again...been down that road to many times.

Funny cause I feel rejected, again. I think it's more the I want something that I can't have. But, I'm ok with it. Just not sure how to end or say goodbye to a 2 week fling. or do you?

This move could put a lot of kinks into the holiday plans for the kids joining their dad in the Keys. We'll be about 2-3 hours away from the airport. I suppose he would have to swing by and drive to pick my D up. Awkward. He'll be with GF...argh! avoidance!!

That's the last thing I want is to have to be in position to meet her! Let alone deal with him with her! How do people handle this after the divorce and fallout?

[Live4myDay]

Need Advise: So my SIL is coming into town and wants to meet us for dinner. She's been communicating thru D. She's actually the one SIL I like out of 4 of them.

I haven't spoken to her since the Christmas we were separated. Told me she just wants us to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. I just wanted to rip her head off after her brainwashing from her brother, my X!

I did tell her about my thoughts that there was OW. But noooo not there little brother. I told her he was a coward for leaving marriage after D return home from hospital.

Anyway, back to the present. I hate when they communicate through D only. Makes me feel like I'm only her caretaker. She is in town for a wedding. I've always liked her and got along. But now since the D and not communicating with inlaws im all nervous and uncomfortable.

I know I'll be fine and have spent the weekend with one other SIL this past summer and things were only surface conversations. I guess it's just the judgement and scrutinizing of his family. She's said crap about me during the D. I know the sisters will want to know the scoop.

Of course I'll look my best and be my most happiest like this is the best thing that ever happened to me. Which is what they told me from the beginning...argh!! I hate that!! I don't want to come across as missing my X and I want her to get the feeling I've moved on and 180 my life!

Let it spread like wildfire since I have absolutely no contact with X. Any advice on how I should be handling this situation since I'm sure it will be talked about to my X...?

[Underdog]

Sure, I'll chime in.

There are a million reasons why I'll give this advice, but the #1 reason is that YOU can choose how to act but you can't choose what people will say behind your back. That being said...

Choose the high road. Be gracious. Say only nice things about people. That way, when you go home, you KNOW for a fact that nobody can misinterpret what you say.

Imagine yourself as Grace Kelly on the red carpet. She never dissed her producers or fellow actors.

And for God's sake, don't indulge in conversations about your XH or your divorce. Act AS IF that is no longer part of your life. You were a whole person before you met him, and you're still a whole person now.

Good luck--

Betsey