When amicable makes you want to scream

[Pudmuddle]

What I would do, Muse...

I would send him a text saying you won't be home tomorrow because 'you have things to do' but that you can leave it on the porch for him to pick up. Make him wonder!

[JayMan]

^^^what Pud said...

[Muse]

I so dislike games, I doubt it will make him wonder at all, but my judgement is apparently less than stellar right now.

I'm going to try something new and think on this overnight. I can send him something in the morning to that effect.

[Pudmuddle]

Oh, well you already had the thing to do, yoga, walk dog, it was only a suggestion on how to approach, not a game. Just to give you the confidence to pull it off for real.

hang in there muse!

[Muse]

I appreciate the very good idea, and I actually typed up the text, but then thought better of it, as it doesn't feel natural to me.

Let's see how today goes, H didn't mention a time, so I left the package by the front door and have things to do after work. I called a GF up and we are going to take our dogs out to the park and have coffee.

[labug]

If something doesn't feel authentic, don't do it. You made the right choice for you.

That being said, he doesn't need to know what you do with every minute of your life, so don't feel you need to tell him.

[Pudmuddle]

Absolutely! What labug says^^^

I'm glad you figured it out for yourself Muse.

[Muse]

H called me yesterday at noon, to see how my day was going and confirm that he would pick up the package and FINALLY drop off food for our dog. H now seems to refer to where he is staying as "Joe's House" rather then "Home" which always made me cringe.

The food was in the freezer when I got home, but only enough for 6 days, not the 3 weeks worth that I had asked for.

I am trying. No calling, texting or emailing.

My counselor says H has a "hair trigger" in that the push and pull of our relationship has him hyper-reactive. I move to him, he runs away. He moves to me, I typically push to hard too fast, he runs away.

I know I mindread a bit, but I wonder, why only enough food for 6 days? Why the call to tell me he was bringing it, when he just could have texted or emailed?

When I got up today, I didn't immediately check my phone to see if H had called or texted, I actually almost forgot it today.

It felt good to know, that I am starting to get control of my emotions.

[Underdog]

Hey Muse,

Sorry it's been awhile.. My D16 had her wisdom teeth yanked on Monday, and life has been busy with her and work. I haven't had time to think, let alone write.

Great job catching yourself. Instead of mind reading, why don't you ask why 6 days instead of 3 weeks? Warning, you may not like his answer so gird your loins. Listen and hang up. If he says anything that might make you want to react, invoke the 24 hour rule.

Good job...
Betsey

[Muse]

I think I am just "musing" about the why's. I don't think the reasons matter.

Long game, big picture.

I will not make my previous mistake again, as I suspect it cost me one of the few chances I am going to get.

I will not let the stupid little things I do to overthink and then overreact, get to me.

H is house sitting in a different town for three weeks. At least it gets him out of the clutches of former friends who haven ulterior agenda for H.

I have carpet being laid on Saturday, there is a lot of prep work to do before they get here. I am contemplating asking H to help me do the prep work. H loves being helpful, loves being the guy who solved the problem.....I haven't let him be the hero in a long time, it is one of our issues.

I have until Friday to ask, so is this a bad idea? Too soon? Will he think I am pushing?

And again, I will not repeat my mistakes!