Acceptance...

[Live4myDay]

JJ...thanks for asking. The call didn't end up taking place...it's been postponed until Monday. I thought maybe he'd send me an email and ask my opinion of things privately between us...but not sure he really cares.

Not much interaction between D and X either. He's busy with work out of town. Not the same town as OW but still away from his home base. Curious, last weekend he was back at his home and never connected with S who lives in same city.

X went to big Clam Bake in our hometown put on by Mason's which my X and my FIL are and have been going to this event for years. Funny doesn't or hasn't ever thought of bringing our S.

Then on Sunday he goes to Browns season homeopener...with his buddy. Doesn't even invite S. Now mind you my S is NOT into sports or football or competive anything...but still a way to spend time together and connect.

My S hadn't a clue and could care less...he hates seafood and football. It just made me realize what kind of father my X has been to my S all these years.

I wonder how my X handles all the questions at the clam bake about us, my D and I? Smooth I'm sure. Like it's no big deal and his life has moved on. Everyone asks about D because it was a big deal her accident. He must just let that all bounce off of him too painful.

Lately, I've been enjoying what I have and the life I'm creating. Feeling lots of gratitute and realization how life would be sooo different if he were actually in it. I can only image it as a Cinderella story now...and that will never happen.

I keep hoping that I'll hear news of OW is too controling or has issues. Hmmm. Nothing. Life must be still in honeymoon with the breaks inbetween. I did mention they are already planning Christmas in the Keys together.

I don't know what I'm going to do without kids for Holidays. Not gonna stress until the fat lady sings. Hahaha.

But honestly, this OW can't be so perfect!! She 45 and in relationship with a man that D his wife and never sees his kids. He says she is so sincere and genuine...everything I'm not. So why isn't she married and have kids and living happiliy ever after ? Why was she so available at the time of the falling apart of our marriage?

Do you think I should initiate an email regarding our D? that would be a complete 180!

[Live4myDay]

Hmmm...that last line, "Do you think I should initiate an email regarding our D?"

Everyone has told me NO CONTACT whatsoever...so I remain in the background and do not respond to the group emails from D to X and FIL regarding her future stem cell therapy plans. Afterall, I am with D 24/7 and know what's going on and I'm in the group email so I'm in the loop. Just wanted some thoughts.

Also, in reflecting to my being dark, when I was visiting home with my D there everytime my D and X were to hook up he either arrived way to early to get her or showed up when he wasn't asked and other arrangements were made for them to meet. Just wondering if there was something in there where he wanted to see me or subconsiously connect.

Maybe I'm reading way too much into that. I'm sure he was just anxious to see his D, even if I was there too.

[figgeroni]

your son is 21 and doesn't like seafood or sports so WHY would your ex invite him along?

seems to me that he was respecting your grown son's likes and dislikes instead of forcing his own on him

his relationship with his grown children is HIS...don't try to make it about you

[Live4myDay]

Thanks F - Your right about their relationship. It no longer includes me and I sometimes try to push it. I always encourage them to get together and let my S know how much his D must miss him.

My X didn't have much relationship with his father growing up either. I'm just hoping they do some family bonding. The Clam Bake has been passed down through generations and thought this would have been a good opportunity (they have steak too) since X was in town and so was S. And well the football game...its guys drinking beer and his son is now of age (which he hasn't even taken him out to celebrate that) and could have made it something to enjoy and share. Sometimes I see it as very selfish on X part not to even try to include S.

It's that expectation thing...I shouldn't expect anything from him. Even with his own children. It is hard to sit back and watch, but you reap what you sow.

[kml]

Live -
Your previous post was ALL about your ex and OW.

Seriously - you've GOT to stop giving them that much room in your head.

Let go and get on with your life! Stop worrying about what he is or isn't doing. I want to hear what exciting new steps YOU are taking to rebuild your life.

[Live4myDay]

KML - apparently it pretty much was. I guess it's just the bouncing around in my head that gets me. I'm trying to become immune to and bounce it right back off of me. Sometimes hard to do.

I have been focusing more on GAL. I've been swimming in pool doing laps and strength/conditioning to prepare myself for an upcoming Dragon Boat Fesitval. I just joined a local club and hope to be picked for the race team.

My D and I joined financial peace university classes through our church. And I'm thinking of taking a Co-Depend Group on thursday...but I don't want to keep doing things that reflect on the marriage and divorce.

I joined Meetup.com and am considering meeting a Christian Singles Group in local park for jazz nite. I'm stil a little shy about these things.

Since my D and S are going to go to Keys with X and his GF, I don't want to go back home to family...it would be too hard with out kids. I need to be doing something keeping busy and not necessarily on traditions and family.

I'm thing of an adventure trip hiking or something and am leaning more towards a mission trip somewhere. It's gonna be tough one for me...if I choose to make it tough. Emotionally I will always be heart tugged by my children and future grandkids someday and the thoughts of "family".

So there is a lot of GAL going on. But, X is still there and so is she. Drop me in a pit with snakes and I may totally freak out but they say after awhile you get used to them.

Conference phone call tonight with D, X, and FIL regarding stem cell treatment in Dominican. Possibly over holidays and dealing with X on that trip gives me anxiety. Lets just get December over with! LOL

Any suggestions are welcome...I really am working on this.

[Live4myDay]

Well had the phone call. I was silent for the most part. But I did get my 2 cents in. I wanted to sound confidant and of course smart. I told them how I check the research almost daily to keep up to date on stem cell research and trials, etc.

Apparaently they are concerned but not knowledgeable. And it was obvious that they don't have the time to research either. They both FIL and X basically agreed to D and what she wants to have done in Dec.

Left it at that. Probably won't be adressed by either of them again for a while.

Later X called D and plans were discussed regarding the Holiday trip. He doesn't have a clue regarding what her needs and care are. I'm not going to put that fear in my head. My D knows what needs done.

My S on the other hand told me he didn't realize he would be driving 8 hrs in car to Keys with the OW that he is just meeting and then to be spending a week with her. I think his anxiety just went off the scale. I do think that's a lot to ask. MHO. But then again its not about me.

I'm trying to refocus those thoughts and fears and hurts (entire families going as we've done in past...only difference. ME and OW.) Let me just feel the pain and then I can release it so when the time comes I'll be ok.

Ok. So went back on Match.com and was thinking of going out this weekend with someone I met. It would really help get my foot out the door. Still very unsure of the online dating thing...but in my situation it's at least an option.

Any suggestions or comments are always welcome...

[figgeroni]

How long have you been divorced?

I would think that since you still seem very emeshed with thoughts of x that you wouldn't be ready to date yet but that is just me

Also...

Why would daughter be getting stem cell stuff done in the Dominican and not in the USA

[Live4myDay]

I have been divorced for a little over 2 years. It's just the companionship that I miss. Someone to do things with and calls and cares about me. I need that gay guy friend to hang out with!

My D has had this procedure done earlier this year in January. It has notpassed the US requirements. We've done a lot of research. It seems you cannot take your own stem cell and mix them with other genetic factors and re-insert. However you can take your stem cells and reinject. Some debate over it since you can take an embryo and fetilize in petri dish and reinsert.

My D has had fairly decent results and would like to get another treatment.

When we went in January it was the first time I had to spend actual hours upon hours in the same room with X and FIL. Very challenging and difficult. I was quite pleasant and upon returning home my X told people that we seems to have worked things out. Hmmm...we never had a conversation. A group may have talked about the hotel or food or weather. but there wasn't really any one on one.

At one point we crossed paths in a concourse stairway he going down me going up. One of the most heartbreaking there. We just held each others glances and he looked at me like there was nothing there. Hollow.

Anyway, we may have to do this all over again before the holidays.

[Live4myDay]

No...He's just so detached from me at this point. Like I said, I added my 2 cents worth, but he's pretty much out of the loop as it is. Kinda just nodded in agreement to whatever D said. He's in a different place right now and to add the dimension of his D is probably overwhelming for him with the demands from work and his social life with OW.

I don't think there will be any future between us. I am losing hope that's for sure.

On a 2nd note...I was so worked up over this "moving on" crap. Like there's something wrong with me that I still am not emotionally stable in all this. Like I'm such a loser that I haven't moved on.

I started my match.com account again and I have been asked on a date tmrw. We texted and emailed and finally called and talked on the phone. He's never been married (kinda a relief to me). We'll see how it goes.

Part of DETACHMENT. He's not ever coming back... so now its TOTAL acceptance I guess.

How do you all handle this after the divorce? Too much has passed and I honestly don't think a friendship is even in the big picture.

I think like in the book "I Do Again" it would have to take something from God to bring him to the understanding of his true feelings. But for a guy (sorry) I think that sex is a lot louder voice in their minds.

Are any of you that are divorced "friends" with the X at this point? and I don't mean cordial or nice, I mean truly friends?