So baby steps continue with my sons as well. This weekend they spent time together building S20 computer. I called, I validated them and told them how proud I was. I got a call back (rare) so it was nice. I got some photo's of the computer put on Facebook, again nice. I mentioned I am coming down to the city next weekend for a double 50th birthday of some friends. I will be free next Sunday, but didn't mention to them it is Father's Day. I will leave that up to them, whether they wish to acknowledge or remember they can spend it with me. I also will not hold it against them, whatever the outcome. I love my boys unconditionally, just like I love the W unconditionally.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I agree with F I didn't realise that your sons weren't in touch with you, I must've missed that post. It's nice that you're building up that bond between you and your sons
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks F and TTD180. I will just add about my sons. Both are still quite happy to talk to me and do things with me, when we are in the city together (school holidays only). I am just trying to build a better bond with the sons. If I take all the W has told me about myself and the way she feels/felt, then I need to accept that the sons probably have felt similar towards me. Maybe, maybe not. But it won't hurt to improve myself for them as well. Baby steps with them, is to get them to contact me. Being young men, they wouldn't really contact parents themselves, neithe my W or I. So it is nice when they decide to ring, especially when it isn't a special occassion. At the moment contact with sons, is a phone call each week and usually a text/facebook message as well a few days in between. Both boys are not facebook people. My biggest mistake in the beginning was talking to my boys about the sitch (yes 2 x 4's), which I know now was wrong. I changed this attitude quite a few months ago, and no longer speak about anything with them towards the sitch or their Mum. Most of the talking was not about what their Mum did wrong, but like most of my conversations, what I did wrong, what can I do to fix it etc.
*******Please no feedback about my boys and what I did ********* This is over many months ago, and from memory was discussed.
As I said since then no talk about sitch. The only time I probably messed up was the tattoo picture. So I have spoken to both of them individually and explained I shouldn't have put the picture up, but the picture was not to make their Mum angry, or to let her know I have given up. But I explained calmly that the tattoo was a statement the W made, that I am choosing to make as a positive statement to myself for the future ie. to enjoy everything the first time. I also simply stated that I haven't given up their Mum. I did not ask any questions of them, just simply explained what I did and why. Later today I will be making a new page. I want to start fresh with a new positive outlook. I have felt this page/topic dealt with too much negative (tattoo picture). I am moving on, trying to be more positive, keeping my mouth shut and dealing with the issues as they come, rather than worrying about them before they arrive. The issues are: transfers (might or might not get it), solicitor (wife hasn't replied to my view of splitting assets) and divorce (I still feel that will happen on the 12 months of BD). These issues are in the back of my mind, but I am not letting them affect me each day. I will wait until they may/may not happen to then deal with them.
ps: my friend who defriended me on Facebook never replied to my birthday wishes on facebook or the text I also sent. Again I am glad this has now happened. I always wondered about whether he was playing both sides (letting everyone know my feelings etc) or even adding his own agenda. Again it shows how you should follow Sandi rules, but in saying that, he was a best friend, someone you think you could confide in.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I didn't realise that your sons weren't in touch with you, I must've missed that post. It's nice that you're building up that bond between you and your sons