Some interesting songs we all come up with, and they come up with, eh TVS...?
FY,
Quote:
Ok, serious question, T. Knowing where you guys are now, how do you view the effect of your "I'm going to start the D process" talk with W from several weeks back?
That is really tough to quantify, FY...I see some improvement in how she interacts with me, I see effort...but I could look at things such as she hasn't started an therapy, I don't see her busting butt looking for paying work (which could be either good, or bad)...nothing regarding MC yet. Her memory has always been an issue, and throw mlc memory lack on top...well...maybe she doesn't even remember often...I just don't know if there is any obvious, tangible effect attributed to my saying I will file...there could be, it's just not in my face...sorry if that doesn't make much sense...
I don't want to expect anything, nor minimize her efforts. Maybe she is slowwwwly moving one way or the other...FWIW, my gut is feeling okay, and I trust it with picking up "impending doom" for sure.
I guess that it is just a fact, an option, for me now. She asked for more time, through the summer, more or less, so I will wait until fall and re-evaluate MY observations, her efforts, and MY feelings then (and there are certain strategic considerations for waiting as well should I file).
She knows I will if I choose to, she knows me well enough.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
The other thing I have to keep in mind FY is that this weekend is the 6 months since end of PA, and the 6 months from end of last significant EA is in another 3 weeks... So she is probably just getting the affair chemicals and such down to low levels to maybe start looking at things more realistically. Maybe. And assuming she has not gone back in some way into her replay activities significantly.
Until she breaks some silence In these subjects I just don't know. My path is the same for now.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hmm... Sounding detached T. I see that as good, but I also see it as dangerous for her. She may not figure it out in time
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Glad to hear you are "keeping on" T, and not pursuing the D quite yet. I know that you'll be strong enough to file if you feel that you need to, but are equally strong enough to continue to give her time until that time. Last March, my H told me he was considering filing for D, and asked for more time like your W. He said that RT is pushing him to D me immediately and marry her, but he wanted time to decide whether it would be better for us to D, or to live together as best friends FOREVER, because what else could we expect at 60 years old (I expect a LOT more than a platonic friendship, sigh).... What a crazy nonsensical conversation, but he hasn't mentioned D since.
I agree that your W might be starting to look at things more realistically 6 months post PA and EA. Dawn Marie posted a link to a blog on male midlife crisis website on her thread yesterday. This man stated he suddenly woke up and asked himself what he was doing having an A, and stopped his replay activities overnight. But he said that it took a long time before he started to feel normal, and that after returning to his W he started cyling between depression and panic.
Maybe your poor W is just feeling post-replay depression. That would be a good thing!!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I do observe depression behaviors, Linda, and have throughout this once the initial high of "start of replay" passed.
I know that in W's case, it takes her a LONG time to get over things, a LONG time to decide anything, a LONG time to act...and a LONG time to let go of things (sometimes, if ever)... always has, and there isn't anything wrong with that. Just who she was, is.
Right now, I still have a reasonable hope that she can change, grow, lift the fog.
I still believe a new, good-to-great R is possible, if not guaranteed.
I still know she can run, it is a very real possibility.
"The path remains the same" (a small reference to Led Zeppelin, since we were on a music kick for a minute there)
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
And of course, you are right, anything can happen with them.
I feel strongly, though, that your wife is going to make it through. She is still there, not pursuing a divorce, inching ever so slowly towards you.
I do wish she would get help for her depression. I know how debilitating it can be. The thing of that is that she has to get to wanting help on her own.
I think you have a healthy attitude about all this - hoping for the best, but, knowing you will be ok either way.
You are a shining example of love, patience and compassion. An honor to "know" you.
Thank you uRw...your posts are so calming, peaceful... Sometimes I wish I got "subtle" better...probably there are things that slip under my radar (good or bad) that would give me more of an idea of what's up with W...but I miss them. But then again, watching the pot isn't very constructive either, idk.
Just doing my thing, when it's important enough it'll make itself visible to me I reckon...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
