HWA, tell me something, how is the dark since june 1 going for you? I mean your sitch is 10 months I believe. Do you still fight the urge to make contact or is it easier for you now? I'm 3 and a half months into my sitch and I am still amazed my WAW can go without talking with me. I know about all the MLC and depression info but I still am fighting feelings. I blew it last saturday by emailing my W which is the only contact we have had since this all began. No phone talks even though a few weeks ago out of the blue she emailed me a short here's my new number. What after 10 months do you think is helping you and not helping you?....
2old, the urge to contact the W is still there. She is still in my mind daily. It is getting easier to not worry so much about her each day. I suppose in a way that is becoming detached. The emotion isn't there as much. Our last contact was 4 weeks ago, where we talked for about 2 hours. Longest ever since the separation. Mostly talk about the assets etc. But I thought there was a slight change in her for the positive as I have heard through friends she is struggling emotionally now. Whether that emotion is focused on the marriage, I don't know. Three weeks ago, she texted asking me to send my reply in to the solicitor with regards to her request of the splitting of assets. In all honesty, that just simply p***sed me off. Since that time I am really making a huge effort to just move on. After 10 months what is helping or not helping? Probably the biggest help for me emotionally now, is accepting I cannot do anything about what she is doing. I have spent so much time worrying about her, what is she doing, what should I be doing, did I do right/wrong. As mentioned, 3 weeks ago, seemed to have been a big turning point. I simply get, I cannot change her mind, I do not worry now what she is doing. I do not worry about what she isn't doing. I am only worrying about what I am going to do for me. Even then worrying is probably not the best choice of words, because I am not worrying, I am thinking, planning and preparing for my future. I am focusing on my wife being in that fog, or storm in her head, and she is struggling with making any sensible choices. I will be there for her, if and when she needs me. I will no longer put my life on hold waiting for that time. As an added note: her solicitor had till Monday this week to agree to my terms of asset splitting. Since I have received no reply, the W is now liable for my sharing of bills.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
So I'm guessing what your saying is time has been your healer. 10 months is not that long but I'm guessing you feel better, stronger because of this time frame? I reached out to you as I see comparisons in the way our WAW are. There has been no OM for mine yet and I guess that could happen but D says no way. With 3 and half months behind me I still feel raw from sitch. I have read all the threads about MLC, depression, fog and confusion etc and wow it's ugly how people lose themselves and literally destroy everyone around them. I'm not saying we the LBS arent blameless but its clear to me the above ailments do take over one's soul. Anyway's thanks for your insight. Maybe at some point I will really kick myself hard in the arse and wake up. 5 days from our anniversary and that is not something I'm looking forward to. 12 years together 6 married it's just not that easy to look the other way emotionless. I really am to old for this !%$!$#..........
2old, yes time does help. Time to think about yourself and how much longer you are going to put up with this crap. I still love and care very much for my W, and probably will for a long time. But I have to draw a line somewhere that I say "enough is enough". If there is no discussion, no talking, no form of communicating and on the occasionally see each other in the street, she runs away, then what is still left? Nothing. I still cannot guarantee she isn't having an affair with the female friend. I cannot guarantee she isn't having a breakdown or MLC. I cannot guarantee anything to do with her. I can only go with what isn't happening, and at this stage, no form of communication. I can only work on me. Yes it took a long time to reach this point. Yes, I hate being at this point. But I am. I reached the crossroads a few weeks ago: go left and continue to emotional worry about what W is doing or not doing, or go right and work on me even better, stop focusing on the W, follow Sandi's tips even better and think about my future. Like you said 2old, we the LBS are not blameless, but we also have to accept the WAS is also not blameless. We made a choice to improve ourselves, did they? We could have chosen the same way to deal with the problem the WAS did. And that was to walk away. Did we? No it's not easy to look the other way emotionally, just don't let it hit you as much as it does in the beginning. You will get to the point, where you stop blaming yourself for your W's actions/lack of actions. I no longer think it is my fault the W did not apply for the transfer back home, no longer my fault our family is split up (it could have been worked on). It is not my fault the W went to the solicitor and had a letter sent to split up assets. It is not my fault the W doesn't want to communicate and see the new hotwheelsaust. She is missing out on something special, something she hadn't/hasn't seen for quite a while. Something that she enjoyed many years ago.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Welcome RockJC. You are right everyone is different. Down here (Australia) we have to be separated for 12 months before applying for a divorce, then it is over within 6 weeks or so. At this stage of my sitch I won't be the one to do that. In two months time (12 months of separation) who knows what I might be thinking then.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
