Hi Tallula... been thinking 'bout you. How are you?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I'm ok. Just been busy, kinda taking a break from the boards. I'll post an update later.
I'm doing great, though. Hope to catch up with you all too!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Good to hear you are ok, T. I look forward to your update!
((((Tallula)))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
So, life has just been ticking along. My H is still being remorseful, more helpful with the kids and I keep getting firmer in my belief that my marriage is over.
By moving further away from the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with a spouse in a affair...or in my case, as spouse that cheats with anyone...I see that an affair is a deal breaker for me. I believe that even one would be. Because regardless if my H was remoseful (which he has become. confessed EVERYTHING to me the last week and is begging me to let him come home...NOPE!), does a 180, gives me transparency, the whole nine, I will never trust him again. I will always feel the sting of that betrayal, of the abuse. And today, I feel that cheating is abuse. Plain and simple. I deserve someone who will love me completely and not abuse me. I'd rather be alone. My kids will be fine. Now I'm just working on me and continuing to be the best mom and person I can be, and to ensure that I pick a better mate next time.
We are, however, contemplating him physically moving back into the home in the basement bedroom. Financially, we can not support 2 households and I don't want to divorce and be financially ruined. We both go to IC tonight. We have spoken about the boundaries he would need to uphold. My personal plan would be to fix up the house, sell it, then we could both move to separate homes and divorce. I worry about the impact to the kids, him moving back in only to move out again, but the housing market really [censored] around us and it could be a long time before we could have the house ready to sell anyway. Otherwise, he finds a close to free place to live (um, do you know of those) or I move in with the kids to my parents.
We have a month to figure it out. I'm praying and really trying to be very mindful of our decision. I'm going to read up on everyone, hope you are all well.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
IC went well, she told me to make a list of the boundaries I need for H to move back into the house. Know my dealbreakers ie sleeps in basement bedroom, no OW while living here, phone records, no putting the moves on me, makes dinner 2 nights a week, does dishes on the nights I cook, and picks the kids up from daycare 2 nights a week.
So, I get out of my appointment and had some missed calls from my dad and aunt. Not normal. So, my 45 year old uncle has stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. Given 2 months to a year if he doesn't stop drinking. Multiple curse words. I get to McD's to get the kids from H. We were outside the car. I just let all my emotions fly. Told him off for banging anything that moves, how I angry I am that someone who was suppose to me my partner, my confidant and lover could purposely and with forethought devastate my security to my CORE! (yeah, I may have been a wee dramatic. All true, non the less, hilariously dramatic. It gets better. All in all, it reminds me of my favorite scene from Christmas vacation) How I laugh and laugh at main OW who thinks she is so amazingly wonderful that he would leave his wife and babies to be with her shiny (um, I may have used a word that rhymes with hussy) all while he is schtupping a nurse at his gma's nursing home and begging the aforementioned wife to take him back. Why in the holy heck does anyone think I can get my uncle to stop drinking and killing himself when I can't get my H to stop sticking it every warm body?! "I just want someone to come to my house, tell me I'm beautiful, that everything will be ok, fold some laundry, do the dishes, schtupp me and bring me some multiple curse words frozen yogurt and get out. Oh, and the G D garage door sensor is all messed up so I kicked it repeatedly!! It's broken. You're welcome." He looks at me H "You done?" :blink: Me "Yea" H "That was impressive!" smiling. Me "Really? Cause it felt good." H "I bet! I'm a grade A a$$clown. I've been waiting for you to do that." Me "You really are. Wow." H "I will never be able to forgive myself or make up for ever making you feel you are anything less than amazing." Me "Nope. You won't. A+ for really shredding it up good, though." laughing H "I mean, really. How in the world did I even convince myself that any of this was your fault?! I'm really one messed up dude. You are right to run in the other direction. Heck, If I could, I would. I can't belive (uncle) is dying. This [censored]." M "Yeah." I cried. He held me. I went home. Put the kids down and just sobbed all night.
When it comes down to it, I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. My cousin is 12. His dad is dying. My uncle, my friend. He is in hell. 18 years ago he, my other uncle and I were super close. We all were partiers. My uncle killed himself, we found him on my 18th birthday. Things have just never been the same. I got sober, my uncle continued to drink...be dry...drink...be dry. Today I'm sad. I'm real sad.
It's moments
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
It's moments like these that I remind myself, God is carrying me. Footprints in the sand. I'm not alone. I will never be alone. I can handle this. Feel it, and carry on!
"Well I woke up to the sound of silence And cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight And I found you with a bottle of wine Your head in the curtains And heart like the Fourth of July
You swore and said, "We are not, We are not shining stars" This I know, I never said we are
Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back
If you're lost and alone Or you're sinking like a stone Carry on May your past be the sound Of your feet upon the ground Carry on
Carry on, carry on
So I met up with some friends at the edge of the night At a bar off 75 And we talked and talked about how our parents will die, All our neighbours and wives
But I like to think I can cheat it all To make up for the times I've been cheated on And it's nice to know when I was left for dead I was found and now I don't roam these streets I am not the ghost you are to me
If you're lost and alone Or you're sinking like a stone Carry on May your past be the sound Of your feet upon the ground Carry on
Whoa My head is on fire but my legs are fine After all they are mine Lay your clothes down on the floor Close the door, hold the phone Show me how no one’s ever gonna stop us tonight
'Cause here we are We are shining stars We are invincible We are who we are On our darkest day When we’re miles away Sun will come We will find our way home
If you're lost and alone Or you're sinking like a stone Carry on May your past be the sound Of your feet upon the ground Carry on"
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I am really sorry to hear about your uncle's health. I will pray for him and your whole family.
You are dealing with so much right now, but you keep proving how strong you are in the face of adversity.
Yes - carry on...
((((((((Tallula)))))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
