5 months in

[Tessa2012]

jzoom - Thank you.

Best wishes on your sitch.

[Tessa2012]

Awesome news Tessa! Take it slow, don't go into full-blown pursuit mode or it might scare your H off. Just let him set the pace.

Thank you, AS. It's hard but I'm working on taking it slow. The other night, I wanted to start talking about ways to heal our R (one of a few topics). I stopped myself and just mentioned that I had nice time with him the past few days.

Even though I was "omg, omg, omg" in my head, I calmly said "I'd like that.

Perfect response! Just keep that kind of thing going. Show him cool detachment as this develops.

Thanks, I'm trying.

I appreciate the feedback.

[Tessa2012]

Up until today, not much has been going on.

H is a bit upset because he set his motorcycle down and broke some pieces. So, he has to spend his tax return $ on parts insead of splurging on something un-necessary.

He also mentioned that he's going to be moving back in today. He seemed a bit hesitant and I mentioned that we could only take things day by day. Happily, he agreed to that w/o a snide comment. I know that one of our big issues is the fact that we still live in his folks basement.

I have a session with my mc and so she and I can talk about the upcoming changes.

H finally wants to talk this weekend. Since he set the bike down, he really wants to start "figuring things out."

We'll see how it goes.

Take care everyone,
Tessa

[Tessa2012]

Argh!

Bit frustrated right now.

Over the weekend, I learned that H went to OW's family reunion last year. He told me because I had seen a pair of swim shorts that I didn't recognize. He said that he'd tell me about it when I was ready. I told him I was fine and to just tell me. He told me that she asked him to go and he said yes. I only asked how he was introduced and he said his name and nothing else. I said ok and dropped it. I didn't want to share what was going on in my head. That some folks in her family would automatically figure that they were together.

We've talked a little about the future but nothing specific about out R or M. I want him to open up but I know I have to wait for him to be ready.

What little we've talked about, he's added comments like: "someone that we won't name, but not who your thinking" or "don't take this the wrong way".

For example, we were talking about the cable bill and he mentioned that he did some checking around "for someone...". I told him that he didn't even need to mention "for someone..." and to just say, I did some checking around.

I just have so smh becuase I feel as if we're stagnant for most of the time but then I see the small progress.

Last night, he mentioned that he knew he shouldn't have moved back in. This was because his mom was pushing his hot buttons. It's so hard to deal with his dislike for the living arrangements with our R issues. Especially since they're intertwined.

I'm looking forward to when comments like "when I get my tax refund, I can ..." turns into "when we get our tax refund, we can ..."

Argh!
Tessa

[Tessa2012]

Hi everyone.

I'm still having some general conversations with H. He isn't quite ready to talk about us and I'm trying to be okay with it.

He mentioned that he was going to work a side job tonight for an awards show for the local newspaper. I had mentioned something about last year and he told me that he hated life so much last year that he doesn't remember much of it. As much as I wanted to say something about it, I held my tongue and just commented about how I understood.

He keeps talking about being angry and unhappy. I'm trying to be supportive but when I'm upbeat and understanding, he just gives me a look. I told him that I've been trying to let things go and not allow them to get me mad. He says that he can't do it. He's talking more but I can tell he's still holding a lot in.

We were talking while I was brushing my teeth and H mentioned "we'll probably be separated by then." It ticked me off but I kept brushing my teeth. I didn't say anything and I'm not sure if I made a face but he asked me if I was upset. I told him no because I was brushing. I'll admit I was upset for a sec or two but then I calmed down and realized it was to get a reaction out of me. I did't play along.

I know that he's got a lot to work through for himself. I just want him to be patient because our sitch isn't going to resolve itself overnight. He wants to be able to move out of folks basement next year and we're still 2 yrs from being out of debt.

I hope I can continue to have the strength to go forward.

[Tessa2012]

Hi Everyone!

One month update, there hasn't been much progress with H. He's back to texting at night (to kill his battery) and not talking about what's going on.

He's keeps telling me how much he hates his folks and living here. I just listen and tell him I understand. There's really not much that can be done since the bulk of our earnings are going towards bills. I'm getting tired of hearing him talking about hating everything and I'm trying not to let it bring me down.

The Saturday before Easter, I drove down and picked up my 15mo. old niece from my sister's house. She and her H were happy that I was willing to take her D to our parents a day early so that they could have the night off. H was upset because he didn't want me to take her. (Fear that we would get in an accident on the way and my sis would sue us.) He actually said it was the last straw. That night and into Sunday morning, he was going on about enjoying not having me in bed with him and wanting me to not come back. It put me off but I didn't fight back, I just mentioned that texting about it on Easter Sunday was neither the right time or place to be talking about it and that we'd chat when I got home. Needless to say, the talk hasn't happened.

H has been sick and so he hasn't been in a great mood. I've been letting him have his space but also asking how he slept and how his day at work went. I don't get much of an answer. It feels as if he's slipping farther back into not wanting to be together.

This past week, I've been trying to initiate intimacy but back off when he mentions not being in the mood. (Previous complaint was that I didn't initiate enough) This morning, he brushed up against me in the bathroom and I took it as a signal that he was interested. I pursued and we were intimate.

A few hours later, he mentions that he wants that to be the last time until we hash everything out. OK, fine. But how can we hash things out if he doesn't bring up the subject or avoids talking with me all together?

In other news, my GAL is going well. I've completed my first 9-week acting class and enjoyed it. The owner offered me another 9-week course for free. (She knows that I can't afford another session.) I'm so excited because I had fun and she things I'm doing well enough to pay for my next course.

That's about it.

Any advice on my sitch w/H would help.

Thanks and have a good weekend.
Tessa

[makingmagic]

WOW Tessa, I don't have much to offer other than ((hugs)).

You seem like such a nice & patient person who totally understands how to DB.

[Tessa2012]

WOW Tessa, I don't have much to offer other than ((hugs)).

You seem like such a nice & patient person who totally understands how to DB.

Thanks, I appreciate that! I'm trying my best to be patient.

[Tessa2012]

Sometimes I think he's playing games with me. This morning, H was getting frisky with me twice before I left for work this morning. I reminded him that he told me he didn't want to until we hashed everything out. Then I get the "You don't get it" with a smirk.

Argh!

[Tessa2012]

Not too much has changed. I did manage to talk with H for about 5 minutes about what's going on. (He sent me a pic of a cake that said "I want a Divorce" with rainbows.) I responded back that I wanted what he promised in January. He then told me that try isn't a promise.

I made the mistake of mentioning a comment that he had made about wanting me to move in with him if I still wanted to. He went on the defense and said he never said it and to prove it.

We spoke a bit more and he mentioned that his mind hasn't changed. That his still being in the house was his way of trying. ARGH!

He stepped into the other room for a minute and when he came back he had one thing to say. He said, "Keep in mind, actions speak louder than words." I told him that I understood and that was the end of the conversation.

Not sure if its a major step backwards or not.