Thank you everyone! You have no idea what it means to me to come on here and see the posts of support.
Well, the baby shower was tough. Not going to lie. Everyone rubbing my belly congratulating me. "a third?!? I thought you guys were done?" "wait, you're pregnant? 21 weeks? How did none of us know?" oh, yea, my husband is banging 2 other woman, so we haven't formally announced it... It's a group of my moms friends that throw showers for all their kids. I held it together, but when my mom and I got in the car to leave I just started sobbing. I told her I was done. That I'm going to see a lawyer this week. We both cried. I haven't told her its been a serial thing. I may never. But she supports me. Totally. Said not to worry about any money, we could all live with them.
Did egg dying with the kids, they had a blast!!! H sensed something in me, I had texted that the shower unexpectedly upset me, so I was composing myself and would be a bit later than I thought. After I got there he asked what happened. I just said it was such a happy time for our friends, and it made me sad that ours wasn't. I started to cry. He came over to comfort me saying "what can I do..." I just turned and said "there is nothing to do. It is what it is. You can't make this better".
I'm not sad right now that my M is over. Its the first time I can remember not remotely wanting this man to touch me. As I was washing my face for bed, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. "good night, babe. I love you." I knew. I can do this. I don't feel comfort from him. He is no longer safe. I'm letting him go. At least in that moment.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Hope everyone had a great Easter! My kids were stuffed full of candy, that's for sure.
So, while getting ready for church, H walked in my bathroom and asked what was up. With tears in my eyes I told him that I feel done. He got really upset. Like sad upset. He said that he could feel that from me, that he has watched me pull away, but since saturday morning felt scared that I was done. I had already made a decision not to tell him what I know until I speak to my IC. I also wasn't going to tell him that I am ready to divorce, but this conversation felt right. I said that I will not be able to have him live with us after his lease is up and when the baby gets here. That living with someone I love who is sleeping with another woman is too painful and I need to move on.
Then I told him that I'm now talking to my best friend, not my husband. I told him that I am very worried about him. I've seen a huge change in him. That our children deserve a happy father, not a miserable or dead one. I told him I think he that he should be alone. Not with me or OW and that I don't think she is the only OW and that you will do the same things to her. That this R is going to be a big challenge. It's gotten around to our friends & family. People don't accept their R. They are angry. That I don't want to be in the same room as her, much less have her within 100 feet of my children. Obviously I will do what is best for my children, but this will be a huge challenge for me. I told him no more family time for now, I need space. I need time.
I discussed our next step of fixing up the house and looking into selling it. We can't afford 2 places, so he needs to really look at where he will live. If it's a roomate situation, we can do where I stay with my parents when he has the kids.
I feel tremendous relief in the conversation. But...H somehow has taken this as he now might be ready to end it with OW and commit to us. I just let that go, didn't respond. I get it. When he told me he wanted to D, I couldn't accept it. So, I didn't feel the need to push. I see IC tonight and will discuss with her how to proceed. If I tell him I know what is really going on, and that I'm done. I might do it in a counciling appointment.
I will say, I am laughing at OW. She is getting played to the nines!! Oh, yes, you are so fabulous. He is leaving me for you... There is also a part of me that feels sorry for her. But, she started this knowing what kind of man he was. I started it thinking he was a faithful person. Good luck, honey.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Sorry that you had to start your day on such a sad note. I hope you feel some kind of relief after that talk. I think it is smart of you to talk first with your IC before defining your next steps.
Remember - it's better to calm down before making any major decisions. You want to make sure they come from the right motivations.
It sounds your kids had a good Easter. That is always good to hear.
((((Talulla)))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Sorry that you had to start your day on such a sad note. I hope you feel some kind of relief after that talk. I think it is smart of you to talk first with your IC before defining your next steps.
Remember - it's better to calm down before making any major decisions. You want to make sure they come from the right motivations.
It sounds your kids had a good Easter. That is always good to hear.
((((Talulla)))))
Thanks, Keeping. It is insane that when he said he was the closest he has been to really cutting off OW that I did think "wait, can we fix this..." Yeah, then I read the texts and remember this isn't about her or me. There is another OW currently. He will never stop cheating. I flat out said I thought there was another person besides OW, and he denied it. It will never end.
Then I beat myself up for even thinking it. So, that's why no more family time. That's why, he is like my cryptonite. After the conversion he mentioned already having bought me a birthday present. I thought, well, that was nice. Sigh. This is going to take some time to really sink in that he is absolutely no good for me. He even texted me first thing this morning wishing me a blessed day. Yeah. Whatever.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I agree with keep_going, examine your motivations and make sure you're not reacting to the hurt. But it sounds like you can be really proud of yourself and your inner strength. Space could be a good thing for awhile. And the playing pretend family is a killer. Take care of yourself and baby!
You are so brave and strong. I think it is good to get some space and time and let your emotions settle. You have been exposed to a lot of emotional information as of late, you are taking care of very young children and pregnant. Let yourself settle and and focus what is really important now which is YOU and your well-being physically and emotionally. Leave H to be for now. He has to work out this sh!tstorm...not you. You need to heal YOU.
Thinking of you and love you.
Busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I agree with keep_going, examine your motivations and make sure you're not reacting to the hurt. But it sounds like you can be really proud of yourself and your inner strength. Space could be a good thing for awhile. And the playing pretend family is a killer. Take care of yourself and baby!
Do you both mean that I might be jumping too quickly to divorce?
I just see no other alternative. This man is currently sleeping with 3 woman, claiming he is in love with 2 of us. I don't see him stopping, I just don't. He admitted to 6 PAs in the first 4 years of M and claims he didn't after we had kids, but why should I believe him? When I asked him about the nurse before, he said it was nothing. Not even a friendship really. I flat out asked him, not even in an accusitory way, if he was sleeping with someone besides OW. Nope.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I am not one to frivolously advocate divorce. In fact, I really only think it is proper in cases of physical violence or serial unfaithfulness. But, your husband seems to be serially unfaithful... If my W had multiple PAs, I don't think I could move past that.
I agree with keep_going, examine your motivations and make sure you're not reacting to the hurt. But it sounds like you can be really proud of yourself and your inner strength. Space could be a good thing for awhile. And the playing pretend family is a killer. Take care of yourself and baby!
Do you both mean that I might be jumping too quickly to divorce?
I just see no other alternative. This man is currently sleeping with 3 woman, claiming he is in love with 2 of us. I don't see him stopping, I just don't. He admitted to 6 PAs in the first 4 years of M and claims he didn't after we had kids, but why should I believe him? When I asked him about the nurse before, he said it was nothing. Not even a friendship really. I flat out asked him, not even in an accusitory way, if he was sleeping with someone besides OW. Nope.
You are so strong! I really admire you, honestly! All I can say is don't make decisions when your emotions are running you (advice I have been given so much on here), God knows I have have and well... Your in my thoughts.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
