You need to work through all of your feelings, and with a counselor you'll have good guidance on which ones to act on and which not to. You won't accomplish much just warning the few you know of who are in play at this time - there will be more to come until he decides to change.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
You are all right. I have no intention of doing anything rash. Thank god for DB, because it's almost instinctive for me to give take info now and absorb, not react.
I called my best friend this morning. She pretty much nailed it on the head. Also, i had posted in my last thread yesterday how i am sure that OW has helped me not fully process his compulsive chrating. But she eas like, This is so unbelievable. You just can't fathom that this is really happening. That he is actively pursuing 3 woman. So, here I sit.
D2 is a mess. She has been for awhile, but H hasn't really seen it. So this morning she was sobbing for me and he just kept saying "she is sick." I went to comfort her & he said that I should probably just let her cry. I told him I had been reading up on kids dealing with divorce and they just need extra comfort. He goes "we aren't going through a divorce!" I said, "you don't live here anymore. That effects our children. Same literature will help.". In my head I thought, yeah you are. You just don't know it yet.
I am bracing myself for some ugly. I really don't believe he ever thinks I'll leave. And today, I know I will never stay. I want to continue to walk through this as friendly & civilly as I can. I just got off the phone with my moms friend who is a real estate agent. She is coming by next week to see what we will need to do to get the house ready to sell. And what's better, she is waving her fees. Her H was a serial cheater too.
Putting one foot infront of the other. Here I go!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
((((((((((((Tallula))))))))))))))))), it sounds like addiction and as with most addiction, the denial aspect is strong about the impact on you and your children. i am glad your family is ready to help out when the baby comes.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I came to offer my support - I am so sorry you find yourself in this aweful situation. I have not posted much, but know that I always follow your situation and read all your posts.
I just want to remind you of how strong you are and how far along you have come. Just letting all this crappy stuff sink in, settle down and really think about what you will do is solid proof of your amazing changes.
In a way, this latest development will give you the certainty of your next steps. You can now focus 100% on what's most important right now without the distractions of the ambiguity with your H. You can drop the rope for now, let him deal with his life drama on his own, maintain your boundaries and focus on you.
Your baby will be here shortly, so get any pending things prepared for him. Figure out your support group and daily routine with your family. I would also suggest to really think carefully about the role you want your H to play in all of this - birth, first few days, first few weeks, etc. Once you figure out what YOU need, you can have a talk with him and set clear custody/visitation arrangements for the kids and the baby. If you need time away from him, enlist the help of your relatives to do the kid exchange - nothing wrong with that.
I am so sorry about your financial situation too - I am in a very, very similar boat - separation and divorce usually wrecks havoc on the family finances, but for some of us, it can simply be a disaster. I have been slowly making decisions and sacrifices that while painful, have been necessary to stay afloat. I know you will do whatever it takes to take care of your family financially - you are that strong. I am glad you are talking to an agent now. Find out what's needed and what you could expect out of the sale. While the timing for it is bad, you will be able to make plans if indeed you decide to sell your home.
Our situations are eerily similar in many ways - T. I just want to tell you that no matter how bleak it looks right now, everything will work out. The most important thing is to fight our tendency to focus on Hs, try to please others and stay focused on us and our kids. I also find that my ability to accept and ASK for others' help has been huge for me to survive what is probably the most challenging time of my life. That has not been easy for me, but I know I would have not made it alone.
Finally, try to not let all of this gunk and your H's actions ruin what is one of the most joyous experiences of your life. I am not going to tell you that it won't be bittersweet, but you are still a blessed woman and you and your kids deserve to experience a wonderful time welcoming your baby boy. For me, doing it without my H was probably the hardest, most painful part of all of this, but I made it and almost two years later, I can tell you, that my H is the one who missed out.
YOU CAN DO THIS. Don't forget that.
(((((((Tallula))))))))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Tallula, you're so brave! I'm so sorry for your discovery and implications. I have a friend that was married to a sex addict and the situation is tragic. Take care of yourself and your kids and be strong for them.
T - just back on here and read up on the latest developments. So sorry to hear things have progressed the way they did. You and your family will be in my prayers.
You are strong and will make it thru this. There's nothing you can do to help H - he's made his choices and until he realizes how messed up he is, there's really nothing anyone can do...
Tallula, I just caught up with your news. Sorry aboutbthe turn of events. Your husband is being selfish right now and the only thing I can offer is moral suuport.
Dont let him ruin one of the most beautiful and sacred momemt in any persons life... the birth of your baby! It us his loss and one day he will regret this...guatanteed.
Please take care of yourself and your unborn. Tgis is too much stress and trauma on your baby and it really is time to sit back and relax and be pampered. Focus on yourself T!
We all know how strong you are. You got this!
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
