Yes Arsne thanks for your support on my sitch....I have times when I feel like I am detached and I feel good and see light at the end of the tunnel and then the wave comes crashing in on me....but I know I have to keep getting up on that board and surfing those waves! It is the only way out....when I am down I realize that I am not GALing!!! as much as I should be....take care of yourself....
Ok. So I m doing this distance thing to help me feel better yet, after a week of it, I still feel like crap, and now to top it off my w and I don t talk anymore. This doesn t look like progress to me. In fact I feel like I ve taken a huge step back. Whatever happened to doing what works? Sorry! I m just venting my frustrations,
I can empathize with your pain, Arsene, but I would submit to you that -- based on your last couple o' dozen posts -- what you've been doing is NOT working.
Detaching WILL feel counterintuitive! Hell, 90% of DBins is counterintuitive. If what felt right in all of our guts was the way to go, none of us would have ever landed on this sad little DB beach to begin with.
You are using your wife and even your young daughter to soothe yourself. Until you learn to self-soothe, and find the will and the strength to DETACH on a consistent basis, I'm afraid you will be forever stuck in this same place. You are leading with your EMOTIONS, and that isn't a recipe for DB success in my experience.
Starsky
Yup. The hardest thing in the world to do, but it must be done... eventually.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Ok. So I m doing this distance thing to help me feel better yet, after a week of it, I still feel like crap, and now to top it off my w and I don t talk anymore. This doesn t look like progress to me. In fact I feel like I ve taken a huge step back. Whatever happened to doing what works? Sorry! I m just venting my frustrations,
I can empathize with your pain, Arsene, but I would submit to you that -- based on your last couple o' dozen posts -- what you've been doing is NOT working.
Detaching WILL feel counterintuitive! Hell, 90% of DBins is counterintuitive. If what felt right in all of our guts was the way to go, none of us would have ever landed on this sad little DB beach to begin with.
You are using your wife and even your young daughter to soothe yourself. Until you learn to self-soothe, and find the will and the strength to DETACH on a consistent basis, I'm afraid you will be forever stuck in this same place. You are leading with your EMOTIONS, and that isn't a recipe for DB success in my experience.
Starsky
YES^^^^^ so GAL and keep on meeting NEW people....
as for the detaching "not working", um, you've also done the Detaching for...a ....week.....
Come on Arsene...get real. You've heard AND SAID this 10 times... this is a marathon, not a sprint.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Arsene, we all know how hard emotionally detaching is, and it takes time. A long time. I'm not there yet, and don't know when I'll be there. GALing, praying, and meeting new people help cope, but the feelings are still there. So be kind to yourself, and very patient.
Arsene, we all know how hard emotionally detaching is, and it takes time. A long time. I'm not there yet, and don't know when I'll be there. GALing, praying, and meeting new people help cope, but the feelings are still there. So be kind to yourself, and very patient.
GAL is the hardest part to me in my sitch, so I concur with everybody on here. I do know that not hearing from W is both hard and easier at that the same time. I know that contradicts each other. Everytime I hear from her, my mind starts to float, and I set myself up for heartbreak.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Arsene, you can do this. Give in to it. Give in to yourself. Let yourself be your own benchmark of comparison and for growth.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
GAL is the hardest part to me in my sitch, so I concur with everybody on here. I do know that not hearing from W is both hard and easier at that the same time. I know that contradicts each other. Everytime I hear from her, my mind starts to float, and I set myself up for heartbreak.
Agree. It is so hard, but you are amazing Arsene. And about D8? Everyone is right-sometimes it is just kid behaviour. I have a does everything, please everyone D. When they get into temper mode, we do try to mind read. It never worked with our spouses, so let's not start w/ kids...
I like the alien comparison...that would make a lot of sense in a lot of our sitches
You guys are amazing. Thanks so much for your support and your faith in me. I m going through some changes at the moment. Not sure what to make of the way I feel. I think I need to take some time away from this forum for a bit. It s been stopping me from focusing on gal. I ve become addicted to coming here and reading sitches and postings, which ultimately keeps my mind on my sitch. I ll still check in occasionally though. Thanks.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Take care of yourself Arsene. We'll be here when you get back. (((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
