On 10/10/10

[NotSureWhatToDo]

no, you don't

[Albuquerque]

Tad,

I think what stands out to me is your statement "I want my life back"

There is no question as to whether or not that will happen. It WILL NOT. I'm not saying things won't drastically change and she won't come running back. I'm saying that even if she did, THINGS HAVE CHANGED. YOU have changed. SHE has changed. The ONLY thing you know for sure is that whatever your future holds, it will be different than the past. To hold onto hope that that's NOT the case is making you stuck. If you want an idea of what it's like to be fortunate enough to have your spouse come back, look at my case.

First of all, they never come running back. They peek out, drag their feet, run away a lot etc. It's not fun. But even having my H back, the R is totally different. This is a new R. He's still battling depression, the OW lives nearby and still ends up popping into the picture every few months for various reasons meaning *I* have to be strong enough to believe that I can trust my H. But the biggest thing is that *I* continue to live on, much like I did when he wasn't around. My H still has very very bad days. Yesterday, he slept in late, didn't say much when he arose. Complained of not feeling well. Then took another nap. Then awoke and took a long shower in the dark (something he does when he's battling anxiety). Then took a long car drive (to calm down). Then came home and went back to bed. We had an event planned in the evening. To be polite, I woke him to tell him I was leaving and he said OK. I never asked if he was coming. I left it up to him to either get up or not. And I never got upset that our plans were changing due to him being in the fetal position all day. I got plenty of my stuff done during the day and enjoyed my evening without him. This is totally NOT what my life was life before the bomb. And to be fair, yesterday was a very bad day. We have many more good days than bad.

To make a long rambling story short. As you KNOW, you are still stuck. Your actions are NOT something that would be attractive to an MLCer. You are NOT moving forward. You are not leaving her behind. You're still essentially still pacing around hoping she throws you a bone. Take a minute and read what my H wrote to a friend of his in my thread. It'll give you some insight into the mind of an MLCer. They do NOT want a puppy waiting for them. Puppies are whiny, annoying and poop a lot. They want the lone wolf who can be perfectly content moving on WITHOUT them but also perfectly happy being part of a pack.

[ericmsant2]

Tad

I am not happy (or as happy as I could be) right now.

Maybe because you are NOT doing all of the things that you listed below.

01 My sons
02 Gardening
03 Astronomy
04 Bowling
05 Watching football
06 Writing
07 The Ocean (Don't ask why I live in Arizona)
08 Fishing
09 The mountains
10 Rain

Told you it was cheesy

Tad….First I don’t think they are cheesy at all. Second, I hope and pray that there comes a time when you really would not give a hoot if I think they are cheesy or not…because they make YOU happy.

So, are you gardening more? Are you planning fishing trips? Do you take hikes in the mountains? Do you read up on Astronomy? Do you follow horoscopes? What are you doing to try and do these things that YOU determined make you happy. Oh…and if you tell me funds are tight…here are a couple of suggestions. Go to a local river, stream or pond…and go fishing. Hikes tend to be free. Google Hicking in Arizona and see what comes up. Bowling cost money but a lot of times I see Groupon or living social deals. If need be, take 5 bucks a week and put it away so that maybe once a month or once every other month you can go bowling.

I figure I've got 8-9 months and the clock is ticking

8 or 9 months of waiting and hoping OR

8 or 9 months living and hoping for the best?

There is a difference.


Alb – [b]NICE to SEE YOU[/b}

I think what stands out to me is your statement "I want my life back"

I saw the same thing!

Tad, please read Alb’s post several times. I am not telling you to NOT wait for her, to not stand or whatever you want to call it…I am suggesting that you stop and finally focus on YOUR happiness. If you have read any of the DB books….they talk about “doing what works”…”about becoming an attractive option”…”about not going down cheesless tunnels”…..

Focus on your happiness Tad for YOU finally. YOU have given her everything you had…now give YOURSELF something….Happiness Tad…Cause she just may wake up and realize what she is missing.

Eric

[MissAgnes]

Tad,

All those items you listed are nouns. It might help you to ATTACH a verb to each item and make a project. Here are 9 for your 9 months. Plant a garden, visit a planetarium, hike up a mountain, draft an article, take your sons to a bowling alley, swim in the ocean, buy tickets to a football game, go fishing, sing in the rain.

Start with one item a month with the steps Eric gave you.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Albuquerque, Eric and Miss.

Alb, it was nice to hear from you again. As you can see, I am still stuck to an extent. I'm moving as fast as I can I guess.

Eric and Miss, I plan to start doing some of them soon. It is a little difficult though without a car.

I flew to Portland over the weekend to visit a friend. When XW found out, she insisted to S17 that I actually went to Denver. WTF? Why does she care? I don't know ANYONE in Denver.

I was kind of down this evening and decided to come here.....

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Hi all. Today is my birthday and I'm a little down, but I do plan to have a good day. It was two years ago (yes, on my birthday) thst I found out that W was still talking to OM. It was the first year that she didn't wish me a happy birthday.

I plan to have a good day though. S17's birthday is Sunday. his GF is coming over tonight to make a double birthday dinner.

There really isn't much more to report on my end.

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Oops....I meant S19.

[job]

Happy Birthday! I hope that you have a great day and can enjoy the time you spend w/your son and his GF.

[uRworthy]

Happy Birthday, T.

I think today should be the day that you start to change your mindset. And set about trying to change the memory associated with it.

I am sure that you have birthdays that you can remember with fondness. And each year can be a new beginning.

It is all in how we choose to look at it.

So try to look at it differently, T.

You get to spend a lovely dinner with your children. You get to make a wish and eat cake. You get to think about what you want the next year to look like.

It's all in the mindset. Change yours. Starting today.

Have a great day!

[seeking answers]

Happy Birthday, Tad!