Another stander......I really like that comment and it makes a lot of sense. They already had a break-up over the weekend because she found out that I was intimate with him over the weekend. He being the initiator. But they're "talking" again. Wonder what crap he's telling her. But I'm going to step back again and let it run its course. Good idea.
Everyday I say God, give me strength!
M-59 H-58 2 S, 1 D 2 Gr. Ch. T 20 YRS M 17 YRS ILYBINILWY 4/21/12 Caught H and OW 5/25/12 H Left 6/5/12
"Do not regret growing older...It is a privilege denied to many."
I am in the same boat!! It has been 6 months since I found out about OW but H and I have been off and on since until Aug when he moved out. I have 2 Ds and a baby on the way and he just left. I am having an awful time at nights and on weekends. I am thinking the same things as you, what is he doing and WHY is he doing this to our family. This past 2 weeks have been the absolute hardest, as we have had no contact and he has not tried at all to even ask how Im feeling considering Im pregnant. He really has lost his mind. He doesnt care about what stress he has put me in and my kids in. He has never been this selfish in the 20 years I have known him and I cannot seem to get over it. I was on an anti depressant, but had to come off due to pregnancy, so I am having to do this without anything to help me. I am so lonely, even though I have my girls, they are so busy with their friends now. They have taken this way better than I , but they still get to see him (when he feels like seeing them) and they get to talk to him too! I am trying so hard to do for ME and detach, but its been the hardest thing ever! I do agree that this is harder than a death...I would love to chat with you, seems we are feeling the same way...
Sweetbriar goldfish5856@gmail.com
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
Oh Sweet.......I truly feel your pain. Thing is my kids are grown and they don't have to see me when I'm falling apart at home. You on the other hand have to be strong for your children and the wonderful baby you will give birth to. Yes it's hard and hurtful, but I'm getting somewhat to that point where I'm appreciating the blessings in my life. You need to also work on loving and caring for the most important people in your life. Maybe you should make an appointment also with one of the DB coaches. My appt. is in 2 days and I'm hoping that it will help to turn all things around.
And you feel free to write me about things. I'm nit the expert at this; well not yet, but I have an open mind and open heart. I will pray for your strength too.
M-59 H-58 2 S, 1 D 2 Gr. Ch. T 20 YRS M 17 YRS ILYBINILWY 4/21/12 Caught H and OW 5/25/12 H Left 6/5/12
"Do not regret growing older...It is a privilege denied to many."
Hi Snookee, I can relate too. I keep thinking that me and H have a long history and we loved each other so much, him and OW just have like...1 year history...(it's so long to me already actually) that I hope he will come to his sense....But I don't know, they happened during our roughest year, so.... I tried a few things and didn't get much result...I can only only work on myself now, I feel sad about it....but it's a good thing to me after all i guess. I'm still searching for ways to make myself better. Keep updating!
I am trying to hard to be strong for my kids. They are my blessings and everytime I think he is out having a blast, I think that he doesnt have our kids, our home and the happy memories surrounding him. Although having this is hard for me some days, at least I have it:) I made the mistake of talking R with him today and it was more of the same stuff...that we don't make each other happy and that we are opposites...blah blah blah.. Dont even know why I attempt to be nice...I had gone 3 weeks with no contact and I should have kept it that way...it was just kid conversations and about refinancing our house that got the talk started....and it ended up to relationship talk....uggg...
How was your DB coach appt? Was it worth it? Problem with me is that hubby gives me little money, so I cannot afford to call:( I have to use any penny I have on my kids and I for our needs. I went from living a very comfy life to feeling broke all the time. But that is nothing compared to the broke my heart feels everyday...
I hope you are doing okay...fill me in...
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
Hi Sweet. Hope it's been an up week for you. Yes, I know very well about $$ problems and when H leaves, it leaves us with the kids and not a lot of resources. You'll do fine in time.
My DB coach session went well but it's a lot of what is in the books and its a bit more tailored because its one-on-one. I came into a few extra bucks recently so I put it into a few coaching sessions. I've read on these boards that the books are available at the library. Amazon may have used copies which is another option.
Believe it or not I had a little contact with H today which was better than the contact we've had the last 3 weeks. I've been leaving him alone and definitely have no intention of talking or emailing the OW about anything. When I told her in a fit of anger that her BF was having intimate relations with his W, that flipped everybody out. The biggest mistake I made in the 6 months that this nightmare has been! But you live and learn, right? So in the last 3 weeks I laid low and I did tell him that I would never betray him like that again, hoping that he'll be able to at least trust me again. Listen.....so HE can trust me! Sounds funny but if I want to work at our marriage I will have to accept his betrayal and apology.
And Nina, I feel for you too. A whole year living this bad dream that doesn't end. I guess we all have to keep DB'ing and work on ourselves and GAL. I hope that we all could soon look back at this time as a big bump in the road but that it'll teach us how to be better H's and W's. Hugs to you all!!!!
M-59 H-58 2 S, 1 D 2 Gr. Ch. T 20 YRS M 17 YRS ILYBINILWY 4/21/12 Caught H and OW 5/25/12 H Left 6/5/12
"Do not regret growing older...It is a privilege denied to many."
Thank you Snookee, I'm glad to hear that your contact with H went better. I agree, we make mistakes and learn, well, that's the best we can do anyway. I made two big mistakes during my not so long DB time...although, I regret them, I realized that I couldn't change them and I have to live with it and learn from it, it is hard! But I can feel that I will do better next time....I have no contact with my H right now... So, I don't know when my next time will be yet, but I hope I will be ready to not make mistakes again....I'm looking forward to it, and I so miss him (sigh...)
Hugs to you too, and I hope we will all be better H's and W's too
Ok, so here's what the mood was the last few days: crap! I'm angry at them both one minute and then I'm sad sad again. It's the weekends, I know it. I miss those nice days and getting in the car for a ride to a destination or to nowhere. So what did I do? I got in the car and drove. Started feeling just ok and then it hits me again. The why and the how could he and all those sad feelings. I try to listen only to happy music and that helps sometimes. So it carried over to today when I went to work. I pray and ask for strength and that's all I can do. Then I try to read. I'm hoping that something will change sooner than later. It's very disturbing because I want to see a change now. Oh my..... I know; patience. It's good to vent too.
M-59 H-58 2 S, 1 D 2 Gr. Ch. T 20 YRS M 17 YRS ILYBINILWY 4/21/12 Caught H and OW 5/25/12 H Left 6/5/12
"Do not regret growing older...It is a privilege denied to many."
Hi Snookee. I'm barely catching up on your thread. I totally empathize with you. Over a year later and my H is still with OW. Many people would tell me that he would drop her after a few mos. Well he hasn't. Their R isn't what it was in the beginning but it's still going on.
My advice to you is to do what's best for snookee. Spoil yourself. You need to feel loved and the only one who can do that now is YOU! It took me over a year to realize HOW I needed to detach and as I'm doing it I feel so much better.
I hope the best for you. Keep posting. Don't let too much time go by to post. Many of us here will be by your side on this journey.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
