I think W is getting closer and closer to that "done" point. Little things she was still doing are slowly.being eliminated and coldness is taking its place.
I have come to grips with the fact that she might just have to try and complete her mission, but today hurts.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Last night W and I had a good dinner then watched some shows. She sat with her arms crossed all night long.
Got a question, MC asked us to do a "weekly checkup" talk with each other. Since then we have done it once with just so so results. Next MC session is 22nd. Should I try and have some discussions with W as directed by MC before next session?
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Also W's bday is in two weeks. I have a non romantic gift that I know she will use that I am buying for her. I am debating on whether to get her a card or not and if I do I know I will not get a romantic one, I might just make one. I am working out tonight. Gonna be a tough one but I am getting in the best shape of my life.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Also W's bday is in two weeks. I have a non romantic gift that I know she will use that I am buying for her. I am debating on whether to get her a card or not and if I do I know I will not get a romantic one, I might just make one. I am working out tonight. Gonna be a tough one but I am getting in the best shape of my life.
Don't know about bringing up the MC homework. Wait til later for sure. You have almost 3 weeks, right? Why so infrequent?
I wish you'd either go to Retrovaille and get it started in one weekend so you can jumpstart this marriage -
or go to Essential Experience on your own, on the east coast (don't know where you live though but check out their website).
Since Individuals can do it, you don't need her to come or agree. It's very clarifying and strengthening and a lot of DBers have found it VERY helpful.
it's not just for marriage r's though, but for your whole life. Like taking a scenic overlook to decide where you are and where you really want to go.
I thought it was the single most profound workshop experience of my life. H went to it after I did, solely b/c he saw changes in me. He's not the type to do something like that without knowing it works.
As for the birthday card, you can thank her for being in your life, like a CLOSE friend...or someone who might be moving away.
It's "real" but it's not pursuit. Express no regrets or sadness.
But Show that you are in a good place. (SHE can contrast that card with previous year's if she wants...when she's not with you and has time to think clearly).
Try hard to NOT be in a state of fear.
The more you let fear dictate your emotions, the more you'll radiate that.
You will be alright after all is said and done b/c you are working on YOU.
She may have a rude awakening down the road but you have already had yours. Honestly, if you become the man you were meant to become,
your next r, with or without h, will be a lot more rewarding and SOLID than this one has been.
Do you see that it IS possible for you to be happy without her?
Can you envision what that life, "happy, but without her", looks like?
Be detailed & specific in your imagination...
what are you doing in your new life, who are you hanging with, what job do you have, where do you live, what new hobbies or passions are you pursuing...
So, which of those^^ things, can you create in your life, NOW?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I think the next retrouville is in the spring. I will try and find a way to get her to go willingly. I would love to do it in a way which she thinks it's just as much her idea as mine.
And yes I do see myself able to be happy without her. It has been over the past 2 weeks that it has dawned more on me.
I don't like the idea but I know I would be okay. Might take me a few months to pull myself together but I have a lot to keep me busy.
As far as our MC sessions. They have been every 7-10 days but this time we were on vaca and MC was as well the next week so it's a little further apart. What I would really like to do would be to go to a 4 day couples intensive weekend like retrouville or maybe even one.on.one.
Tired of this dragging already. But still patient and have my eye on.the prize...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I think W is getting closer and closer to that "done" point. Little things she was still doing are slowly.being eliminated and coldness is taking its place.
Sounds very similar to my sitch. After BD W was still showing some warmth towards me but as time went on she just kept getting colder and colder. I think it's their way of preparing themselves for the S. We went to MC, but she latched onto anything to justify her leaving and ignored the other 95% that would have contributed to saving the M. She said over and over again that she was done. Loved me, respected me, enjoyed my company, even still enjoyed sex, but no hope for the M.
Originally Posted By: Just A Guy
Got a question, MC asked us to do a "weekly checkup" talk with each other. Since then we have done it once with just so so results. Next MC session is 22nd. Should I try and have some discussions with W as directed by MC before next session?
In my sitch we were advised the same by MC and it absolutely did not help. It may have hurt. It's the opposite of DB.
Originally Posted By: Just A Guy
Also W's bday is in two weeks. I have a non romantic gift that I know she will use that I am buying for her. I am debating on whether to get her a card or not and if I do I know I will not get a romantic one, I might just make one.
My W's birthday was just before she moved out and I was torn on what to do. In the end I gave her a nice bday with several gifts, cake, dinner, etc. because it just seemed like the right thing to do. I don't regret it. I did make a point to get a friendly, non-romantic card though.
Quote:
I am working out tonight. Gonna be a tough one but I am getting in the best shape of my life.
I started hitting the weights hard right after BD. I'm impressed with the mass and definition I've put on in 3+ months, just goes to show that you're never too old for it
W initiated contact again today. Gonna pick the dogs up and go for a trail run with them. They are such great therapy and I am so lucky to have them in our lives during this sitch.
Upcoming things I am going to be going out of town, looking into essential experience, working out more, visiting with friends and really delving into this startup biz. We already have almost $50K in purchasing agreements. If it gets much bigger it.could become full time.
Lots to do.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Watching the sun rise over the lake we live on.... So peaceful, lucky to have my health and my best friend in the house even though she is not there as my wife she still is a great friend.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
