Yes, the girls were too much too fast. If she was feeling comfortable with engaging them, she would have asked to see them. It's alright, you wouldn't necessarily have known. You responded well by not putting her on the defensive for her feelings.
One consistent theme here is, "Do what works, don't do what doesn't work." It's a learning process; you aren't going to know all of that upfront.
Was wanting to send good morning text to W but decided to come here instead. Yesterday was pretty quiet. She sent a "morning!" text and that was last communication. Definetly trying to figure out how much space to give her. I have told myself that i am not going to initiate contact going forward. At least until things get a better.
On the bright side she has nit brought up her filing for divorce since we spend that night together. I am a bit mixed up inside. She has told me several times that she wants to end things but i keep trying. She starts to come around and the she is gone again. In the last letter she said tried to find those feelings for me again because she knows how much pain i am in and she wants to take it away but inside she realizes that this is not what she needs for herself.
Simetimes i feel like i should just let her go and be done but then i think about how good it feels to be with her and how i want that feeling back. Just want to do right by her too. Maybe my life, my situation is not right for her and i should show her how much i love her by letting her go.
Ok comments / 2x4s?
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Sometimes i feel like i should just let her go and be done but then i think about how good it feels to be with her and how i want that feeling back. Just want to do right by her too. Maybe my life, my situation is not right for her and i should show her how much i love her by letting her go.
Ok comments / 2x4s?
I have felt this quite often as well mate. What if our standing for our M, which often feels like the only right thing to do, is just a selfish act which undermines their wishes. I often think that what I'm doing now, considering the pain I'm going through to save my family and my M, is the most selfless act I could ever imagine but what if they are better off without us? What if it really is the best course of action for them? Wouldn't we just be selfish bas&%$rds trying to control them again?
I don't know mate but the one thing I do know right now is that I feel like I am sane and clear-headed and she isn't right now so if I'm going to bet on someone, it'll be on myself. I know for a fact that I'll never regret what I'm doing now but I don't think my W could say that with confidence right now. I'm staying the course.
What about you?
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Sometimes i feel like i should just let her go and be done but then i think about how good it feels to be with her and how i want that feeling back. Just want to do right by her too. Maybe my life, my situation is not right for her and i should show her how much i love her by letting her go.
When we put a but in a sentence it usually means we've disregarded everything before the but.
Sometimes i feel like i should just let her go and be done but then i think about how good it feels to be with her and how i want that feeling back. Just want to do right by her too. Maybe my life, my situation is not right for her and i should show her how much i love her by letting her go.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I think in some sitches letting them go is what has to be done. I think that is where I am at. It doesn't mean that you are done, just means that they feel zero pressure. Let them find themselves and hope they realize there mistake before you have truly moved on. It may be the only way to get to the point where you can objectively question them if they want to come back.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Thank all, I still have hope just feeling a bit down this am. I know I still have to work on detaching, being stronger for myself and giving her the time and space and space she needs. Easier said than done:-) i keep going back to how good things are when it is just us and no worries about the kids and custody battle.
She wants to give her boys a safe place and i respect that. Trying to take small steps but sometimes i get hopes up and get carried away. No not going to give up just need to keep working toward goal of improving relationship. Just dating for a few years could be fun. Need to not put pressure on her for anything and let her lead.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Another day and it has been very quiet. Yesterday afternoon my W text me to say hi and ask how i was doing. Very short conversation and kept it light and upbeat. She text me on monday am too but again very brief conversation. Just trying to keep busy and not think about things. Going for a run in the morning and then a bike ride in evening. Watched a funny movie last night and several times i cracked up at the movie and first thing i thought was how my W would enjoy it and how nice it would have been to enjoy it with her. I was very tempted to text her this morning just to say hi but then i figured i should hold off.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Thanks Unbidden! I am making progress but still have weak moments for sure. Nothing easy about this. I was reading your initial posts and think that you have really done a great job but then the thread ended:-( i will try and see if there is another link. Again thank for encouraging words!
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Ok so I caved this afternoon. I text W and asked how she was she responded with a couple of brief texts. Very light between both. I have not initiated communication for three days so I figured it was ok. I will limit it but figured three days was reasonable. I have my girls tonight so keeping busy. Tomorrow is the one night a week that we both are kid free so hoping she wants to do something. Chances are she will not contact me and I will be ok with that. Trying to take things as they come and really trying to work on letting her go. I think we are great together so hopefully someday she will realize that:-) Okay so just wanted to share and talk to someone. My W is my one true love and I will always feel that way toward her no matter which direction this goes.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
