Slightly hopeful optimist..

[Just A Guy]

Bump

[sandi2]

I can't tell you how "not" to have those panicky moments b/c it's emotions that nobody has control over except you. Of course, you are very aware of that fact and that's why you get angry at yourself when it happens.

You wanted some tips on how to use this occasion on the camping trip to really shine. Okay, after seeing how you feel a sense of being set back when you get the panicky feelings and especially anything on her phone that could have a link to OM......I will base my suggestions on that information. You may be expecting too much out of the camping trip, and if so....you'll set yourself up for a big disappointment. Your emotions are extreme right now….and you're reacting accordingly....which is not good.

Things happen....that's a fact of life! Words are said that shouldn't be spoken.....and things "do" go wrong. Seldom does everything go perfectly.....especially when the MR is under such a huge amount of stress. So, in order for her to see you really shine; you have to "expect" this stuff to happen.....every day, all day long. Now, I know what you're thinking. B/c you are an optimist and you don't like anything negative, right? When I tell you to expect these things, I don't see it as being negative, but instead it's being "prepared" with an alternate plan. The LBH has to stay on his toes by not getting caught up in some dream trip where everything is going to be wonderful and might even lead to other things. You have to go into it like a challenge.

What would you do if some part of the camping gear didn't work? I bet you could quickly think of an alternative plan of action. In order to shine, you do the next best thing, under the circumstances, and you show that it doesn't change your attitude. You "will" have a good attitude and you "will" look at unexpected problems as an "adventure" and carry on as such. If it rains all day, you show how much fun it can be to stay indoors, or under a tent, or whatever. But you turn it into a great time. You make great memories.....regardless of what else is going on or who might be in a bad mood.....you don't allow it to affect your mood or attitude. This is such a great teaching lesson for kids to see how an adult handles things when it goes against the plan. What does daddy do when he's disappointed? How does daddy act when things go wrong? That’s why bad behavior is often passed down to kids. I'm getting a little bit away from the subject, but not too far, b/c your W will be affected whenever she sees you giving these life teaching experiences to her children. And when her children are happy, and she sees a fun & respective exchange between the kids & her H.....it has a big affect in her heart.

I have actually put this "technique" (or whatever you want to call it) into practice many, many times and it never ceases to amaze me when I make the most of a bad situation... and how my "choice" to have a great attitude in that situation, had such a positive effect on those around me. I do not recall a single time that I walked away regretting how I handled myself in the situation.

Don't misunderstand and don't be confused with the advice of not controlling another person. I'm not talking about trying to be in control over every circumstance. However, I hope you know the difference from trying to control your W's life from what I'm talking about here. That's another subject for another time.

Stepping up and taking charge is an attractive quality about men. When a man is a H and a father, the opportunity always presents itself for him to show his leadership. To me, that always makes a man shine!

So, a camping trip should offer the opportunity for any man to show his family how a man should fill every day to the best of his abilities......regardless of what that day may try to throw at him.

I hope what I said made sense, and I hope anyone who reads this will realize that every day is like a camping trip.

[Just A Guy]

Thanks Sandi. I have have had great chances to shine this weekend so far and I have taken full advantage of these chances, I am also playing the mimic game. If she is acting distant I will find things to do being away from her. If she is acting upbeat and happy I will feed more happiness around her. I am trying to work on patience now as well because I keep feeling that crazy attraction to her. She changes around me she always dresses nicely and looks good plus she's in the best shape of her life right now.

When I see "what is a trial separation" on her phone its hard to focus on the differences I can make right now. I try and I still stay upbeat and am having a great time but man it's hard to stay on track.

We have a wedding we are going to next weekend too that should be fun.

Still hoping. Still patiently working. Still in it for the long haul.

Anyone have any experience with a trial separation?

[Just A Guy]

So touch and go's continue. Was a great last day camping and we had a great morning and lunch with family. Now we are on our way home both tired and in need of showering..

Strange thing happened last night. My cousin asked W what she saw in me that attracted her to me. She responded with "he was really good looking, funny, smart and I didn't have to worry about him being one of those a-hole guys" I looked at her smiled and we held hands for a few minutes. Talked around the campfire some more and went to sleep.

Gosh how I long to kiss her and hold her all night. This morning I had inadvertently rolled over on my side and started spooning her. I woke up to her rolling over to get out from under me. :-( so she is just not near that point yet.

Patience, next weekend will be interesting.going to a wedding.

I love her with all my heart..

[Just A Guy]

Sooooooo tired, W acting super distant all ride home. She gave me a few more touch and go's earlier in the day but after that she really was distant, not wanting to walk next to me, not.really looking at me. Hurts, but I know it doesn't mean anything different than what I already know is going on. I didn't get a single kiss this weekend a bit disappointed there but I know that she will work this through and I know I am a great, guy who treats his W well and is loyal.

W is also feeling low immune system wise, I hope she doesn't.get.sick right before this wedding.. I want it to be a fun time for the two of us.

I gotta find more more time out as well. It's going to pay large dividends.

Time to finish unpacking then it's shower and nighty nigh for.me.

[Just A Guy]

Tired today... Work is good helping the day go by. Chicken and rive soup tonight and some great sleep.... W is cordial as usual bit still distant today. Acting as a friend or a roommate more than anything else.

[25yearsmlc]

well, I guess my sep was, in effect, a "trial" separation. I assumed it was a prelude to a divorce, but we're married, so, there you go.

if you think she'll stray or want to, understand that you being with her 24/7 won't change that.

My gosh, You need to detach SO MUCH MORE...and what are you GAL activities? What new people or groups are you meeting?

btw, I fear the wedding will provide you with the opposite of what you are expecting and hoping for.

Instead of her feeling closer to you, or the "Old sparks" flying back in, which might happen--

she MAY instead feel that she's "lost that loving feelin'" b/c she'll see a happily married couple ON their wedding day, and wonder why she isn't feeling the same thing.

So keep your expectations realistic.

Plan on dancing with OTHER people (and maybe your w, too),
be upbeat and happy, esp since it's someone else's wedding day, and

do NOT drink too much,

and socialize periodically w/others. Be independent of her and show her what a great guy you are even if she doesn't get it. Don't hang around her too much.

Hopefully your w will feel close to you but I would not count on it.

She's on a mission, or thinks she is.

I'd back off and act as if she's playing with fire and you'll feel bad if she gets burned -

but you KNOW you cannot spend any energy on trying to stop it, and you KNOW you'll be fine no matter what. HER loss!

Make sense?

[Just A Guy]

Yup makes sense... Detaching from her in the house has been easier.. I don't hang around her anymore. I am also waiting for her to suggest things such as watching a show etc...

I know I have no control over what happens at the wedding and I know I will be an upbeat happy guy there. I have no expectations but I do have hope...

Hope has saved my butt so much lately, and even more so I have changed it from hope that W and I will work to hope that I will have a great and fulfilling R someday soon. Whether it be with or without her .

Of course I hope it is with her..

The hardest part is I almost think this would be easier if we were not living in the same house but I hate the idea of separating.

[unbidden]

25, great advice again. Just a Guy, have a great time.

[Just A Guy]

I will have a great time! You know what else, today I had a customer who came in and she asked me if I was married because she had the woman of my dreams to set me up with and that finding a guy who Cooke, cleans, is a loyal person and has a kind heart is next to impossible to find. She then said that since I was good looking.to boot my wife was a lucky lady. I tod heryes I was married and thank you for the compliments.. The lady brouht her granddaughter in anyways about 2 hours later and told me that her GD thought I was really attractive lol. We all had a laugh and I thanked her for coming into my store.

What it told me was that I am a catch. What it also helped me feel was that I am going to be okay. I am not.going to stray from my marriage but I know win or lose I will be okay.

Bittersweet reality...