1.) STOP chasing him, give him some room!
a.) at least 2 nights "off" a week (let him have some guy time . . . go out whatever! (Suggest this to him!)
b.) GET A LIFE for myself (maybe start looking into easy part-time jobs for after the baby is born!)
c.) STOP nagging him (he knows what needs to be done!)
C1.) If anything does need talked over give him TIME to relax after work before bringing it up!
d.) LET HIM RUN "The show" (he's the man let him do his job!)
2.) Start REALLY hearing what he has to say! Make him feel special and important!
a.) STOP bringing up OW, D, and unhappiness
3.) Get some books to help (READ AT LEAST ONE CHAPTER a day, take notes and UNDERSTAND what to do)
a.) Get a bible find some faith ( Write down at least 1 helpful scripture a day!)
4.)Tell him I want him to do what's best for HIM ( AND MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!)
a.) Start planning for baby and I ( just incase!)
5.) Try to 180 myself back to who I was!
a.) BE HAPPY/SMILE
b.) Flirt with him a little (tease don't smother!)
c.) Find my own hobby (drawing, writing, animals)
C1.) Start walking as soon as the babies born to release
negativity and promote health!
d.) Find sexuality again ( he does still want you, WORK WITH THAT before it's too late!)
e.) Have faith, YOU'LL MAKE IT (reminder to self!! )
f.) DON'T CRY ( at least infront of him! BE STRONG GIRL!)
g.) Remember the good times . . .NOT the bad!
h.) STOP arguing . . . START validating! (Try to understand him!)
i.) SUPPORT HIM NO MATTER WHAT! Love him and he'll love you back
j.) Be more submissive . . let the man BE the man!
k.) Do one thing for MYSELF each day
***Ideas***
1.) paint toenails
2.) eat a treat (bowl of ice cream with EXTRA topping)
3.) Put on some make-up (FOR YOU)
4.) Dress UP!
5.) Soak in the tub!
6.) Take a cat-nap
7.) pay myself a compliment!!
8.) buy myself an inexpensive present
***
6.) Develope a "ritual"
***Ideas***
1. Movie night once a month ( at 2.00 movies)
2. Tea/ coffee . . drink together! (light convo include of course!)
3. Date once a week (walk around the mall, go out to McD's or TB)
4. Go for a walk together and talk (light convo ONLY)
***
7.)FORGET about OW NO MATTER how hard it seems! Trust his judgement . . he'll deal with it accordingly
a.)Snap rubberband HARD everytime you start thinking about it or want to start into it!
8.) STOP blaming him for EVERYTHING . . . it's "OUR" fault! Share in what you've "created"!!! REGUARDLESS of how you feel about it!
9.) Don't start a fight but try to end it if it does start!!
a.) call a time out
b.) validate what he's saying (don't blow it off, it's important)
c.) UNDERSTAND he doesn't mean the mean things he says!
C1.) Don't let him make you cry! Be STRONG!!
d.) DO NOT under ANY curcumstance come back at him!
Success is being happy first with yourself, and secondly with your life.
In light of the above, my goals are: 1) To forgive myself for things that happened in the past (more than a year ago, more than ten years ago). I do not have any specific steps to reach this goal, but I do know that I am working on it.
2) To continue my attempts to lose wight and improve my bosy image. Continue body wraps once or twice a month. Continue supplements, and possibly find others that are more helpful. Get a massage once a month. Continue to use my exercise bike regularly (3 days and counting). Continue portion control when eating. Decrease snacking (not have as much available at work).
3) Instead of being angry about a situation, I will pray that the person(s) I am angry with will open their eyes, ears and hearts and that hteir minds will clear so that they will be better able to understand.
4) To delve into planning a vacation to Mexico to visit a friend from my youth.
I need to set some goals right now, I had a breakdown and today I wanted to give up. I need to start now!
1. quit letting my emotions control my actions a. stay positive, not matter what b. quit looking for positives in my W, it sets me up to be disappointed c. don't let her negative actions pursued me into thinking I am unhappy. d. quit trying to contol the A, let it run it's course.
2. keep on track with my daily routine a. keep cleanig up the house b. keep working out three days a week c. play with my S d. get a good nights rest
3. Be my W's friend and detach a. stop asking her questions about A, and M b. let her go and do her own things c. don't let her trap you into an emotional argument
I have done these things in the past. I just need to focus on making them stick.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
What makes me happy is number 1 my Son. I love him soo much, he is giving me the strength to fight for this M.
She started in on me this morning, after the weekend with the OM. I had to rush off to work, she timed it so I had to leave right away, and she made the comment you are mad. I said no, I'm late. Bye.
She called half hour later and said, I don't know why your doing this, It's not fair to you. I didn't respond, and then she said your mad. I said No, I was late, I had a great night with our S, and slept very well. I am in a great mood.
So, the detaching worked, and I followed a couple of my goals.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
1) Work on my demons, issues, baggage that cause me to be emotional and shut myself down and off. - explore guided imagery and hypnotherapy - read books - pray - meditate - develop and redevelop close friendships
2) Work on building myself back up to a confident person by reclaiming the things I like/love to do. - rebuild my recording studio - re-explore podcasting, syndicating, article writing, etc. - Make time for gardening - Work on projects that I've started and put aside because of time/money - Make a date each month with each of my daughters to do something fun - Keep myself looking good through make up, hair, clothes, etc. - Pay as much attention to my fitness as I do to my clients
3) Work on building my marriage up - Love my husband even though I feel sick inside by what has happened - Make a date each month with my husband - Continue counseling - Affirm husband - Begin a new hobby with enthusiasm - Explore ways to begin to trust him again
ME: 40 DH: 41 D: 19 D: 16
Married 11+ years, 2nd marriage for both Still together and working on it
my H and i are working on our own goals together but we are having some trouble understanding how to set action oriented goals, heres what ive picked up:
not negative changes make it action oriented (this is where i have trouble) when i start what will i physically be doing differently what will i be doing that im not doing now (how will people around me know) what will be the first sign that i know my actions are in the right direction
here is my first attemp at creating a goal:
i want to desire h like i used to when we met we will laugh touch and be closer make love 1 a week
please please correct me if im wrong give me examples if you can
