Letting people live their lives and GALing...

[WenikiTiki]

So I say everyone start writing their short stories about online dating. Antonia can float this idea to her publishing contacts. Antonia, I bet you could edit the crap out of it. What the heck would you title this short story book/collection of essays?

I kind of like what Antonia said. So what about : "Date Online? I'd Rather be Alone!"

I haven't shared everything about the guy I was recently dating, but it was pretty funny. I went to Ruby Tuesdays to watch a football game with him and he yelled out: "MOTHER FREAKER!" really loud a couple of times. Seriously? Why not just say the other thing? Because it is just as offensive.

He also chased down our waiter and complained that they didn't bring my tea fast enough. He did this by leaping out of the booth and hunching his shoulders and doing a weird exaggerated knees high tippy toe thing. Cartoon like. He is also the cheapest tipper I have ever come across. Like 5%. Maybe.....

Life is too short, and yes I'd rather be alone, too.

[NLW]

Wendy, You are a hoot!

Turn him into a short story, please!

[AntoniaB]

Well unfortunately my connections with publishing only work for writing literary criticism/academic essays, not personal memoir!!! So I have no clue/angle on how to get these pieces published. But it may actually be cathartic for some to just write this stuff out--either here or on personal journals. I didn't journal for about 20 years and restarted with bomb drop, and I've found it really helpful. In fact I'm starting to encourage tons of people around me to write/journal. There are poets in all of us, really...

So I've made some personal decisions, lately...I'm just going to lay low and stop the whole trying to date thing. I think I'm going to really try to embrace being "alone" (knowing that with friends I'm never truly alone, of course) and try to get at my own root issues. I know that I have dealt with anxiety problems and perfectionism my entire life, and this is bigger than my marriage as it goes all the way back to when I was a kid. Being in a relationship for me often makes me less anxious because the endorphins of a relationship distract me from being self-critical and anxious. But that's a crutch, and maybe I have no business being in a relationship as long as I'm using it on some level as an escape hatch.

I've got some health issues going on now that need dealing with that I've not handled for years, and I'm thinking now is the time to face all of it. Alone. Not wait till some man can be in my life and help me. But do it alone.

So I'm just not looking anymore for a partner. I'm not going to be antisocial and will hang out with my girlfriends, but I'm not going to allow myself to be driven by some quest to be with someone. It will hurt. I know it. Being alone for 2 years and then with someone for 6 months only to lose it has hurt, a lot. But I swear I will rise above this. I have to summon the fighter side of me and just face the reality that I have to take care of myself and not rely on someone else to care for me.

There are many times I've felt very strongly that I will not have a relationship again that is lasting. This is painful. But I do have a ton of platonic relationships, and I think perhaps I should be focusing on the fact that these come very easily to me and they are fruitful and positive, and maybe my role in life is to be a platonic friend to people. It's not what I want but maybe it is what I am meant for.

[AntoniaB]

And I'm back for a second post, just to say that the guy I had the 6 month thing with post-divorce has taken to FB, totally unlike him ever, to post his every move with the new woman who "took my place", and today was the coup de grace, when he posted a pic of himself, head touching hers "oh so romantically", dressed up to the nines for a WEDDING they were attending together. She isn't doing the posting/tagging. HE is. The self-identified "I will never ever in my life post my personal busines on FB" guy.

So. This is TWO men I've had relationships with who have ended things with me and gone immediately to a new person whom they show off to the public with posts and pics when they never did this before.

Seriously? I feel like I should never again be in any relationship only because this is what will happen when it ends. WTH, is there a sign on my back saying "kick me when I'm down?"

[elfie]

Seriously? I feel like I should never again be in any relationship only because this is what will happen when it ends. WTH, is there a sign on my back saying "kick me when I'm down?"

No, dear Antonia,
Just next time make sure to date someone who is at the same level of the evolution scale as you...
I have followed your story from the beginning and you have made such an amazing progress...you should be very proud of yourself. You definitely deserve so much better. And I do believe that we usually find what we want when we are not looking. So, keep doing your GAL activities and enjoy the good things in your life as it is. Celebrate yourself! You are wonderful!

[AntoniaB]

That's really nice of you to say, elfie, in terms of feeling pride in myself. I really struggle with that emotion. I think it's because I look back and think "sure, I got through the divorce and all that crap, but now something new hits me and I fall apart again." I guess I often figure that if I could conquer what seemed to be the worst thing that could ever happen, it should be smoother sailing otherwise, but I think we must always all be changing so much that the "worst" thing is never static/unchanging.

I've just had a really rotten last 5 weeks or so in general and am very overwhelmed with how much I overbooked myself with work and professional development, and until I get out from under this mound of stuff I have to do, I'll probably be a bit depressed and not really celebrating myself as I should be. Thanks again for the support, though :-)

[irishblessings]

Antonia -
I was catching up on reading and saw your posts. I am so sorry you were hurt again. However, so proud of you for putting yourself out there. You have so much to offer and I really believe there is a plan.
Keep fighting the good fight:)
IB