Slightly hopeful optimist..

[Just A Guy]

Take today for instance. We had little to no contact all day. None (except for calling her to fill her in on our internet sitch) was initiated by me. She popped an ily in a convo to which I didn't respond. Then we go about our day and at the end of it I come home she goes to work out with sil. We have dinner watch a show, have some desert and now she is taking a shower and we will go to bed.

While I maintained my distance at home and away I am not changing my behavior of what I would do if I were living home alone. Is this detaching or pulling back or am I misinterpreting it?

[Just A Guy]

W is sayin ILY more and more. I got a kiss on the cheek this morning. Hmmmm.... Progress? Maybe IC is helping her through some other issues?

Not putting much stock into it but it's been very pleasant this past week and we have a vacation together this weekend.

[MrBond]

That's definitely progress.

Great job.

[Just A Guy]

Yeah and then she calls me just a minute ago asking what the website was that I used to find vacation rentals so she can find a place to getaway for a long weekend. And all of a sudden I feel panicky again. Gaaaah I thought I had this panicky crap done with.

I don't even think it's something worthy of panic mode but I can't shake it. Grrrrr...

[Just A Guy]

I feel like if she takes this "alone" trip I know she is going to enjoy it because she thoroughly enjoys her alone time. And up until recently she hasn't had very much of it.

As much as this is out of.my hands and I know I have to let her to her task it [censored] badly. And during that time I am going.to have to be even more removed and giving of space.

So what's a man to do in this sitch. I know she is.going.to go no matter what I say and I really want to tell her how much I wish she was taking a retreat with me to do some rekindling but I cannot.

[Just A Guy]

And now to sleep... First time in at least 3 years I am going to bed before the W she is staying up to work on her blog and have tea. Funny, seems like I am working on a blog on here lol.

I got the internet set up at home, played with the dogs, made dinner, and cleaned the dishes. Ate with W and watched a show. Now off to bed for me cause I am sleepy..

Gave her a hug gn and turned to the bedroom gave the dogs some gn lovin. Then I realized she started laundry so I hung it up and put the second load in the dryer. Now in bed I start to think about everything. So I am trying.to clear.my thoughts and get really tired so I can just sleep.

[Just A Guy]

One more day of work then camping time!!

Excited about this trip. I think it will be a great time for me to shine and I know W is excited also so it should be fun...

I have better feelings today than yesterday when she told me she is taking an alone .trip

[Just A Guy]

Two more hours till camp time. Sandi, 25yearmlc or anyone else who has been waw have any ideas for me to shine.brightly this weekend?

[Just A Guy]

Night night time.... Going camping tomorrow with family and W. We have sil taking care of our dogs. Watched an episode of bones tonight which was all about making relationships work after something has changed in the R. Was good to watch a show promoting positivity with sticking with it and working through issues.

Hope to update you all with some positive updates after the weekend.

[Just A Guy]

Soooooo I was doing a search on google with W phone to get directions while in the car with W and BAM! Up pops the last search she did on her phone. "What is a trial separation". And there comes the panicky feelings again... I know it was just a search but gosh darnit I was hoping I would not see stuff like that. I don't check her phone or her emails etc... But of course I would inadvertently see this at the beginning of the trip making it even more difficult to shine this weekend while that's on my mind.

WTH!! It's not that difficult. Just make the choice to work on US! Slight anger bubbling now, need to sooth and calm down before it begins showing up outside.

She is talking about going back to college while we are in the car and she just said "i feel like I already am stretched thin and so I am going to have to work hard on time management but I know I can make it work"

So you know you have to make things work in almost any other aspect of your life but when it comes to our marriage you think you shouldn't have toi "make it work"? Kinda seems like a double standard to me... And now I am thinking about OM and how she doesn't feel that way abound me right now because she chooses to focus on the negative...

Ticked off.....