Day 4 now ILY's from W to me or me to W. So used to hearing those reassuring words daily. Pain in my heart now... I still get hugs and have a good day but me pulling back hard hasn't really drawn her in yet. I don't know how long I should keep pulling back without posative results.
Thoughts?
Also I know MC is going to talk about the levels of affection and if they are really low then why. God this [censored], it's ridiculous as well because it doesn't have to be like this.
At least our rings are still on... Hard to find lots of posatives in this sitch...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
My friend says I should be more forward with W. that holding all of these emotions back is part of what got us here in the first place and that it's only going to hinder growth. That the passions she is looking for starts with healthy arguments and passionate debates.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
A good IC will make you feel comfortable and safe enough to share your thoughts and fears openly without hesitation.
A good IC will let you talk and talk and will pick up on the important stuff, asking you the questions that are needed to explore your feelings.
The IC is for YOU, their primary concern is your well being.
A good IC will help you gain confidence, reduce stress & open your eyes to things that are right infront of you.
I would have failed my degree this year had I not seeked counselling, my counselor was brilliant for me & I am going to see him again next Tuesday after a break of 3 months.
Good luck in finding an IC
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
"I still get hugs and have a good day but me pulling back hard hasn't really drawn her in yet. I don't know how long I should keep pulling back without posative results. "
Any thoughts on this comment I made above? No ILy's of kisses in almost a week now. Should I take the pullback from her as a sign that I am doing something wrong or is a week just too short of a time to judge?
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Wow, W said ILY to me on the phone, I think it may have been out of habit but hey I'll take it after 5 days of not hearing it. I also got a LOT accomplished today and W did up a new budget for us with my new income.
I am off the roller coaster. Even all the little good things which happened today didn't really get my hopes to high and the little bad things didn't bring me down.
I do however feel like I am being put into "friendville" by W.. Is this a concern?
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I suggest you don't take advice from family & friends. What your friend to you is what should have been done ages ago. But I promise you that if you stop pulling back and give way to your neediness, you will see her reject you worse than ever.
A week is nothing! A month is nothing! The LBH usually has to stick to the detaching for a long time......before he starts to see the kind of response you're wanting to see.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I would say "Friendville" is a better place to be...better than you being the "enemy"...which is what you could've seemed like to her in the beginning...
