How long do I want to do certain things and see if there are any results?
My W is super stubborn and has a LOT of pride I can see getting in the way. Plus she has been focusing on the negative. I know that's normal in sitchs like this but I am choosing to focus on the posative more and more every day and it helps a LOT!
Why wouldn't you focus on the posatives? Focusing on the negatives just makes you feel worse and more hopeless.
I wore a diff cologne yesterday, I haven't smelled that good in years! Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut, this evening I am going mountain biking. I have a lot I am doing on top of focusing on sandi2's rules. I really hope to start seeing some results soon. I know seeing any type of posative reactions would help immensely!
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Only you can decide how long you can keep DBing...
But remember, everything you are doing, you are also doing FOR YOU!
In only know from my own experiences that it was almost 7 months before my fog started to clear. And really only started once my H completely detached - he asked me for "closure" which I gave him. I sensed he needed it, like he had someone waiting in the wings. I felt I wasn't ready for what he wanted as R, so I was comfortable in giving him what he needed.
Should I have been honest and said "I still don't know"? He says he was ready to move on if my answer was "no" or "still don't know". The only thing that would've kept him from moving on was if I had said "yes". And I just wasn't there yet. But now he thinks that my feelings now are a complete reaction to the OW.
Stay positive! As a WAW, it helped me to see my H in a positive 'space'. That's when I starting seeing the man I fell in love with...
Thanks Mandy! Did you try and bring your H down when he was being posative? I feel that my W always starts a negative M conversation whenever I feel like we are getting to a better place almost as if to squash those feelings.
I know how long this could take, the MC is goin to have us re-evaluate our commitment to the M in about 2 months. I feel like its neccisary but I also feel that it might not be enough time.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Well I am doing as much as I can to remain posative, smiley, laughing and looking/smelling great around her.
I talked to a friend this morning about taking an overnight trip together to NYC this fall.
The issue I forsee with my sitch is that my W is incredibly stubborn and when she gets something in her head hell nor high water can move her. It's funny because it's something I used to love about her, that she stuck to her guns no matter what now it has me sad because I know how difficult it is for her made up mind to change.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Well I am doing as much as I can to remain posative, smiley, laughing and looking/smelling great around her.
Let's reframe this a bit. Picture your life and your W's life as a Venn diagram-2 big circles that overlap. Your life should be about you being positive, smiley, smelling good in the life you are creating in your big circle that she knows very little about except in that small overlap where she is exposed to the new you.
Don't make it that you're doing this for W, you are doing this for you (I hope),because in the end,the only thing you know for sure you will have is you and your life.
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I talked to a friend this morning about taking an overnight trip together to NYC this fall.
Great idea, make it happen.
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The issue I forsee with my sitch is that my W is incredibly stubborn and when she gets something in her head hell nor high water can move her. It's funny because it's something I used to love about her, that she stuck to her guns no matter what now it has me sad because I know how difficult it is for her made up mind to change.
While I understand your concern, this should in no way affect you creating your life, your big circle. You have no control over what she does, so work on you, make yourself the better option.
Stubborn people are often controlling and have trouble with new ideas and changes, sometimes they are passive/aggressive. Does this describe your W? It doesn't change anything you need to do but I think it's good to be realistic about our spouses and not take all the blame for the R troubles on our shoulders.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I think she is a little passive aggresive but I know she is proud, very proud and when she makes a choice and figures out its wrong it would be very big of her to admit she was wrong.
Today I was supposed to go mountain biking with her uncle but he backed out at the last minute so W said she would go with me instead. I said no that I wanted to watch the football game with some friends instead. I think it caught her off guard and I hope it demonstrates that I need my space and I am willing to do things without her. But man it wanted to just say hell yeah and go biking wih her.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
You should go - enjoy the life and energy it has to offer!!!