Slightly hopeful optimist..

[Just A Guy]

Also 25yrmlc, I would love to go to a couples retreat! I think once we get back to a point where she is "commited" to making it work I will look into this further. The MC told us that we will Re-Evaluate my W's position at the end of 3 months. She said that there is no reason she shouldn't know whether or not she wants to recommit by then.

As much as I didnt like the idea when she first said it I kinda dont mind it now. This limbo is no place to be for years, and It would make it difficult to survive through the holidays with this on my plate.

I have been wearing the cologne I wore when we met, especial on days when I have work because I dress up nicely on those days. I think I might break out a cologne I used to wear from before her because it was VERY nice. Also I have pulled back some more and am getting a much more comfortable response from W.


Any other ideas or critiquing is totally appreciated!!

Mandy, what are a few things H could have done to help the sitch or prevent the sitch from reaching this point when you dropped the second bomb?

[Just A Guy]

W said ILY to the dogs and said "thanks for all the help today" to me and went to bed... Thanks.... Am I wrong for feeling lower on the totem pole than the dogs??

[25yearsmlc]

I have done well so far to just be there fl her and help her where she needs it. The. Came home made some Mac and cheese for us and watched half a movie before taking a nap. A nice relaxing day is just what I needed.

Now to work on getting some non mutual friends so i can do more GALing. It's hard because I am in an area where it's either bowling or hokey in the fall. Until winter I think I am stuck with going out to watch football with some mutual friends.

really?

Hmmm, well I was in the interior of Alaska with a newborn. In 3 winters...

I learned to cross country ski, and downhill ski, and hunt and fish for real. Like seriously.


I joined a writer's group, I auditioned for theater and I got roles. I eventually did stand up comedy.

I volunteered at a woman's shelter. I was in the PTA. I saw a t, and I worked out and got in serious shape. I played Bunko with women, and I was in a Wive's Club.

I edited a book that became a best seller. I wrote newspaper columns...and I think there's more but I hope you get the point.

You are NOT STUCK with football games...geez...

[2chiquitos]

I don't mean to laugh "at" you but this is funny, don't you think?

W said ILY to the dogs and said "thanks for all the help today" to me and went to bed... Thanks.... Am I wrong for feeling lower on the totem pole than the dogs??

Listen, when H n I separated he walked into his mom's kitchen. His sister, mom, S4 and pregnant me were there. He went up to everyone and gave them a kiss hello. HE DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK MY WAY!!! It was awful but that was over a year ago and he did much worse after that. So just let it go. Let her love the dogs. Their dogs! It's not like she's telling another man ILY in front of you!

Hope this helps ;-)

[2chiquitos]

oh and GAL in other ways as 25 is pointing out.

You're hecka young and don't have kids so GET OUT THERE!!!

[Just A Guy]

Hahahahahahaha, looking at that and 25's post once again the whiny little brat shows up. Lol..... I have other things I am going to be working on.. The getting in better shape part is definitely already on. I have to go to work at the car show again today but will post more later.

[Just A Guy]

The whiny little brat being me of course..

[25yearsmlc]

The whiny little brat being me of course..

yes we know. And the dogs comment is just silly of you to read into. It's your neediness flaring up again. Sooth yourself and build up your self esteem enough to handle TINY things like that. To me that's not even on the radar as a comment but if it is, it's dang small.

You can GAL more and we are hammering GAL here, b/c it works!

Involve other people.

Working out helps you feel better but you need OTHER people in your life. New people, or old friends who won't obsess with you about your wife.

[Just A Guy]

I have been searching tonight online trying to find some team sports or something that interests me that I can do in the fall.

W and I had a greeat day, I shined and I didnt even try. It just was me, I worked hard helped out where I could, had a blast and my footbal team won today! W showered me with affection which I did not try and hold on to but enjoyed just as long as she wanted it there.

I did not need the affection but dang did I like it.. I know I have way more work to do on my neediness, d'état hint and GALing.

W And I also talked to my parents who were at her triathlon and the car show. They were talking about a property which they looked at and thought would be perfect for us.. Got home and W said "I want to make sure that we dont get into a situation where our M doesn't work out and your stuck with the mortgage. I don't know where we are headed and I don't want to have outside distractions prevent us from figuring this out."

I didn't panic I didn't tell her that it was silly to think we won't work out, I simply said "those are valid points and I would want to make sure it's the best thing for us before commuting to anything"

In fact it's exactly how I was feeling...

I know we have a great shot, I would love her to feel one spark of sexual attraction towards me so that she could feel more confident in "us"...

[Just A Guy]

Last nigt and this morning went great! Slept like a rock, woke up refreshed, soothed some sad needy feelings away as soon as they cropped up helped W fet around for work. W gave me a great hug and kiss goodbye, she also held her cheek tight to mine for a while. That was something she used to do all the time when we started dating and had been missing for years of late. It felt really warm and fuzzy..

So I was thinking. I know, never a good thing when in these sitchs. Lol

But seriously, I was thinking about how if my W felt a sense of sexual attraction towards me it would be according to my W "something I have not truly felt in a long time". I know it would propel her into a frame of mind where she would have faith in our M again.

So my question to you WAW's is, if there were one or two things besides detaching, GALing and 180's that would send you into a desirous mode towards your H when you thought you wouldn't feel that way again, what would/are they?

I know I am already not portraying my neediness to W half as much as I used to even before the bomb. I am wearing the cologne she loves at opportune times. I am having fun with or without her and she sees it. I am trying to find more life outside of work and " us".

My thought is that even though all women are unique and every sitch is unique I have a feeling that there might be some things that other WAW's could think of and have in common with each other that could get a posative response. And right about now I think W is to the point where she wants to feel that spark towards me.

So send those ideas my way!